What Jack should have said to Gwen
“Why should I stay?” There is a slight hint of anger in Jacks voice, but also more emotion than he ever thought he could feel.
“For you! You have someone; I have lost everything. I killed my own grandson and lost my daughter in the process.” *oh, God I killed Stephen, maybe I am a monster *
“You know why I did it, Gwen? It was because I had nothing left.”
Tears prick at Jacks eyes, and he is trying hard not to let her see him break.
“The man I love died in my arms, and it broke my heart. I couldn't save him, Gwen.” * I can still feel his body next to mine, I can feel his breath slow and then stop* Jack can’t stop them, his tears start to fall.
“I loved him, still do love him so much and I miss him. I told him things I had never told anyone, he was the first person I felt I could be honest with, and he accepted me. Yes he questioned me, but he never judged me. I knew him and when I held him it felt right.” * It felt so right, sometimes we would just hold each other and draw strength from each other. *
“I need to get away from this place, everywhere I look I see him, and its too much to bear knowing I will never hold him, kiss him make love to him and talk to him again. I needed him, more than I ever admitted and now there is nothing left.” * I never even told him I loved him, sometimes I think he knew and he accepted I couldn’t say the words, I wish I had.
“ I need to go, start again somewhere on my own, with the memories, because that is all I have left, but with out him I see no point to anything. Can you understand that?”
* I can’t believe she just said, they died and I am sorry Jack, but…. doesn’t she understand, is she that self centered, Gwen I’m alright I’ve got someone fucking Cooper *
“ You can’t run away”
“Watch me” * By Ianto, I will never forget you, my love, my life, my everything, you are burnt into my heart, it belonged to you, only you and never anyone else ever again*