(no subject)
I am disappointed.
I didn't make it to the gym on Sunday, so I vowed that I would get up early with Mark and go this morning, since the gym is closed by the time I get out of my GRE class tonight, and I didn't want to miss going two days in a row. But instead I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and watched the clock tick away, thinking about how Mondays are long days and I won't get home until after 9, and my eating schedule gets screwed up and the internal soliloquy begins....
oh gosh I really need to fall asleep so that I can go to the gym at 5:30... okay maybe 6:00... oh nooo it's already 4:45 and I need to sleep .... why can't I just fall asleep?.... okay breathe slowly in and out... feeling sleepy now ...good good .... slow .... breathe.... sleepy....breathing....what time is it now?
no no don't look! don't open your eyes. don't look at that clock, Leah. DON'T LOOK! DON'T!!
4:52
why did I look? why? can't I just fall asleep? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
4:53. Shit! Stop that!!! STOP LOOKING!!!!!!!!!! GO TO SLEEP!!!
this isn't relaxing. i need a new inside-my-head voice.
5:00
Not gonna happen. Damnit.