Hawai'ian flowers and White Chested Dogs
Well, I've had this journal since September of 2003. That's roughly about five years. And in that five years, I've probably made about 250-300 entries. That's not exactly the best track record, but I'm not even sure about who reads this crap anymore. I'd like to think that my writing has improved a fair bit in five years, but I've written so little in the last two, that it'd be difficult to judge, I suppose. A great deal has changed for me and in my life, and this journal, as well as my email address, have been there to see me through it. They were my the akas of my childhood, which is now at a close.
I graduated high school on Friday and I'm still wrapping my head around it a bit. I've looked forword to nothing in life more than graduating high school and now that it's happened I feel very inbetween things at the moment. Because I'm poor, lazy, and just barely technically not a minority, I couldn't go too far away to school, but at least I'm getting the hell out of dodge. In about two months I'll be moving into my dorm room in Reno. Which, plus side, is only a few hours drive from San Fransico :D. Speaking of San Fransico, I'm planning on ditching my family for about a month next summer and running around California a bit. My ulitmate goal is S.F. because I think it's beautiful and because I know 1 person there :) However, what I really want to do is experience being on my own in a totally new place. I'm a bit sick of my boyfriend being everywhere, and my parents are very protective (I'm an only child though, so I'm not really surprised), but god damn, I want to be alone in a new place. I described the feeling fairly well to a friend of mine about a month ago, and while he understood, I don't think Kyle and the 'rents quite do yet.
The only male I can trust is my Dog. Because dogs never promise to do something you already know they won't and all they want is be fed and loved.
I've come to genuinely believe that statement. It's not an aspersion upon the opposite gender, so much as a reflection on those around me. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I can't really trust anything my boyfriend says he's going to do because he leaves so many holes for him to worm himself out of things. Here's some backstory: My boyfriend lives with me and my parents because his parents live in Henderson (45 miles away and Bum Fuckin' Egypt if you live in North Las Vegas) and its too far to drive back and forth. My parents are fucking poor (my aunt and uncle have a college fund for me). I have a job, but it sucks (22 hours in two weeks and it's on the Strip to boot) and doesn't really pay for anything. We've been dating two years /End Backstory. Anyway, he's been home over a month from Reno (he goes up there too) and has not gotten a job, or has even really looked for a job. I've talked to him about it, and he says he's working on it, but it's rather difficult to look for a job when all you do is play world of warcraft in a bathrobe all day. Quite honestly, him not having a job wouldn't bug me so much if he just helped around the house. My room is fucking filthy because I've been too busy the last month to clean it (sorry, Work+Exams+Graduating High School+Actually looking for a new job have taken up a lot of spare time) and he's too fucking lazy to do. He sits around in his bathrobe all day because he's too fucking lazy to do laundry. Yet, he's massively underweight (6ft tall and 130 lbs), because he's too fucking lazy to fucking eat. I have said all of these things to him and I honestly thought that he would change, but he hasn't. There's no reason why my backyard should be messy when he's home all day to help my mom around and he worms himself out of everything. Today he helped me make dinner and it was pretty large (we've both been sick the last couple of days and haven't eaten) and messy and earlier he promised to help me clean up the kitchen for my mom. We watched some movies, and one of his contacts started bugging him, so he put some eyedrops in. When we decided that we were done watching movies and I asked him to help me clean the kitchen "my eye hurts too much" Your eye hurts too much to wash dishes. Yup. As predicted, he came up with a reason why he couldn't help clean. To make it even better, the dishwasher hadn't been unloaded yet, so I had to unload that plus clean the counters, and do two full sinks of dishes. It got better, turned out that all the dishes I put away, actually weren't clean, so I had to put them all back, run the dishwasher and clean all the dishes in the sink. Which would've been a lot easier with two people. But he can't help me do anything. He WON'T help me do anything. He won't through away pepsi can (which I know are his because I DON'T DRINK PEPSI), he won't bring dishes downstairs, he won't put dirty clothes in the hamper, he won't do anything. So, when he said he couldn't do anything, I was perfectly okay with it. Because I had already knew he wasn't going to help me and I said so. Then he got mad me because I already knew he was going to weasle out of helping me.
So what does this all come down to? I give him until Friday to shape up or ship out. I don't think I'll completely break up with him because I do love him, but I don't think he's ready to be the adult I need him because I can't believe a damn word he says. Which is very disappointing. You would think that somebody who claims to want to marry me, would you know, maybe want to prove to me that he's worth marrying. But all living with him has done is show me how much I really don't think we should get married. Ever. Because I somehow have this feeling that he's never going to grow up. Because if you can muster up the motivation to do something as simple as throwing away soda cans, then how I can trust to get a real job or pick up our children on time, or pay bills?
I graduated high school on Friday and I'm still wrapping my head around it a bit. I've looked forword to nothing in life more than graduating high school and now that it's happened I feel very inbetween things at the moment. Because I'm poor, lazy, and just barely technically not a minority, I couldn't go too far away to school, but at least I'm getting the hell out of dodge. In about two months I'll be moving into my dorm room in Reno. Which, plus side, is only a few hours drive from San Fransico :D. Speaking of San Fransico, I'm planning on ditching my family for about a month next summer and running around California a bit. My ulitmate goal is S.F. because I think it's beautiful and because I know 1 person there :) However, what I really want to do is experience being on my own in a totally new place. I'm a bit sick of my boyfriend being everywhere, and my parents are very protective (I'm an only child though, so I'm not really surprised), but god damn, I want to be alone in a new place. I described the feeling fairly well to a friend of mine about a month ago, and while he understood, I don't think Kyle and the 'rents quite do yet.
The only male I can trust is my Dog. Because dogs never promise to do something you already know they won't and all they want is be fed and loved.
I've come to genuinely believe that statement. It's not an aspersion upon the opposite gender, so much as a reflection on those around me. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I can't really trust anything my boyfriend says he's going to do because he leaves so many holes for him to worm himself out of things. Here's some backstory: My boyfriend lives with me and my parents because his parents live in Henderson (45 miles away and Bum Fuckin' Egypt if you live in North Las Vegas) and its too far to drive back and forth. My parents are fucking poor (my aunt and uncle have a college fund for me). I have a job, but it sucks (22 hours in two weeks and it's on the Strip to boot) and doesn't really pay for anything. We've been dating two years /End Backstory. Anyway, he's been home over a month from Reno (he goes up there too) and has not gotten a job, or has even really looked for a job. I've talked to him about it, and he says he's working on it, but it's rather difficult to look for a job when all you do is play world of warcraft in a bathrobe all day. Quite honestly, him not having a job wouldn't bug me so much if he just helped around the house. My room is fucking filthy because I've been too busy the last month to clean it (sorry, Work+Exams+Graduating High School+Actually looking for a new job have taken up a lot of spare time) and he's too fucking lazy to do. He sits around in his bathrobe all day because he's too fucking lazy to do laundry. Yet, he's massively underweight (6ft tall and 130 lbs), because he's too fucking lazy to fucking eat. I have said all of these things to him and I honestly thought that he would change, but he hasn't. There's no reason why my backyard should be messy when he's home all day to help my mom around and he worms himself out of everything. Today he helped me make dinner and it was pretty large (we've both been sick the last couple of days and haven't eaten) and messy and earlier he promised to help me clean up the kitchen for my mom. We watched some movies, and one of his contacts started bugging him, so he put some eyedrops in. When we decided that we were done watching movies and I asked him to help me clean the kitchen "my eye hurts too much" Your eye hurts too much to wash dishes. Yup. As predicted, he came up with a reason why he couldn't help clean. To make it even better, the dishwasher hadn't been unloaded yet, so I had to unload that plus clean the counters, and do two full sinks of dishes. It got better, turned out that all the dishes I put away, actually weren't clean, so I had to put them all back, run the dishwasher and clean all the dishes in the sink. Which would've been a lot easier with two people. But he can't help me do anything. He WON'T help me do anything. He won't through away pepsi can (which I know are his because I DON'T DRINK PEPSI), he won't bring dishes downstairs, he won't put dirty clothes in the hamper, he won't do anything. So, when he said he couldn't do anything, I was perfectly okay with it. Because I had already knew he wasn't going to help me and I said so. Then he got mad me because I already knew he was going to weasle out of helping me.
So what does this all come down to? I give him until Friday to shape up or ship out. I don't think I'll completely break up with him because I do love him, but I don't think he's ready to be the adult I need him because I can't believe a damn word he says. Which is very disappointing. You would think that somebody who claims to want to marry me, would you know, maybe want to prove to me that he's worth marrying. But all living with him has done is show me how much I really don't think we should get married. Ever. Because I somehow have this feeling that he's never going to grow up. Because if you can muster up the motivation to do something as simple as throwing away soda cans, then how I can trust to get a real job or pick up our children on time, or pay bills?