OLD THIRD PERSON SAMPLEgreyrook_22February 13 2009, 14:23:19 UTC
Third Person Writing Sample: Agni opened Ciel’s closet to check if everything was in its proper place. Earlier the prince wanted to try and fold clothes again, to show Ciel that he was learning something in his stay in England. The last time Soma did this it ended up with all of Ciel’s clothes twisted into a pile that supposedly resembled an elephant. He secretly fixed the clothes and placed them in their respective hangers and shelves, but the prince got a hold of them when they had to wash them again.
He was surprised when he saw Ciel's clothes properly folded, save for a few wrinkly ones in the corner. He felt a great surge of pride. Here was his prince, who usually messes up on the simplest of chores (and usually in very unusual ways), learning how to fold clothes properly. He took one of the wrinkled shirts and spread it out on a nearby table. He was smoothing out the creases when he heard the door burst open.
“Agni!” Soma called out. The boy walked towards him, peering over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“Prince!” Agni thought about how he should answer for a while. It was obvious that he was fixing Soma’s work, but should he say it? He didn’t want to risk hurting the prince’s feelings, even if it was just about clothes. But if he didn’t say anything, how would the prince learn? Soma wanted to become a better person in England, and he took initiative in this endeavor. Surely he wouldn’t mind being told how to do things by a mere servant if the said servant knew how to get things done.
“Agni!” the tone of Soma’s voice was impatient.
“Yes?” He folded the shirt as quickly and as neatly as he could and placed it on the table. He was ready for his next command.
Soma looked at Agni, then on the shirt, then back at Agni. “Hmm… so that’s how it’s done?”
Agni nodded. “It might help if you make sure that the sleeves aren’t poking out from underneath the folds before putting it in the closet,” he said casually.
“Oh.” With his eyebrows furrowed and his lips forming a slight pout, Agni knew that Soma was in deep thought, which lasted for five seconds or so. Soma grinned and took a letter from his pocket. “Anyway, Agni, I got a letter from little Ciel today!”
Agni smiled as Soma read the letter out loud, proudly announcing that his best friend was going to visit. They were miles away from home and yet it was in England where they started having people other than each other to call friends, and this made it all worth it.
NOT SO OLD THIRD PERSON SAMPLEgreyrook_22February 16 2009, 00:31:09 UTC
While he and the prince were staying in the Phantomhive mansion, Agni did his best to help with the chores, including the gardening. The garden was mostly managed by the Phantomhive family gardener, a young boy named Finnian. He claimed to get into trouble by being too strong and too enthusiastic, but Agni knew that he was the type who really wanted to be of help. He was a kind boy and surely his strength had a purpose. When he let Finnian help him with the cooking, they were able to save a lot of time with mashing the potatoes. Now it was his turn to help Finnian, who was a bit short for his age and had problems with reaching high places. So he let Finnian ride on his shoulders as they trimmed some of the trees.
“Mr. Agni, you’re from India, right?” Finnian asked as he reached for one of the branches with his scissors.
Agni saw that Finnian was going to cut off too much of the branch and hopped to the side just before he heard the snip. The branch that fell down was just the right size. “Yes,” he answered with a smile. “Why do you ask?”
“I heard about it from the prince!” Agni had to duck this time for Finnian to get the right branch. He didn’t think Finnian knew much about what he was doing, but Finnian loved his job and Agni didn’t want to ruin the mood. Besides, Agni was doing his best to prevent any further damage to the trees. “It sounds like a wonderful place, India,” Finnian continued. “The elephants, and the curry, and the warm sun and the sword swallowers. It really sounds like an exciting place! I’d like to visit it someday.”
“Of course you can. I’m sure Lord Ciel would let you accompany him if ever he plans to visit us in India,” said Agni. He checked the right side of the tree silently and approved of its trim.
“Hmmm… I don’t think he would,” Finnian said. “He would rather bring Sebastian with him, besides, I want to go alone! Like an adventure! I’m strong enough to do it, right, Mr.Agni?” Finnian flailed excitedly so much that Agni thought he was going to fall and held on tighter on the boy’s legs.
Agni had to laugh. Something about the boy reminded him of Soma. Both Finnian and the prince were easily excited by the simplest of things, cheerful, enthusiastic and slightly naïve. He was now fonder of Finnian than he was before.
He was also reminded of something else. Here in England, it seemed that servants had more freedom than back in India. While Mr. Sebastian would sometimes complain about the fuss the other servants caused, they could talk to each other and to Lord Ciel with more ease as compared to how the servants back in India treated Prince Soma. Perhaps if circumstances were different, if they were born in England, Soma wouldn’t be as lonely as he was. Perhaps Meena would have had the chance to pursue whatever it was she wished to be without being restricted to being a servant.
Without the restrictions of the caste system, Agni would never have had the powers he abused as a Brahmin. He would never have been sent to prison and he would never have met Soma. And for that, Agni had to admit that he was slightly grateful.
“AH!” Finnian’s scream broke Agni’s train of thought. “I cut off too much of that branch! Sebastian’s going to get mad at me!”
“Don’t panic, young man!” Agni said. “I’m sure we could find a way to fix it.” But then he heard the prince’s voice call for him from inside the house and knew that he had to leave Finnian.
“It’s ok, Mr. Agni.” Finnian hopped off his back and grinned. “I’ll take care of this! Don’t worry!”
Agni bowed at him and thanked him before rushing into the house to serve his prince. Still, he couldn’t help but be worried about what might happen with Finnian and the garden. He returned much later, when Soma was playing cards with Ciel, to see how devastated the trees looked and did his best to fix things himself before Sebastian found out.
[... I thought my old one was rejected for too much Soma. Now it's because I needed to show Agni's motivations more. orz]
Agni opened Ciel’s closet to check if everything was in its proper place. Earlier the prince wanted to try and fold clothes again, to show Ciel that he was learning something in his stay in England. The last time Soma did this it ended up with all of Ciel’s clothes twisted into a pile that supposedly resembled an elephant. He secretly fixed the clothes and placed them in their respective hangers and shelves, but the prince got a hold of them when they had to wash them again.
He was surprised when he saw Ciel's clothes properly folded, save for a few wrinkly ones in the corner. He felt a great surge of pride. Here was his prince, who usually messes up on the simplest of chores (and usually in very unusual ways), learning how to fold clothes properly. He took one of the wrinkled shirts and spread it out on a nearby table. He was smoothing out the creases when he heard the door burst open.
“Agni!” Soma called out. The boy walked towards him, peering over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“Prince!” Agni thought about how he should answer for a while. It was obvious that he was fixing Soma’s work, but should he say it? He didn’t want to risk hurting the prince’s feelings, even if it was just about clothes. But if he didn’t say anything, how would the prince learn? Soma wanted to become a better person in England, and he took initiative in this endeavor. Surely he wouldn’t mind being told how to do things by a mere servant if the said servant knew how to get things done.
“Agni!” the tone of Soma’s voice was impatient.
“Yes?” He folded the shirt as quickly and as neatly as he could and placed it on the table. He was ready for his next command.
Soma looked at Agni, then on the shirt, then back at Agni. “Hmm… so that’s how it’s done?”
Agni nodded. “It might help if you make sure that the sleeves aren’t poking out from underneath the folds before putting it in the closet,” he said casually.
“Oh.” With his eyebrows furrowed and his lips forming a slight pout, Agni knew that Soma was in deep thought, which lasted for five seconds or so. Soma grinned and took a letter from his pocket. “Anyway, Agni, I got a letter from little Ciel today!”
Agni smiled as Soma read the letter out loud, proudly announcing that his best friend was going to visit. They were miles away from home and yet it was in England where they started having people other than each other to call friends, and this made it all worth it.
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“Mr. Agni, you’re from India, right?” Finnian asked as he reached for one of the branches with his scissors.
Agni saw that Finnian was going to cut off too much of the branch and hopped to the side just before he heard the snip. The branch that fell down was just the right size. “Yes,” he answered with a smile. “Why do you ask?”
“I heard about it from the prince!” Agni had to duck this time for Finnian to get the right branch. He didn’t think Finnian knew much about what he was doing, but Finnian loved his job and Agni didn’t want to ruin the mood. Besides, Agni was doing his best to prevent any further damage to the trees. “It sounds like a wonderful place, India,” Finnian continued. “The elephants, and the curry, and the warm sun and the sword swallowers. It really sounds like an exciting place! I’d like to visit it someday.”
“Of course you can. I’m sure Lord Ciel would let you accompany him if ever he plans to visit us in India,” said Agni. He checked the right side of the tree silently and approved of its trim.
“Hmmm… I don’t think he would,” Finnian said. “He would rather bring Sebastian with him, besides, I want to go alone! Like an adventure! I’m strong enough to do it, right, Mr.Agni?” Finnian flailed excitedly so much that Agni thought he was going to fall and held on tighter on the boy’s legs.
Agni had to laugh. Something about the boy reminded him of Soma. Both Finnian and the prince were easily excited by the simplest of things, cheerful, enthusiastic and slightly naïve. He was now fonder of Finnian than he was before.
He was also reminded of something else. Here in England, it seemed that servants had more freedom than back in India. While Mr. Sebastian would sometimes complain about the fuss the other servants caused, they could talk to each other and to Lord Ciel with more ease as compared to how the servants back in India treated Prince Soma. Perhaps if circumstances were different, if they were born in England, Soma wouldn’t be as lonely as he was. Perhaps Meena would have had the chance to pursue whatever it was she wished to be without being restricted to being a servant.
Without the restrictions of the caste system, Agni would never have had the powers he abused as a Brahmin. He would never have been sent to prison and he would never have met Soma. And for that, Agni had to admit that he was slightly grateful.
“AH!” Finnian’s scream broke Agni’s train of thought. “I cut off too much of that branch! Sebastian’s going to get mad at me!”
“Don’t panic, young man!” Agni said. “I’m sure we could find a way to fix it.” But then he heard the prince’s voice call for him from inside the house and knew that he had to leave Finnian.
“It’s ok, Mr. Agni.” Finnian hopped off his back and grinned. “I’ll take care of this! Don’t worry!”
Agni bowed at him and thanked him before rushing into the house to serve his prince. Still, he couldn’t help but be worried about what might happen with Finnian and the garden. He returned much later, when Soma was playing cards with Ciel, to see how devastated the trees looked and did his best to fix things himself before Sebastian found out.
[... I thought my old one was rejected for too much Soma. Now it's because I needed to show Agni's motivations more. orz]
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