Living In My Dreams, Rather Than Reality. Reality Isn't Worth The Trouble, Really
I'm out of air, when it comes to explaining "the real side" of the story. In the words of Jacques, "Fuck it". Other people can move in with a man, and stay at home, looking after his kids, while selling things they made online/cleaning house. Not me. I manage to have a kid with an orphan/addict, and because I don't live with him, and he's not going to work to support me, I can't spend my life, staying home to look after his child/sell things online/clean. Even though it's MY life, not social services'. If I defend my own life, I get my child taken from me, and I'm just making excuses as to why I can't work, and I can only keep my child, if I could work and they know for a fact I can't, 'cause cognitively delayed peoples' first priority isn't safety, they can't take orders and they can't understand why they can't get jobs, even if they're not entirely qualified to work at them. How are you ever going to obtain the qualifications/experience in the first place, if that one person isn't willing to even give you a chance? That's the honest to God truth, not some defect invented by some know-it-all, who decided to use expertise they, themselves, pulled out of the air, to prevent people from living their lives and learning, and called it "psychology" or "reality". I can't stay at home, looking after Gallagher, while selling things/cleaning, 'cause I'm single, yet I went to school with girls, who's mothers supported them, using welfare, 'cause they wanted to be the kind of mother who stayed at home selling things/cleaning. Or they got borders in, so they could pay a mortgage. Uh-huh. So, then, social services makes your confidence take even more of a nosedive, when everytime you make the effort to apply for a job, you don't get it, when you didn't even want a job outside of the home to begin with. They wanted you to have one. Social services also makes you want to hate the father of your child, because he can't live with and support you, so that you can stay at home with your child, and you start believing he's damaged, as well, 'cause of his past as an addict/orphan. Your future is your future, though, so it doesn't depend on him. It depends on you, deciding that you're going to be a stay-at-home, regardless of the fact that you're single. But how can you do that, if social services is dangling your kid infront of you, until you give up the fight to live your life your way, and live it their's instead? And how can you even give up living your life your way, and live it the way everybody else wants you to, if you can't even get a job to get the ball rolling in the first place? It's the economy. It's the fact that I'm in a suburb. It's the fact that you're not letting me move away from my mother. But all the courts see that as is an excuse, even though you've tried and failed many times.
So I finally had a dream about Gallagher's sister, Krista last night! I've dreamt of Gallagher's dad, and Krista and Amanda's mom, and even Amanda a couple times, but never Krista. I can't remember where we were, but she was telling me how Amanda was working at a laundry mat, and so I said, "Oh, so she cleans, and you cook". And she said, "That's right" and half-smiled. I showed her Gallagher's Santa picture, and instead of being a bitch and refusing to look at it, or blaming me for getting him taken, or being more concerned about a trip than him, she looked at it and said, "Oh, is he ever cute!". Maybe we were at her restaurant, but it was a lot bigger than the restaurant where she works, so I don't know. I also had a dream, that she wrote in her blog about visiting her dad at the rehab, but she wasn't in it. I was only reading about her visits in her blog. She was bashing everybody there, 'cause it was more like a war battlefield, like they were in boot camp, instead of rehab, though, and I guess, in the dream, she was anti-war. And I went there, but just saw Bob in the doorway, and then he went back inside, and I didn't go up to him. I just left.
Then, I had another dream, where I gave birth to a little girl named Berlin, who was 6 lbs, 6 ounces and 33 inches long, lol! I didn't have a natural birth, or an epidural, but took Advil, instead and, it helped, to a point where I was just able to walk out of the delivery room as soon as I had her. I didn't have her with me, when I walked out of the delivery room, but I didn't walk out of the hosptial, either. I waited at the doors, and my mom met me there, with Berlin in her arms. It wasn't the same hospital I gave birth to Gallagher in. Then, I think, my Mom and Berlin went home, so Berlin could be introduced to Gallagher, and I went to get a massive flower tattoo on my ankle/foot. And Johnny picked me up in his van afterwards, and Bob and Amanda were also in the van with him. They were in the front seat, I was in the back. We drove by a dog farm, and I wanted one of the dogs they put in shows over there, and Bob even said he'd like a dog, too, but I guess I phoned Mom from the van and she said 'No' :( Johnny dropped Amanda and Bob off first, and I asked if they wanted to just come over, instead, to meet Gallagher and Berlin. Bob said, "Can't, I'm busy"(I'm assuming Berlin was his child, as well; oh, shit!) I was frying scrambled eggs in a kitchenette in the backseat, but there was a sink right under the frying pan, so whenever Johnny would turn the corner, the eggs would go down the drain, before they were finished frying, lmao!!
So I finally had a dream about Gallagher's sister, Krista last night! I've dreamt of Gallagher's dad, and Krista and Amanda's mom, and even Amanda a couple times, but never Krista. I can't remember where we were, but she was telling me how Amanda was working at a laundry mat, and so I said, "Oh, so she cleans, and you cook". And she said, "That's right" and half-smiled. I showed her Gallagher's Santa picture, and instead of being a bitch and refusing to look at it, or blaming me for getting him taken, or being more concerned about a trip than him, she looked at it and said, "Oh, is he ever cute!". Maybe we were at her restaurant, but it was a lot bigger than the restaurant where she works, so I don't know. I also had a dream, that she wrote in her blog about visiting her dad at the rehab, but she wasn't in it. I was only reading about her visits in her blog. She was bashing everybody there, 'cause it was more like a war battlefield, like they were in boot camp, instead of rehab, though, and I guess, in the dream, she was anti-war. And I went there, but just saw Bob in the doorway, and then he went back inside, and I didn't go up to him. I just left.
Then, I had another dream, where I gave birth to a little girl named Berlin, who was 6 lbs, 6 ounces and 33 inches long, lol! I didn't have a natural birth, or an epidural, but took Advil, instead and, it helped, to a point where I was just able to walk out of the delivery room as soon as I had her. I didn't have her with me, when I walked out of the delivery room, but I didn't walk out of the hosptial, either. I waited at the doors, and my mom met me there, with Berlin in her arms. It wasn't the same hospital I gave birth to Gallagher in. Then, I think, my Mom and Berlin went home, so Berlin could be introduced to Gallagher, and I went to get a massive flower tattoo on my ankle/foot. And Johnny picked me up in his van afterwards, and Bob and Amanda were also in the van with him. They were in the front seat, I was in the back. We drove by a dog farm, and I wanted one of the dogs they put in shows over there, and Bob even said he'd like a dog, too, but I guess I phoned Mom from the van and she said 'No' :( Johnny dropped Amanda and Bob off first, and I asked if they wanted to just come over, instead, to meet Gallagher and Berlin. Bob said, "Can't, I'm busy"(I'm assuming Berlin was his child, as well; oh, shit!) I was frying scrambled eggs in a kitchenette in the backseat, but there was a sink right under the frying pan, so whenever Johnny would turn the corner, the eggs would go down the drain, before they were finished frying, lmao!!