Baaahahaha.
I haven't updated my journal in 8 weeks. UNTIL NOW. Part of me just wants to see how long I can keep forgetting about this thing, XD. Like Ping and his MySpace. And like Tasha and her LJ. BOOOOO. XD. At least Rob's been updating his again. (Sorry for not commenting, Rob >.<)
Tomorrow's my birthday, and tonight is my last night as a teen. Yeah, I'm turning 20. It doesn't really faze me, though. Not that turning another year older is life-altering or anything, but..just the fact that my birthday's soon doesn't really excite me like it used to. I think it has something to do with all the stress I've been under lately. When I left my job at the end of July, I was under the impression that I'd be moved out in August; now I'm not sure how long it'll be before Ping finds a place (not that I'm upset at him, of course; he always has a lot on his plate).
I've been under a lot of pressure to find a job lately, and I feel like some people think I'm dodging responsibility, even though I'm not trying to. I'm always happy to help where I'm needed around here, but part of me is hesitant to get a new job right now because I still feel like I'm caught in the middle of everything. I felt like, by leaving my job, I would be closing a chapter of my "book" here in Waterbury and beginning a new one in Jersey, free of my parents' influence and free to make more of my own choices. So, still being here has started wearing on me, I guess you could say. Things like my parents' arguing, my mom always telling me what I should do, and other little things that would usually roll off my shoulders, have been piling up and causing me to feel more depressed in general. It bothers me that I'm made to feel like I'm a freeloader for not contributing any income right now, not to mention all the crafts I've been making for MangaNEXT's Artist Alley in October..they're all just clutter to everybody else.
I can't really remember where I was going with all this. >_o I guess what I'm trying to say is..I don't know if I'm ready for a new job right now. Maybe I'm a little afraid of getting settled in at this awkward in-between time. But do I really have a choice? Is it selfish for me to say? If I don't know when I'll be moved out, I might as well get a job, right? I just don't want to be pushed. I don't want people to put my name in with potential employers or get applications for me without asking me for my input first. I know that with the job market as it is today, it's not smart to be picky about where you work, but I still feel powerless when other people do things for me, you know?
I suppose that, as long as I'm still here, I may as well be productive somehow, whether or not it involves getting a paid job. It's the waiting game that makes things so awkward for me sometimes. Finding a place to live can't be rushed, of course. I just wish I knew what was going on for a change, what I should and shouldn't do.
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8 weeks... I didn't talk about Connecticon, did I? It was a great success; I sold so many things in Artist Colony, and built up enough confidence from that experience to convince myself I want to make and sell more things for MangaNEXT in New Jersey (Oct. 31-Nov. 2). I hope Tasha and Justin can go to this convention; it looks like there's going to be a lot of great programming, even a burlesque show ^.^ I absolutely can't wait for the swap meet--hooray for swapping tons of my unused stuff ^.^ With help from Ping, I submitted some manga pages to the program director, who'll be publishing the pages (along with my picture, website, and bio) in the program guide. I hope it looks nice :D
Ping and I celebrated our 10-month anniversary on the 11th. Only a few more months and we'll have been together for a whole year! :D Things are going really well for us, and I'm happier than ever to have him in my life. This past weekend, we went to a corn maze at Lyman Orchards and navigated something like 4 acres of cornstalks from start to finish. It was really fun ^^ I learned something about our video game personalities as a result: he investigates every corner and passage for clues (there were brain teasers hidden in the maze), while I pretty much bypass most of the bonus items as I head for the end of the game. XD. Together, though, we pretty much explored every nook and cranny of the maze, except..well..I sorta wandered off without him in the beginning >>;; (Sorry! I forgot you didn't have a map D:)
Hmm..I can't really think of anything else to write ,_, Sorry for the emo-ness; stuff's just been building up and I guess I just haven't been writing it down. I'm gonna try to make tomorrow a great birthday, regardless of what's been happening; I'm sure in due time, I'll figure everything out. I just have to do something to make me feel less powerless. If I can do that, and keep my goals within sight, I think everything will eventually be alright, ne? :)
Tomorrow's my birthday, and tonight is my last night as a teen. Yeah, I'm turning 20. It doesn't really faze me, though. Not that turning another year older is life-altering or anything, but..just the fact that my birthday's soon doesn't really excite me like it used to. I think it has something to do with all the stress I've been under lately. When I left my job at the end of July, I was under the impression that I'd be moved out in August; now I'm not sure how long it'll be before Ping finds a place (not that I'm upset at him, of course; he always has a lot on his plate).
I've been under a lot of pressure to find a job lately, and I feel like some people think I'm dodging responsibility, even though I'm not trying to. I'm always happy to help where I'm needed around here, but part of me is hesitant to get a new job right now because I still feel like I'm caught in the middle of everything. I felt like, by leaving my job, I would be closing a chapter of my "book" here in Waterbury and beginning a new one in Jersey, free of my parents' influence and free to make more of my own choices. So, still being here has started wearing on me, I guess you could say. Things like my parents' arguing, my mom always telling me what I should do, and other little things that would usually roll off my shoulders, have been piling up and causing me to feel more depressed in general. It bothers me that I'm made to feel like I'm a freeloader for not contributing any income right now, not to mention all the crafts I've been making for MangaNEXT's Artist Alley in October..they're all just clutter to everybody else.
I can't really remember where I was going with all this. >_o I guess what I'm trying to say is..I don't know if I'm ready for a new job right now. Maybe I'm a little afraid of getting settled in at this awkward in-between time. But do I really have a choice? Is it selfish for me to say? If I don't know when I'll be moved out, I might as well get a job, right? I just don't want to be pushed. I don't want people to put my name in with potential employers or get applications for me without asking me for my input first. I know that with the job market as it is today, it's not smart to be picky about where you work, but I still feel powerless when other people do things for me, you know?
I suppose that, as long as I'm still here, I may as well be productive somehow, whether or not it involves getting a paid job. It's the waiting game that makes things so awkward for me sometimes. Finding a place to live can't be rushed, of course. I just wish I knew what was going on for a change, what I should and shouldn't do.
-----
8 weeks... I didn't talk about Connecticon, did I? It was a great success; I sold so many things in Artist Colony, and built up enough confidence from that experience to convince myself I want to make and sell more things for MangaNEXT in New Jersey (Oct. 31-Nov. 2). I hope Tasha and Justin can go to this convention; it looks like there's going to be a lot of great programming, even a burlesque show ^.^ I absolutely can't wait for the swap meet--hooray for swapping tons of my unused stuff ^.^ With help from Ping, I submitted some manga pages to the program director, who'll be publishing the pages (along with my picture, website, and bio) in the program guide. I hope it looks nice :D
Ping and I celebrated our 10-month anniversary on the 11th. Only a few more months and we'll have been together for a whole year! :D Things are going really well for us, and I'm happier than ever to have him in my life. This past weekend, we went to a corn maze at Lyman Orchards and navigated something like 4 acres of cornstalks from start to finish. It was really fun ^^ I learned something about our video game personalities as a result: he investigates every corner and passage for clues (there were brain teasers hidden in the maze), while I pretty much bypass most of the bonus items as I head for the end of the game. XD. Together, though, we pretty much explored every nook and cranny of the maze, except..well..I sorta wandered off without him in the beginning >>;; (Sorry! I forgot you didn't have a map D:)
Hmm..I can't really think of anything else to write ,_, Sorry for the emo-ness; stuff's just been building up and I guess I just haven't been writing it down. I'm gonna try to make tomorrow a great birthday, regardless of what's been happening; I'm sure in due time, I'll figure everything out. I just have to do something to make me feel less powerless. If I can do that, and keep my goals within sight, I think everything will eventually be alright, ne? :)