Disclaimer: Can you keep the lying to a minimum......
You ever know someone who was a habitual liar? Like....they lie about EVERYTHING....even the smallest most obscure things, that no one who's secure in themselves should have to lie about.
Its sad to because the particular individual I'm talking about I've known forever. And at one point we were really really close, we had a lot of the same things in common...and we still do. When we were good friends, I knew her and her family fairly well...so when she was lying, I knew. She didn't come from much.....literally welfare/WIC checks were regular means of getting food.....basically what some may call "the ghetto". And being in high school, I can understand the need to "fit in" and be accepted by your peers (who often judge you on the way you dress, how much money you have, etc..), so lying was definitely her defense mechanism. Her lying soon spilled over to jealousy . For example (I just realized it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn...but really its just to give you an idea of what I mean....):
-my family could afford to send me to dance class and hers couldn't.....
-I'd been on Broadway, she hadn't....
-I got to travel around the world with my family, she hadn't yet, but sorely wanted to leave the ghettos of Elizabeth,NJ........
-the "cool kids" didn't like her like the way they liked me.....
At the time none of this mattered....I was completely aware of it.....but I just sort of accepted it for what it was....and even thought for most of the time I was imagining it ! Until friends...and (perhaps worse) teachers we were both close to started to noticed her passive aggressive behavior towards me and her 'wierd' outlandish lies.
Eventually we had a big falling out (and whenever I argue it is ALWAYS on my terms, which I guess made the situation alot easier for me...but I know it definitely knocked her on her ass ) and in addition to her lying and jealousy(perhaps inadvertent) slowly but surely our friendship dwindled.
Now fastfoward like......6 years....I'm 'nicer' than I used to be...and now have a bit more patience for things that can only stem from ignorance.....
I randomly got in contact with her...and she seemed to be doing well. I knew ppl who'd seen her and spoken to her throughout the years, and they had good and bad things to say....but nevertheless I was actually quite excited! I hadn't seen or spoken to her in ages...but she'd gone off to college and had now graduated, awesome! Surely she'd learned....surely she'd gotten over the need to lie to ppl she care about, and maybe now she actually learned what it meant to put into practice those ideals of self-worth and self-love that she so took pleasure doling out.
And she had!!!.....until about 30 minutes into our conversation. It funny how you can still pick up on certain things....a blib in someone's tone....the way certain nuances of a story don't quite fit......I could pick out distinctly what was a lie and what was true...even when she's typing! I soon realized (from various sources) that she lies about random things to her close friends and fiance even now!....Part of me was angry, and wanted to tell ppl that she was a BIG PHONY....part of me found this hilarious...the other part (the biggest part, *emo tear*,LOL) found it quite sad. Sad because I KNOW she has a lot of AWESOME qualities...ones that she doesn't have to lie about, and its for this reason that I really wanted to remain her friend.....but the incessant lying drives me fucking crazy.
Naturally, she doesn't have to listen to a word I say, no one does(lol)....and as far as I know she's created a comfy little niche for herself. But I REALLY want to sit her down and just ask her straight up WHY!?! WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO LIE?! Not in a confrontational way.....just for clarification. Because I feel like its the only problem I have with her, otherwise we'd actually be cool again. And I would....if I didn't think she'd just fabricate a response instead of REALLY dealing.
Fin.
Its sad to because the particular individual I'm talking about I've known forever. And at one point we were really really close, we had a lot of the same things in common...and we still do. When we were good friends, I knew her and her family fairly well...so when she was lying, I knew. She didn't come from much.....literally welfare/WIC checks were regular means of getting food.....basically what some may call "the ghetto". And being in high school, I can understand the need to "fit in" and be accepted by your peers (who often judge you on the way you dress, how much money you have, etc..), so lying was definitely her defense mechanism. Her lying soon spilled over to jealousy . For example (I just realized it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn...but really its just to give you an idea of what I mean....):
-my family could afford to send me to dance class and hers couldn't.....
-I'd been on Broadway, she hadn't....
-I got to travel around the world with my family, she hadn't yet, but sorely wanted to leave the ghettos of Elizabeth,NJ........
-the "cool kids" didn't like her like the way they liked me.....
At the time none of this mattered....I was completely aware of it.....but I just sort of accepted it for what it was....and even thought for most of the time I was imagining it ! Until friends...and (perhaps worse) teachers we were both close to started to noticed her passive aggressive behavior towards me and her 'wierd' outlandish lies.
Eventually we had a big falling out (and whenever I argue it is ALWAYS on my terms, which I guess made the situation alot easier for me...but I know it definitely knocked her on her ass ) and in addition to her lying and jealousy(perhaps inadvertent) slowly but surely our friendship dwindled.
Now fastfoward like......6 years....I'm 'nicer' than I used to be...and now have a bit more patience for things that can only stem from ignorance.....
I randomly got in contact with her...and she seemed to be doing well. I knew ppl who'd seen her and spoken to her throughout the years, and they had good and bad things to say....but nevertheless I was actually quite excited! I hadn't seen or spoken to her in ages...but she'd gone off to college and had now graduated, awesome! Surely she'd learned....surely she'd gotten over the need to lie to ppl she care about, and maybe now she actually learned what it meant to put into practice those ideals of self-worth and self-love that she so took pleasure doling out.
And she had!!!.....until about 30 minutes into our conversation. It funny how you can still pick up on certain things....a blib in someone's tone....the way certain nuances of a story don't quite fit......I could pick out distinctly what was a lie and what was true...even when she's typing! I soon realized (from various sources) that she lies about random things to her close friends and fiance even now!....Part of me was angry, and wanted to tell ppl that she was a BIG PHONY....part of me found this hilarious...the other part (the biggest part, *emo tear*,LOL) found it quite sad. Sad because I KNOW she has a lot of AWESOME qualities...ones that she doesn't have to lie about, and its for this reason that I really wanted to remain her friend.....but the incessant lying drives me fucking crazy.
Naturally, she doesn't have to listen to a word I say, no one does(lol)....and as far as I know she's created a comfy little niche for herself. But I REALLY want to sit her down and just ask her straight up WHY!?! WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED TO LIE?! Not in a confrontational way.....just for clarification. Because I feel like its the only problem I have with her, otherwise we'd actually be cool again. And I would....if I didn't think she'd just fabricate a response instead of REALLY dealing.
Fin.