I tried to challenge myself here, can you tell?choffmanApril 7 2010, 23:39:37 UTC
I really tried to keep the intro as short as possible. Give the bare bones about the setup and get straight to the action. In retrospect it's possible that I could have saved the first bit of Dalton introspection until later on in the narrative - and I considered it - but then I decided it was best to get it out of the way early on rather than break up the action too much.
I kinda struggled with writing from third person here, which was my main concern. As much as I thought about writing solely from Dalton or Clyde's perspective, the more I considered it the more I knew that it wasn't going to give the entire picture, and that would lose either Clyde's insanity or Dalton's magnificent scheme-y bastardness- both things I really wanted to get across.
It actually felt terribly awkward to keep having to stop from seguing into third person omniscient as soon as the porn started. I'm really really used to being able to write in the sort of "stream of consciousness" style, even when the action gets going, but I felt that it just didn't serve the tone or the purpose of the story to be able to hear everyone's inner thoughts.
Plus, I was purposefully not overtly divulging Dalton's identity here. I wanted to try to make it as clear as possible without ever actually naming him as the man behind the camera (as a nod/insight toward just how he would have been playing the scenario in the world of the story) so reserving the introspection to his parts was the only thing I could think of to separate him from the other players. I'm curious, though, as to how well that actually worked.
Was it confusing to you as a reader or were you able to pick him out as an individual character in his sections?
Basically, I'm most concerned that this wasn't an easy or natural read, as it was neither easy nor natural for me to write. Should I have gone deeper with Dalton's inner thoughts? Thrown in more description of what he was doing in front of his computer (although lol I don't think that was any great mystery) in a physical sense? Set the scene earlier or more descriptively?
I'm just not sure if this worked totally, and usually I can tell if something does. It was a bit of an experiment to try to refine my technique, and suggestions and input are both sorely needed here.
I kinda struggled with writing from third person here, which was my main concern. As much as I thought about writing solely from Dalton or Clyde's perspective, the more I considered it the more I knew that it wasn't going to give the entire picture, and that would lose either Clyde's insanity or Dalton's magnificent scheme-y bastardness- both things I really wanted to get across.
It actually felt terribly awkward to keep having to stop from seguing into third person omniscient as soon as the porn started. I'm really really used to being able to write in the sort of "stream of consciousness" style, even when the action gets going, but I felt that it just didn't serve the tone or the purpose of the story to be able to hear everyone's inner thoughts.
Plus, I was purposefully not overtly divulging Dalton's identity here. I wanted to try to make it as clear as possible without ever actually naming him as the man behind the camera (as a nod/insight toward just how he would have been playing the scenario in the world of the story) so reserving the introspection to his parts was the only thing I could think of to separate him from the other players. I'm curious, though, as to how well that actually worked.
Was it confusing to you as a reader or were you able to pick him out as an individual character in his sections?
Basically, I'm most concerned that this wasn't an easy or natural read, as it was neither easy nor natural for me to write. Should I have gone deeper with Dalton's inner thoughts? Thrown in more description of what he was doing in front of his computer (although lol I don't think that was any great mystery) in a physical sense? Set the scene earlier or more descriptively?
I'm just not sure if this worked totally, and usually I can tell if something does. It was a bit of an experiment to try to refine my technique, and suggestions and input are both sorely needed here.
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