(no subject)
In the past few weeks, I've realized who my real friends are. They're not the ones who necessarily hang/hung out with you the most, tell you everything about themselves and their problems, or use you as a pawn for their own purposes. They are the ones who you can call when you're scared of what you might do, or what you're thinking about, or your own concerns. It used to be embarassing to tell people if I had some kind of problem, but now I don't give it mind if it's something I could use their help getting over. I don't even know why they are so good to me, I offer them, in my mind, nothing special or that outstanding. But maybe that phrase about friends being angels without wings is true, it's just hard at first to detect who is who, and who was never a friend in the first place. As time passes, it's becoming increasingly clear, and it's exciting to know that as progressed as I thought I was previously, I will only gain more clarity from here on out. People truly do surprise me, in various ways. Had this been earlier in my life, I would have cried until the anxiety subsided, but now having faced something quite adverse, I discover my own inner strength and it is one less thing, indeed one less concept in general, to be upset about anytime in the future. I don't like this victim complex I sometimes unwittingly adopt, it deprives me of any feeling of responsibility to others. Of course I have that, but then again I do not want to feel like a rebel either. I am only myself and no one else, not even an idealized version.
I've been trying to form better rapports with various people lately, as it is my plan to be out and about as much as possible. Matt and I are hanging out more now that it is summer, and I had almost forgotten how much he impacts my life and thinking. Not about everything, I have my own mind, but there is literally no one else I have such a relationship with. I don't think he realizes this, or appreciates its extent, but this is not something I hold self contempt for, it's the simple truth. Andrew, Marshall, Katie, Eszter, Maggie, Brian, and certain others have proven to be genuine and real people, they compose the vast majority of my close friends and also do not realize how impactful they have been. Most importantly, my sister is living at Clairmont now and this gives us a better chance of hanging out alot, which has been very beneficial. I'm happy to see us developing a more adult relationship as time goes on, and seeing how great of a person she truly is.
I've decided to reject the dating scene for a while. In my opinion, Atlanta is somewhat lacking, plus I do not possess the competitive edge and charismatic charm necessary to 'pick people up' at clubs. I don't want that anyway, personally it does nothing for me. I've made some contacts recently, and hope that the people I've been talking to for weeks now can be good friends first, and something else later.
I've been trying to form better rapports with various people lately, as it is my plan to be out and about as much as possible. Matt and I are hanging out more now that it is summer, and I had almost forgotten how much he impacts my life and thinking. Not about everything, I have my own mind, but there is literally no one else I have such a relationship with. I don't think he realizes this, or appreciates its extent, but this is not something I hold self contempt for, it's the simple truth. Andrew, Marshall, Katie, Eszter, Maggie, Brian, and certain others have proven to be genuine and real people, they compose the vast majority of my close friends and also do not realize how impactful they have been. Most importantly, my sister is living at Clairmont now and this gives us a better chance of hanging out alot, which has been very beneficial. I'm happy to see us developing a more adult relationship as time goes on, and seeing how great of a person she truly is.
I've decided to reject the dating scene for a while. In my opinion, Atlanta is somewhat lacking, plus I do not possess the competitive edge and charismatic charm necessary to 'pick people up' at clubs. I don't want that anyway, personally it does nothing for me. I've made some contacts recently, and hope that the people I've been talking to for weeks now can be good friends first, and something else later.