something wicked this way comes...
I awoke today to the sounds of Cyndi Lauper squealing her "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" anthem. I listened for a few mind-numbing seconds before rolling over and shutting off the stereo. Then I just laid there, smirking, 'cuz it's true... I just wanna have fun. But this past week has been anything but fun. I had last night, what can only be described as the symptoms of a classic hag attack.
Where to start? Why not from the beginning..
This past week has been stressful as all get out. We are accepting Christmas Applications at The Salvation Army and this of course attracts all types of "adults". We've done about 140 applications so far and we're going to keep doing them until we run out (at the 300 mark). I'm sick and tired of rude, pushy, impatient children...oh I mean "adults" who can't see that we're simply trying to help out. We don't have to. We don't owe you anything. In fact, without us, a good portion of this county would be starving, barefoot, and quite simply: shit out of luck. At this point, I'm ready to shelve it all. Yes yes, there are the ones who appreciate it. And it's nice to hear it because there are times when it's like: Why do we bother? The point of the organization is not to hand you everything you're ever going to need on a silver platter . . . but to meet you halfway. You're not the only person on this planet who needs help and if we give your lazy ass everything . . . what about the other person out there with five kids who, at least has a part time job and just needs a little help . . . help which wouldn't be available if we hand everything to the pissy whiny-assed little jerkoffs who think it's their right to receive this help.
And I am sick to death of people who don't bother to read anymore. We make all these bright signs with bold capital letters and nobody bothers to look at them. If it can't be found on google or plugged into your ears, you might as well be blind, deaf, and dumb. The sad thing is, as a member of many ezboards in the past, even google prooved to be too much to handle! You want everything handed to you...and when it is, you're not happy with it! You want to argue, to worm your way around rules because you're too good for them.
I've never in my life felt like murdering people as much as I do now. Happy holidays everyone...for whatever it's worth...
Last Sunday, me and Aria and her grandparents went to Dennys for lunch. We were waited on by Carol Ann - a sweet lady, if very tall, and...trans. She called me 'dear'. :D Wanted to lay my head against her bosom and have her rock me and sing ...umm anyway... of course, Aria's overly conservative grandparents ...*sigh* I was thinking to myself, please please please don't say anything. Well, after Carol Ann left us, he bowed his head to pray: Please God don't let us be a part of this world anymore than we have to. Well, after everything, he gave her 26 cents as her tip. Your prayer was a waste. With that action, you became a part of the world when you lost all your decency. Is it just me...or shouldn't people be allowed to use whatever fucking restroom they feel most comfortable with? During lunch, Aria's grandma says to me: Eugene (the city) is trying to get an ordinance passed that would ban discrimination on gender identity! So if your male employee decides to dress up as a woman (she makes it sound so damn "out of the blue"), there's not anything you can do about it. And they're even going so far as to allow them to use the women's restroom!"
Oh dear. What an outrage. Yes, because we should all be allowed to discriminate against a group of people because they're different than us. *rolls eyes* Say it with me now...transwomen ARE REAL WOMEN. Transmen ARE REAL MEN. And I for one, though I'm not trans, I am damn proud of them. And I don't think I have to explain why, especially in this world.
Also, a few nights ago, as I was walking out of the cyber cafe, I heard some guy scream really loudly...it sounded...girly, lol. I looked across the street and the kid that screamed...was looking at this lady who...I don't know how to say this. I think "mid-operation" is the way to put it. The kid was just being an ass and the lady just walked on. I've seen her around before and all I gotta say is, that kid screamed because she was hotter than he'll ever be. :D
Last night, I took my daughter to bed, bade her good night, and then climbed into my own bed and snuggled under the covers at about 9:07 p.m. I fell asleep rather quickly. I don't remember drifting to sleep. I simply remember being awake and then ...not. I wasn't asleep for very long before I heard the noise ...but it felt like I'd been in a very deep sleep. I heard rushing water...almost like a big waterfall hitting the pool below. It was LOUD. And it was right in my freaking ear. I felt like getting out of my warm bed to go see what the hell that sound was. Only I couldn't move. I felt smothered, like a great weight was on me. I was willing myself to do no more than simply sit up, and all I could manage was a vain twitching of my fingers. I felt like I was in quicksand or something and I was sinking. It wasn't until I wrestled myself awake that the sound stopped. I could move, though I admit I was shaking. I sat up, took a few deep breaths, thought: wow that was weird. And then fell asleep again. Only to hear that sound again. Like the friggin Niagara Falls right in my bedroom. On top of the sound of rushing water, I heard someone yelling...someone who was very very angry. Once again, I became conscious...though I wasn't fully awake. I felt like I'd been tied up and sat on by someone very large. I couldn't move. This time instead of trying to move, I just tried to wake up but even that prooved to be difficult. Was I just imagining things? Was it just a weird dream? Why was I awake...I pretty much knew what was going on...but I couldn't fight it and open my eyes and get out of this weird thing? Finally I just opened my eyes and it seemed with that simple little action, it all stopped. All was quiet. Remember, it was 9:07 when I climbed into bed. I hazarded a glance at the clock and it read: 10:04. Not a full hour, yet not only did I feel like I'd been asleep for a very long time, I felt like I had just fought for my life.
I laid awake for a while, trying to calm my breathing. I started to wonder what it was that had changed... I hadn't attempted any "calls to the other side"...indeed, the other side comes to ME. I don't have to put in a call anywhere. I hadn't practiced magick of any kind in a very long time. At first that put me at ease since it wasn't anything I had opened up by accident. Then I remembered that wasn't a very good thing at all. I hadn't bothered with my shields. I hadn't bothered with any psychic cleansings. Nothing. Then I remembered the voodoo doll I bought a few days ago. I slept soundly Wednesday...somewhat...after the initial adrenaline caused by a bit too much Nyquil (the stuff makes me crazy) so when the idea that the voodoo doll caused this entered my head, I almost immediately refused that as a plausible scenario, instead thinking that my reptilian brain had simply reverted to a primitive state due to fear. Then I felt stupid that my mind even had to think that because...goodness ...haven't I learned anything in my seven years of being in the 'occult'? Not only did I feel like a complete amateur...I felt like a fool.
Well, the truth is, I didn't cleanse the doll when I brought into my home and stood it up against my vanity, against the mirror which reflects onto my bed. I hadn't intended to use it for any magickal reason...it was a souvenir. I'm weird like that. Do I cleanse mirrors that I intend to use for magick? Certainly. I wouldn't even think about not doing that. But do I pass through smoke the compact mirror that I throw into my purse and use only to update my lip gloss? Well, no. Why bother? And yet, I realize now that a voodoo doll found in a dark occult shop (who knows from whence it came?) is vastly different from a compact mirror found at Wal-Mart, no matter whether I use it for anything or not.
Perhaps I'm picking up on what the doll was used for...if anything. Some leftover emotional remnants of a ritual during which the doll was the star of the show. I am an empath after all. Not a very responsible one, though, from the looks of things. *sigh* Or perhaps the doll has nothing at all whatsoever to do with anything. And I have in fact attracted a hag. Truthfully, it wouldn't be the first time. I had an "incident" a few years back when I lived with my aunt in New Jersey. Some of you will remember that. I decided to open a door that I've never been able to close, but thankfully I was able to put up a screen door so I rarely if ever get bothered and then when I do, (why are spirits attracted to you when you're showering? what the hell is up with that?), it's some lost soul. Or I pick up on highly emotionally charged events that have long since passed...but play in a loop...over and over again, hoping against hope that this time it'll end differently. But they're not the ones hoping....'cuz they're dead. It's your hope that surfaces.
At any rate, something wicked this way comes and I am not at all equipped to deal with it. It's been so long that I've had to deal with otherworldly bullshit that I've simply lost my touch. Oh, I've since then dealt with otherworldly stuff, but it hasn't been by beings intent on stealing my energy. It's been by my father (not my human father) trying to get messages across to my lizard brain. They've not all been sunshine and puppies and roses type dreams but at least, upon having them, I'd feel secure, because I know my father would never hurt me, and whatever messages he gets across (no matter how disturbing) are not intended to cause me any misery.
Anyway, the only way I got to sleep was to turn on my radio. I listened for a few minutes what sounded like an episode of Loveline, with women who sound like they're 16 calling in saying: Well, I have a problem with my boyfriend. He's 80 and still waiting for "the right woman". How can I convince him I'm the one? Also he pees the bed...And then two guys answer...two guys who both don't know anything about anything trying to sound like they do and the people who call...are just as stupid 'cuz they think they're being helped...but they're not. I turned the knob to the soft rock and 80s synth pop station. And eventually fell asleep to the smooth voice of the guy who sings for that commercial about "the fabric of our lives" with old people dancing in their underwear...
So, it's felt really good to get that all out of my system. I am on Smoke and Mirrors right now attempting to find spells or something that'll help and I have found a few useful ones. But I realize...I know I know I know, I have to stay up to date on meditating and shielding, otherwise any banishing will be pointless, because the thing will just come back.
They always come back...
And I haven't even gotten to describing my weird as hell dream. Basically, I experienced the flood (yeah, the one in the bible) except in modern times (skyscrapers and no arks to speak of) and it was slow-going. There was water coming down...you knew eventually it was going to fill the world but it was going to take a while. Some people tried to just go about their days like there wasn't endless rain and like we weren't all facing our eventual doom. Others ran about naked and had sex on top of skyscrapers. Some fell though...lol It was dark the entire dream. Daytime had ended long ago. Sometime during all of this, I saw Joyce who offered me meat, a big red snake who snapped at me, and I ended up in a car with people who drove the car straight into a swamp. That was creepy.
Where to start? Why not from the beginning..
This past week has been stressful as all get out. We are accepting Christmas Applications at The Salvation Army and this of course attracts all types of "adults". We've done about 140 applications so far and we're going to keep doing them until we run out (at the 300 mark). I'm sick and tired of rude, pushy, impatient children...oh I mean "adults" who can't see that we're simply trying to help out. We don't have to. We don't owe you anything. In fact, without us, a good portion of this county would be starving, barefoot, and quite simply: shit out of luck. At this point, I'm ready to shelve it all. Yes yes, there are the ones who appreciate it. And it's nice to hear it because there are times when it's like: Why do we bother? The point of the organization is not to hand you everything you're ever going to need on a silver platter . . . but to meet you halfway. You're not the only person on this planet who needs help and if we give your lazy ass everything . . . what about the other person out there with five kids who, at least has a part time job and just needs a little help . . . help which wouldn't be available if we hand everything to the pissy whiny-assed little jerkoffs who think it's their right to receive this help.
And I am sick to death of people who don't bother to read anymore. We make all these bright signs with bold capital letters and nobody bothers to look at them. If it can't be found on google or plugged into your ears, you might as well be blind, deaf, and dumb. The sad thing is, as a member of many ezboards in the past, even google prooved to be too much to handle! You want everything handed to you...and when it is, you're not happy with it! You want to argue, to worm your way around rules because you're too good for them.
I've never in my life felt like murdering people as much as I do now. Happy holidays everyone...for whatever it's worth...
Last Sunday, me and Aria and her grandparents went to Dennys for lunch. We were waited on by Carol Ann - a sweet lady, if very tall, and...trans. She called me 'dear'. :D Wanted to lay my head against her bosom and have her rock me and sing ...umm anyway... of course, Aria's overly conservative grandparents ...*sigh* I was thinking to myself, please please please don't say anything. Well, after Carol Ann left us, he bowed his head to pray: Please God don't let us be a part of this world anymore than we have to. Well, after everything, he gave her 26 cents as her tip. Your prayer was a waste. With that action, you became a part of the world when you lost all your decency. Is it just me...or shouldn't people be allowed to use whatever fucking restroom they feel most comfortable with? During lunch, Aria's grandma says to me: Eugene (the city) is trying to get an ordinance passed that would ban discrimination on gender identity! So if your male employee decides to dress up as a woman (she makes it sound so damn "out of the blue"), there's not anything you can do about it. And they're even going so far as to allow them to use the women's restroom!"
Oh dear. What an outrage. Yes, because we should all be allowed to discriminate against a group of people because they're different than us. *rolls eyes* Say it with me now...transwomen ARE REAL WOMEN. Transmen ARE REAL MEN. And I for one, though I'm not trans, I am damn proud of them. And I don't think I have to explain why, especially in this world.
Also, a few nights ago, as I was walking out of the cyber cafe, I heard some guy scream really loudly...it sounded...girly, lol. I looked across the street and the kid that screamed...was looking at this lady who...I don't know how to say this. I think "mid-operation" is the way to put it. The kid was just being an ass and the lady just walked on. I've seen her around before and all I gotta say is, that kid screamed because she was hotter than he'll ever be. :D
Last night, I took my daughter to bed, bade her good night, and then climbed into my own bed and snuggled under the covers at about 9:07 p.m. I fell asleep rather quickly. I don't remember drifting to sleep. I simply remember being awake and then ...not. I wasn't asleep for very long before I heard the noise ...but it felt like I'd been in a very deep sleep. I heard rushing water...almost like a big waterfall hitting the pool below. It was LOUD. And it was right in my freaking ear. I felt like getting out of my warm bed to go see what the hell that sound was. Only I couldn't move. I felt smothered, like a great weight was on me. I was willing myself to do no more than simply sit up, and all I could manage was a vain twitching of my fingers. I felt like I was in quicksand or something and I was sinking. It wasn't until I wrestled myself awake that the sound stopped. I could move, though I admit I was shaking. I sat up, took a few deep breaths, thought: wow that was weird. And then fell asleep again. Only to hear that sound again. Like the friggin Niagara Falls right in my bedroom. On top of the sound of rushing water, I heard someone yelling...someone who was very very angry. Once again, I became conscious...though I wasn't fully awake. I felt like I'd been tied up and sat on by someone very large. I couldn't move. This time instead of trying to move, I just tried to wake up but even that prooved to be difficult. Was I just imagining things? Was it just a weird dream? Why was I awake...I pretty much knew what was going on...but I couldn't fight it and open my eyes and get out of this weird thing? Finally I just opened my eyes and it seemed with that simple little action, it all stopped. All was quiet. Remember, it was 9:07 when I climbed into bed. I hazarded a glance at the clock and it read: 10:04. Not a full hour, yet not only did I feel like I'd been asleep for a very long time, I felt like I had just fought for my life.
I laid awake for a while, trying to calm my breathing. I started to wonder what it was that had changed... I hadn't attempted any "calls to the other side"...indeed, the other side comes to ME. I don't have to put in a call anywhere. I hadn't practiced magick of any kind in a very long time. At first that put me at ease since it wasn't anything I had opened up by accident. Then I remembered that wasn't a very good thing at all. I hadn't bothered with my shields. I hadn't bothered with any psychic cleansings. Nothing. Then I remembered the voodoo doll I bought a few days ago. I slept soundly Wednesday...somewhat...after the initial adrenaline caused by a bit too much Nyquil (the stuff makes me crazy) so when the idea that the voodoo doll caused this entered my head, I almost immediately refused that as a plausible scenario, instead thinking that my reptilian brain had simply reverted to a primitive state due to fear. Then I felt stupid that my mind even had to think that because...goodness ...haven't I learned anything in my seven years of being in the 'occult'? Not only did I feel like a complete amateur...I felt like a fool.
Well, the truth is, I didn't cleanse the doll when I brought into my home and stood it up against my vanity, against the mirror which reflects onto my bed. I hadn't intended to use it for any magickal reason...it was a souvenir. I'm weird like that. Do I cleanse mirrors that I intend to use for magick? Certainly. I wouldn't even think about not doing that. But do I pass through smoke the compact mirror that I throw into my purse and use only to update my lip gloss? Well, no. Why bother? And yet, I realize now that a voodoo doll found in a dark occult shop (who knows from whence it came?) is vastly different from a compact mirror found at Wal-Mart, no matter whether I use it for anything or not.
Perhaps I'm picking up on what the doll was used for...if anything. Some leftover emotional remnants of a ritual during which the doll was the star of the show. I am an empath after all. Not a very responsible one, though, from the looks of things. *sigh* Or perhaps the doll has nothing at all whatsoever to do with anything. And I have in fact attracted a hag. Truthfully, it wouldn't be the first time. I had an "incident" a few years back when I lived with my aunt in New Jersey. Some of you will remember that. I decided to open a door that I've never been able to close, but thankfully I was able to put up a screen door so I rarely if ever get bothered and then when I do, (why are spirits attracted to you when you're showering? what the hell is up with that?), it's some lost soul. Or I pick up on highly emotionally charged events that have long since passed...but play in a loop...over and over again, hoping against hope that this time it'll end differently. But they're not the ones hoping....'cuz they're dead. It's your hope that surfaces.
At any rate, something wicked this way comes and I am not at all equipped to deal with it. It's been so long that I've had to deal with otherworldly bullshit that I've simply lost my touch. Oh, I've since then dealt with otherworldly stuff, but it hasn't been by beings intent on stealing my energy. It's been by my father (not my human father) trying to get messages across to my lizard brain. They've not all been sunshine and puppies and roses type dreams but at least, upon having them, I'd feel secure, because I know my father would never hurt me, and whatever messages he gets across (no matter how disturbing) are not intended to cause me any misery.
Anyway, the only way I got to sleep was to turn on my radio. I listened for a few minutes what sounded like an episode of Loveline, with women who sound like they're 16 calling in saying: Well, I have a problem with my boyfriend. He's 80 and still waiting for "the right woman". How can I convince him I'm the one? Also he pees the bed...And then two guys answer...two guys who both don't know anything about anything trying to sound like they do and the people who call...are just as stupid 'cuz they think they're being helped...but they're not. I turned the knob to the soft rock and 80s synth pop station. And eventually fell asleep to the smooth voice of the guy who sings for that commercial about "the fabric of our lives" with old people dancing in their underwear...
So, it's felt really good to get that all out of my system. I am on Smoke and Mirrors right now attempting to find spells or something that'll help and I have found a few useful ones. But I realize...I know I know I know, I have to stay up to date on meditating and shielding, otherwise any banishing will be pointless, because the thing will just come back.
They always come back...
And I haven't even gotten to describing my weird as hell dream. Basically, I experienced the flood (yeah, the one in the bible) except in modern times (skyscrapers and no arks to speak of) and it was slow-going. There was water coming down...you knew eventually it was going to fill the world but it was going to take a while. Some people tried to just go about their days like there wasn't endless rain and like we weren't all facing our eventual doom. Others ran about naked and had sex on top of skyscrapers. Some fell though...lol It was dark the entire dream. Daytime had ended long ago. Sometime during all of this, I saw Joyce who offered me meat, a big red snake who snapped at me, and I ended up in a car with people who drove the car straight into a swamp. That was creepy.