(no subject)
dreams are interesting things. they bring to light thoughts and feelings forgotten in the subconscious and amplify what you want the most. anything can transpire in dreams, often making for experiences worthy of telling to people in the real world.
a month ago, all i had to fear were the bad dreams. that wasn't necessarily a problem; if i lost a night of sleep, so what, i could put on some undereye concealer and drink some coffee in the morning and no one would know the differnence. i never remembered my nightmares (thank goodness) and so i had nothing to complain about. although, i did have problems when the caffeine wore off...
now i have more to fear when i close my eyes at night. the 'good dreams,' the ones i am supposed to look forward to have become my day-mares. i say day-mares because in nightmares you are scared in your dream, in a day-mare i am scared to be awake. i have dreamt about the same thing for the past week, and it has not gotten easier with time. my mind shoves in my face what my heart most desires, and dangles it close enough to me that i could brush it with my metaphorical fingertips. everything is so real; i wake up and suddenly an overwhelming feeling of lonelieness washes over me.
i wish i could sleep and never wake up.