le temps qui passe...
I thought I was upset at first
then later i realize that's just not really the case.
It's just that whenever I sit alone somewhere I think about stuff
then I become semi depressed.
I just miss everyone.
It's like sometimes you think about those good'o days
and you're like, Hey I wonder how so and so are doing!
And you just want to go visit them and talk.
Talk about anything, it's all good and fun =)
But yeah I always get to the point where I sigh and just
cant do a thing about it. Not that I'm lazy, but just that
I'm physically incapable of doing such a thing.
I'm kept away from doing all the things I really want to do.
Half of them I still don't know what they are, but there are
stuff I know but can't do a thing about it.
Anyways, it's rather disappointing.
And a lot of times I'm just scared.
I'm scared that I don't know how to open up and that one day isolate myself.
In that case I'll just be alone for the rest of my life.
It's kind of scary.
Sometimes it takes me a lot of courage to even turn on my computer and go online or anything that I use to connect with people.
I've totally lost in touch with mostly everyone I thought I knew so well and were so close with. I should've know better, because eventually after a long time people start to have less things to talk about, especially on msn or wtv.
I just want everything to be as natural as it it, but it's just so hard to fit in that way.
But what does that really mean anyway?
I guess I just don't want to be seen as someone who tries very hard to fit in when the answer is that I can't really, at least not now.
Anyways it's just tough even just thinking about it.
But there must be a reason why I'm in all this mess.
It's probably like a test or something.
For the first time in my life I actually start to think about how I might never get married. It's strange. I mean, when I was younger I never thought it before. I always thought I was gonna have a family like the one I have right now. Maybe it's because I haven't been meeting people and sometimes I feel so disconnected. So yeah, I think about being alone, even though I don't want to. But I also start to think about how being with another person is tough sometimes too. You have to pay so much attention on him/her that you sometimes don't even have time for yourself. But of course I guess if you really like that someone then things like that don't really matter, but then as time goes by you'll still start to feel it. Unless the person is not that demanding then yeah! I don't know. haha It's just a thought, I could be wrong. I guess I'm just a little scared sometimes too when it comes to love.
I wish I don't have to feel this way though cuz it really suck a lot actually. Hopefully bit by bit I can open up more and more.
Why does it seem like it's harder for me to open up to people now? When other people use to tell me stuff like that about themselves, I really didn't understand what they mean. I didn't even think it was possible. I don't think it's that we've lost the interest in things or people, but i guess it's just tough to pour out all that we've got. Or perhaps we just don't want to waste it and that we just want to save it for something or someone special. But will I ever know what that specialness feels like?
Maybe I don't deserve it, I don't know.
then later i realize that's just not really the case.
It's just that whenever I sit alone somewhere I think about stuff
then I become semi depressed.
I just miss everyone.
It's like sometimes you think about those good'o days
and you're like, Hey I wonder how so and so are doing!
And you just want to go visit them and talk.
Talk about anything, it's all good and fun =)
But yeah I always get to the point where I sigh and just
cant do a thing about it. Not that I'm lazy, but just that
I'm physically incapable of doing such a thing.
I'm kept away from doing all the things I really want to do.
Half of them I still don't know what they are, but there are
stuff I know but can't do a thing about it.
Anyways, it's rather disappointing.
And a lot of times I'm just scared.
I'm scared that I don't know how to open up and that one day isolate myself.
In that case I'll just be alone for the rest of my life.
It's kind of scary.
Sometimes it takes me a lot of courage to even turn on my computer and go online or anything that I use to connect with people.
I've totally lost in touch with mostly everyone I thought I knew so well and were so close with. I should've know better, because eventually after a long time people start to have less things to talk about, especially on msn or wtv.
I just want everything to be as natural as it it, but it's just so hard to fit in that way.
But what does that really mean anyway?
I guess I just don't want to be seen as someone who tries very hard to fit in when the answer is that I can't really, at least not now.
Anyways it's just tough even just thinking about it.
But there must be a reason why I'm in all this mess.
It's probably like a test or something.
For the first time in my life I actually start to think about how I might never get married. It's strange. I mean, when I was younger I never thought it before. I always thought I was gonna have a family like the one I have right now. Maybe it's because I haven't been meeting people and sometimes I feel so disconnected. So yeah, I think about being alone, even though I don't want to. But I also start to think about how being with another person is tough sometimes too. You have to pay so much attention on him/her that you sometimes don't even have time for yourself. But of course I guess if you really like that someone then things like that don't really matter, but then as time goes by you'll still start to feel it. Unless the person is not that demanding then yeah! I don't know. haha It's just a thought, I could be wrong. I guess I'm just a little scared sometimes too when it comes to love.
I wish I don't have to feel this way though cuz it really suck a lot actually. Hopefully bit by bit I can open up more and more.
Why does it seem like it's harder for me to open up to people now? When other people use to tell me stuff like that about themselves, I really didn't understand what they mean. I didn't even think it was possible. I don't think it's that we've lost the interest in things or people, but i guess it's just tough to pour out all that we've got. Or perhaps we just don't want to waste it and that we just want to save it for something or someone special. But will I ever know what that specialness feels like?
Maybe I don't deserve it, I don't know.