(no subject)
i am finally back home. and very happy to be home at that. not to say that new jersey didn't have its moments, but it seems so less stressful to be back in braselton.
my new jersey adventure was just that and more. it was basically me, mom and dave running around from house to house, errand to errand for about 72 hours straight. and it definitely took its toll.
seeing my grandmother wasn't so bad at first. i was completely prepared for her to not have a clue who i was. but when i saw her look straight at my mother, her own daughter, and not have any idea at who she was looking at, it completely broke my heart. and it was definitely more than i could handle. i'm still very torn about the entire situation. my much beloved grandmother lives in the alzheimer's ward of Laurelton Village; to access this ward you must know the code to get in and the code to get out..it's pretty much like a jail thats decorated like a preschool classroom. my grandfather goes every day because of the guilt he feels...he feels guilty because after 50 years, this is the one thing he cannot save her from. you can't tell him its not his fault because he's completely shut down to the rest of the world. so in essense, i've lost the both of them.
just to add to this "vacation," i had planned to bring my grandfather to new york to see the tree. just the four of us. then somehow the entire free world (i.e. the rest of the family) somehow included themselves in my plans. i got to see the tree, and it was just gorgeous, but the rest of that day is a blur. most rose family occasions turn out that way no matter how hard you try.
me and dave made a trip to emerson to see where we grew up on monday. and since then i'd like to think i've become far more aware of the opportunities i would not have ever known had we never moved. some seven million people are squished and stuffed into that tiny little state and as much as i hate to love it, i'm still glad i'm no long one of them. i got to spend some time with two of my oldest friends..and realize that both of their homes look exactly the same as when i left 11 years ago. it was kind of like a really bad case of time travel.
so after about 12.5 hours in the car today, i'm finally back home where i belong just in time to chill out and get ready for christmas. i definitely miss everybody from school, but i'll see them soon enough and i'm sure spring semester will fly by just like fall.
what a week it has been.
my new jersey adventure was just that and more. it was basically me, mom and dave running around from house to house, errand to errand for about 72 hours straight. and it definitely took its toll.
seeing my grandmother wasn't so bad at first. i was completely prepared for her to not have a clue who i was. but when i saw her look straight at my mother, her own daughter, and not have any idea at who she was looking at, it completely broke my heart. and it was definitely more than i could handle. i'm still very torn about the entire situation. my much beloved grandmother lives in the alzheimer's ward of Laurelton Village; to access this ward you must know the code to get in and the code to get out..it's pretty much like a jail thats decorated like a preschool classroom. my grandfather goes every day because of the guilt he feels...he feels guilty because after 50 years, this is the one thing he cannot save her from. you can't tell him its not his fault because he's completely shut down to the rest of the world. so in essense, i've lost the both of them.
just to add to this "vacation," i had planned to bring my grandfather to new york to see the tree. just the four of us. then somehow the entire free world (i.e. the rest of the family) somehow included themselves in my plans. i got to see the tree, and it was just gorgeous, but the rest of that day is a blur. most rose family occasions turn out that way no matter how hard you try.
me and dave made a trip to emerson to see where we grew up on monday. and since then i'd like to think i've become far more aware of the opportunities i would not have ever known had we never moved. some seven million people are squished and stuffed into that tiny little state and as much as i hate to love it, i'm still glad i'm no long one of them. i got to spend some time with two of my oldest friends..and realize that both of their homes look exactly the same as when i left 11 years ago. it was kind of like a really bad case of time travel.
so after about 12.5 hours in the car today, i'm finally back home where i belong just in time to chill out and get ready for christmas. i definitely miss everybody from school, but i'll see them soon enough and i'm sure spring semester will fly by just like fall.
what a week it has been.