(no subject)
Title: Path of Repentance
Author: Choco-chick
Rating: PG-13?
Pairings: I'm hoping for eventual SxC.
Genre: AU, (more specifically, Parallel Universe)
Warnings: mild swearing, rating might go up.
Summary: Cloud is pulled to another world where two of the Weapons were released, ShinRa still stands, and Sephiroth is still their General. Now hunted by both old friends and enemies, he tries to figure out what went wrong.
Prelude:
------------
He was floating. Weightless. That was the first feeling he became aware of. That and of arms loose at his sides and legs bent slightly at the knees. It was both soft and comforting, this feeling. Soothing his weary mind. In relief he also noticed he wasn’t in pain anymore. No muscles burning with exhaustion, no wounds burning where he’d been cut, no lungs burning in their need for oxygen.
Why was he suddenly reminded of fire? And a figure in the flames...
Wait.
What had he been doing before this?
He remembered a fight, though he didn’t know whom it was with. The fire-person maybe. He’d been angry, of that he was certain. But he’d also felt sad? Or was it pity? And also ... excitement? Had the anger really been as strong as he’d first assumed, or was it just the first emotion he remembered...
His train of thought was derailed when he realized he was falling, hair brushing softly against his forehead. But at the same time, it still felt like he was floating on something. Was it water? No, it was too thick for that. Could it be...?
What happened to the man he’d been fighting, anyway? How had he become conscious in this ephemeral state? Why had there been an explosion? Shouldn’t there be pain? Or was he … dead? With that last thought, he felt sick with the fear that he’d really died, that he’d lost, that he’d failed to protect them. Again.
His whole world suddenly exploded in blinding white pain, as if to prove that thought wrong. It hurt everywhere. If he so much as twitched a finger the pain would shoot up his arm, leaving a burning sensation long after the movement. Doing his best to push it to the back of his mind, he was pleasantly surprised when he forced it to a slightly manageable level. When had he learned this trick? The aching pain was too familiar, even the floating feeling was familiar. The only difference was the comfort he could still sense, even through the sudden pain. He forced his eyes open in a desperate attempt to distract himself, hoping for something (or was it someone?) whose presence would ease his pain.
Who he was hoping so desperately to see? … He couldn’t remember.
White. That was all he saw. Not a blinding white. Just… White. Shouldn’t it be green? No. This was different, he reminded himself. And that someone he’d been hoping to see was no longer alive. So why did he think he’d see ‘him’, now that he realized who he’d been hoping to see. He closed his eyes again, struggling against the sudden rush of emotions and memories. Memories that he’d tried so hard to bury. Of glass cages and Green. Always Green. Of needles and of pain. Of cold, prodding hands and of a cold, calculating voice. He’d blocked it all out so well last time. A little too well, really. Because he’d lost himself to the voices in the mako and … and he’d also forgotten ‘him’. His first true friend. Although he wasn’t sure if what he’d gone through to get that friend was worth it. They’d only been friends in passing before ‘then’. No… that was unfair. They’d gone through hell together, true, but Zack had always considered him a good friend.
His train of thoughts was derailed again when he suddenly felt a hand on his forehead, and the pain that before was only slightly manageable, faded into a dull ache in the back of his mind.
Suddenly remembering the boy who’d died in his arms, and who’d called out to his mother, as he became part of the Lifestream, Cloud questioned, “Mother?” Afraid to open his eyes and prove the lie.
“Again?” a hauntingly familiar voice answered. “I wonder, how many times have I been called ‘Mother’ today.” How he’d missed that playful, teasing voice! I’m sorry, he tried to say. But he was too chocked up. His throat refusing to work.
“What’s wrong with it? Being dearly loved and all.” A different, but just as painfully familiar, voice said. A voice that he never thought he’d hear again. Please, forgive me, he wanted to beg. Now afraid to open his eyes, when before he’d been so desperate to open them.
“I don’t need such a big child like him.” She said petulantly.
“Too bad.” ‘His’ voice teased, “She said, there’s no place for you here.”
At that, his eyes shot open in surprise. No, don’t! I want to stay with you! The hand on his forehead was taken away, and he stared desperately up at her, pleading with her not to send him away. By sheer force of will he was able to remain, frantically fighting the pull that was trying to take him away from them. There’s no place for me back ‘there’ either, he tried to convey with his eyes what he couldn’t with his voice.
She looked back at him in surprise, clearly not expecting his sudden resistance. Beside her, he could make out the faded, washed-out image of a man; the large sword strapped to his back standing out, clear and sharp.
“Go home and rest, Cloud.” she soothed, “Your family is waiting for you, you know.” He didn’t want to be reminded of that, because as Tifa said, you couldn’t call them a real family. Although, sometimes… sometimes he wondered if the feelings he had when he thought of them, were what someone from a real family would have.
“Did you think we wouldn’t wait for you?” the other voice teased, bringing him out of the depressing turn his thoughts had taken. “You still owe me that sparring match!” Sympathy softened his voice as he continued, “Don’t tell me you forgot!”
Cloud cringed at that. He had forgotten. On the way to Nibelhiem, Zack had promised to spar with him. To help him get better so that, even though he could never become a Soldier, he could still protect people. So that he could one day return home and fulfill at least part of his promise to Tifa.
“Just worry about yourself now, Cloud.” He knew she was trying to put his mind at ease, to tell him it was over. But ... Was it really over? Despite Aerith’s assurance, he just couldn’t accept it. He still felt like he hadn’t settled his past. ‘His’ final promise echoing too strongly in his mind.
The force he felt on his mind, trying to draw him away from them abruptly cut out. Leaving him slightly disoriented as the world around them suddenly took on a light green tint. A colour that, oddly enough, reminded him of what Holy had looked like as it swept over the Planet towards Meteor.
“What!?” Aerith said. Her voice, full of confusion and shock, brought his attention shooting back to her. Watching in concern as she stared intently at some point in the distance.
“What’s going on?” Asked Zack, sounding as confused as he now felt. When Cloud glanced in his direction, he was shocked to see Zack’s form fading away.
“No! He belongs here!” she exclaimed, speaking to a voice only she could hear, and moving to cradle his head in her arms as she said it.
“Aerith! What’s happening!?” he heard Zack insist, unable to see him at all now, besides a faint outline of his sword.
“It’s Holy!” The desperation in her voice briefly distracting him from what she’d said. Holy? Looks like he’d been right about the colour. “They’re using it,” Using it..!? he thought in alarm, having to struggle to focus on her voice. “Using it to pull him to them.” Holy could be used that way? He’d thought its only purpose was as a prayer to protect the planet. Bugenhagen once said that it would glow this pale green when activated, if a prayer reached the planet. But if not Aerith, who could have activated it?
“Them?” Zack questioned, voice now as faint as his image, despite the panic in his voice. “Pulling him to where?”
He could feel it now. A gentle tug on his mind. Asking, or was it begging?, for his help. He was struck by how sad the voice felt, as if it had almost no hope, as if it could barely remember what real hope felt like. Something in the voice conveying to him that, after this, the owner of the voice would have nothing. Except despair. There was something else about the voice, something that made him struggle to listen, even as his mind started to feel like it was becoming lost in a fog.
“No! Cloud, hold on! You don’t belong there! They’re lying! Don’t listen to them!”
Them? He didn’t understand. All he could hear was one voice. One painfully familiar voice. Not promising him anything, just begging him to help it. To save it. I already failed the two people I care about the most. He told the voice. Why do you think I’m fit to help you? It didn’t answer, but he felt the pull suddenly gain strength. A feeling of desperate hope and need driving the sudden increase.
“Cloud!” Aerith called. Her voice almost lost in the haze his mind was in. It was desperate, and he could faintly feel her trying to maintain her grip on him. It was then, when he heard her cry out to him, that he realized why the other voice was so familiar. The last of his resistance to the other voice faded away with this recognition, and he vowed to help the owner of that voice. Protect it if he could. Save it if he could. And, if he succeeded, maybe finally forgive himself.
“Cloud!”
Because the voice that he now felt himself spiraling towards, and the voice that was calling his name, rapidly getting fainter and fainter with each call...
Were the same.
--------- End
Stolen Materia: Part 1
-------------
Cloud was drifting. It wasn’t a peasant feeling, but neither was it unpleasant. It was as if his whole body was numb. He thankfully could feel no pain, but he couldn’t feel anything else either. He remembered Aerith, begging him to come and help, but he also remembered Aerith, begging him to stay. How could he ignore the voice brokenly crying out for his help? A voice that made his heart ache just thinking about it.
She’d said he was forgiven, but he didn’t know if he could forgive himself. He could’ve done something. Anything! If only he’d realized sooner… But… he’d said to Vincent that he would try. And that brief moment of peace and contentment he’d felt after watching Kadaj, Sephiroth’s remnant, be purified and return to the Lifestream…he wanted to feel that again…and this…this felt like a second chance. A chance to prove to himself that he could save her.
But wait…How could there be two? Was I… tricked?
He slowly started to regain feeling in his body. When he realized his eyes were closed, he slowly opened them, hoping to see the one who had called for his help. Surprisingly, he did see something. An indistinct face surrounded by a brown halo was looking down on him and, encompassing both him and the face, was a pale white light. Must be lying down, He absently thought as the facial features slowly came into focus. When he was able to distinguish the green eyes, he felt his heart soar in hope. The brown bangs framing a kind smile came into focus next. Her face was drawn, and even against the faint white background she looked pale. For a brief moment, he was almost consumed with a fear he couldn’t place. She was smiling at him though, and the relief and hope he saw in that smile gave new life to her weary eyes. And that forced him to shove his fear to the back of his mind. He was going to be strong for her, no matter what.
“I knew you’d come, Cloud.” She softly said.
Was it really her!? It was almost too good to be true. Struggling to return the smile, he opened his mouth to ask, “Aer--?”
But, like most things in his life, it turned out it was too good to be true.
“OH MY GAWD!!” A voice invaded the dreamlike vision. Bringing him painfully back to reality and the soft white light shattering to give way to a clear blue sky. There was a sharp tangy taste in his mouth, and the smell of brine filled his nose. Sand cushioned him, and the stinging feeling of salt in his injuries was bringing the world into a painful kind of focus. The stench of blood almost overwhelmed the smell of the sea and he was vaguely worried about how much blood he’d lost so far. His eyes ached; his whole body ached. Over the undulating sound of softly breaking waves he heard swift footsteps, lightly crunching the sand, and coming to a stop to his left. Blinking rapidly, he squinted up at a young boy (or was it a girl?) standing over him. His eyes teared up as the boy shifted slightly, letting the sun shine briefly on his eyes.
“Aw man, looks like a goner. What should I do?” The boy’s tone sounded speculative and he leaned over Cloud, starting to mumble to himself as he looked Cloud over, chin-length hair slightly obscuring his eyes, “.....-blood......hmmm....-aybe reward.....-rich.....” The boy’s voice trailed off as Cloud struggled to sit up and move away from the boy’s measuring look. He managed to prop himself on one arm and the boy rolled back on his heels, looking surprised at Cloud’s weak attempt. Cloud was only partially successful, half sitting up on his elbows, before the pain that quickly overwhelmed him left him frozen and gasping in surprise.
“Hey Mister! Are you alright? You look like Hell warmed over, you know? You shouldn’t move.” a tentative hand reached out to Cloud, real concern finally sneaking its way into the boy’s dark brown eyes. As the pain started to recede, he finally took a good look at the boy, only to fall back with a disturbing squelch in a mixture of surprise and exhaustion.
A girl!?
“Oh crap, oh Cr-Ap! wha’do I do!?” The girl was looking around frantically first to the woods, then to the ocean, whether looking for either help or inspiration he didn’t know. “That town’s close but wh---,”The voice suddenly started to fade out as Cloud’s vision began to spin. “Hey Mister! hold on!” Who was this girl? She looked strangely familiar, but...off...somehow. He sucked in a sharp breath as the pain behind his eyes suddenly intensified and he was forced to close them, tears leaking out again.
“They were ... glowing?” he heard the girl mutter, wishing she would either hurry and help him or leave him to recover on his own.
His shoulders were aching, the blood that had been slowly leaking out of them making him lightheaded. His whole body ached and the pain behind his eyes was giving him a headache. The combination was making his head spin. He tried to focus on the calming sound of the waves and push everything to the back of his mind like before, but he couldn’t. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. But he remembered...Aerith was out there… and in trouble! What was he doing just lying here! Stupid Body! Get up! Get up! GET UP!
As he started to black out, the last words he heard echoed in his mind and, vaguely, he realized he should recognize it from somewhere.
“Don’t worry Mister, I’m takin' ya to a doctor! Don’t die on me, K?
Who are you?
“Gross, gonna get blood All Over my new clothes...”
--------------
Cloud winced and shut his eyes tighter, trying to block out the uncomfortable stinging light of the sun. For a confused moment he wondered if he’d collapsed in the Church again, the disorientation was the same. But that couldn’t be right, he was lying on something… far softer … so… did someone find him … take him in? His mind struggled to focus, but it was as if a thick fog was blanketing him and he couldn’t see two feet in front of his face. His dreamy haze was abruptly shattered though, when a wistful sounding voice spoke to him.
Been a while since I slept in a bed like this, the voice, sounding like a young boy’s, said.
You--!? He thought incredulously.
Better enjoy it while you can, It warned, and faded away, leaving him wide-awake, heart beating anxiously.
He may not know where he was or how he got here, but he did know that voice. But… he hadn’t heard it in two years. Not since… that time in the Lifestream. What did it mean? Hearing that voice again after so long. He wasn’t… losing himself, again…was he? No. He knew who he was. He told himself firmly. Even if his memories were full of gaping holes, and he only really remembered bits and pieces of his childhood, and almost nothing of his two years at Shin-Ra. He knew who…and what… he was. Thankfully those lost five years with ‘him’ were no more than flashing images and emotions, nothing solid or concrete. Could that be it, then? A part of himself he’d forgotten, trying to reach him? But what-
“-ery severe.” He was startled out of his confused musings by a muffled voice. He opened his eyes and turned his head away from the blasted sun, noting the thin white curtains a few feet to his left that they were shining through. Looking around, he was able to make out the blurred image of a door a few feet to his right, before he was forced to close his eyes from the force of the burning pain they were in. The small size of the room was the last thing that registered before he closed his eyes. It looked like he was in a hospital room, but it sure wasn’t like any hospital he could remember seeing. There was only a slight scent of antiseptic. Otherwise the feel of the place was more welcoming than any hospital he’d ever been in.
“-ko poisoning.” He could pinpoint the voice now. It was coming from the door directly to his right, and getting closer until he could finally make out all of what the voice was saying. “It will take weeks for him to fully recover, if he ever wakes.”
“Aw Man!” a second voice said petulantly, “Then what am I s’posed to do with these two weird swords. The shop in town won’t take’m.” Where had he heard that voice before?
“I’m sorry young lady, he may never wake up. And if he does, chances are he will have lost most of his memories.” That’s right, he remembered, it was the girl he’d woken up to on the beach. Apparently she decided to help him after all. And if he could remember that, then he was relieved to think the rest would come back to him, since the first voice seemed to be wrong on both counts. But he figured he could sort all that out later. What was most important now was finding out where he was.
“Hmph! But it’s already been a week!” He started and opened his eyes in surprise, A Week!?, “ … I know, I know, I’m going already. Sheesh. Don’t have to give me that look…” The young girl’s grumbling faded as she noisily stomped off.
The first voice sighed as the owner opened the door to his room. “Every day she’s---!” The man he now recognized as a doctor cut off in surprise. Staring at Cloud’s glowing blue ones in disbelief. “You’re awake!” The doctor quickly stepped back outside of the room, speaking in hushed tones to someone behind him near the door. He closed his eyes and frowned, something in the man’s voice…it hadn’t just been surprise at seeing him awake sooner then expected. It could just be his paranoia but… the man had looked disturbed by something. Or, it could just be waking up when the man thought he never would.
Cloud reopened his eyes as the white-coated doctor finally came back in, and bit back a grimace of distaste at the familiar design of the coat. “wh-….” He croaked, trying, and failing, to ask where he was. The doctor hesitantly sat in a chair to his right, silently offering a glass of water and a straw; closing his eyes against their constant stinging, he drank greedily. He tried not to think of the doctor’s strange behavior too much as he drank. The man had most likely also recognized the mako glow in his eyes, most people wouldn’t unless they knew what to look for… but this was a Shin-Ra doctor. When he finally finished the glass, he tried to speak again, but it came out just as pathetic as the last attempt.
“I was afraid of that.” The doctor sighed, getting up and walking around his bed to pull a heavy curtain across the window. “You are very lucky to be alive young man,” he said as he tugged at the stubborn cloth. “If Miss Fey hadn't brought you in when she did…” he paused, turning back to Cloud and shrugging uncomfortably, “Well, you get the idea.” And the curtain finally fell into place with a frustrated pull.
So the girl’s name is Fey…don’t know anyone by that name…why was she familiar?
Cloud’s eyes, no longer bothering him so much in the darkened room, followed the man wearily as he walked back and took his seat. “I’m afraid our funding doesn’t allow for any restore materia,” He said, a slight bitterness creeping into his voice, “So, we’ve done the best we can in wrapping your wounds. We will have to test the extent of your condition later.”
Cloud’s eyes narrowed at the doctor as he came to a realization. Since the doctor first walked in the door, he’d barely looked Cloud in the eyes once. They would meet his for a moment, before jerking away, dancing from one object in the room to another, eventually finding their way back to the glowing blue ones, before sliding away again. It couldn’t just be his SOLDIER eyes, or being awake before the doctor predicted, that was causing the man’s strange behavior.
The doctor must’ve seen something in the look Cloud was giving him because he continued in a bit of a rush, “It looked as though you were caught in an explosion, and used your arms to protect yourself. We were able to salvage most of your clothes, but your gloves are ruined…I won’t ask what you were doing, or why you were so badly wounded, but… I need to know…are you a…” He paused here, almost fearfully, finally meeting and holding Cloud’s gaze and asked, “Are you from SOLDIER?”
Cloud grimaced, surprised, Only a wanna-be Ex, and shook his head once. Wincing as the movement brought a fresh wash of pain down the sides of his neck. The doctor’s explosive sigh of relief startling him out of thinking about why it hurt so much to move.
Doctor looks searchingly at him. “I’m sorry I asked, but I had to know for sure first, with your quick recovery I thought…” He said in relief, offering Cloud a small, sympathetic smile. “Well now that I know it’s just the mako poisoning, we can finally begin healing you properly.” Cloud frowned in confusion; he didn’t feel like he had mako poisoning... He’d thought it just involved losing your mind to the mako-drenched knowledge. But… it might explain why his eyes were so sensitive, and why his whole body ached, not just his shoulders.
“You were exposed to the Lifestream for an extended period of time.” The doctor continued. “I’ve never heard of a case of Mako poisoning quite like yours before, it’s comparable to the symptoms experienced after becoming a SOLDIER. As a result…the glow in your eyes may never fade…but don’t worry. I will find you some eyewear until the worst of the effects wear off. Your eyes’ sensitivity to light being one.” Cloud guessed he should’ve told the man that he’d had eyes like this before he was brought here but… the sudden change in the man’s attitude when he found out Cloud wasn’t from SOLDIER… One moment he was frightened, but professional, then next, he was almost…cheerful. Something was very wrong about this whole situation…what was so significant about him not being from SOLDIER?
The doctor smiled and stood up, saying, “We’ll start your rehabilitation tomorrow. For now, get some rest and recover your energy.” And walked to the door.
As the door closed with a soft click, Cloud’s last thoughts were a frustrated, I’m not tired… before he swiftly fell asleep.
------------------
He was standing on a pillar. Looking down, two meters below his feet, he could see water as clear as glass, gently lapping at the base.
NoNoNoNO!
He recognized the blue grey colour of the pillar, a few more standing just on the edge of his vision. He recognized the water, descending to unfathomable depths. It was this dream again. A dream so vivid, that it sometimes would stay with him for hours after he woke, replaying again and again in his mind’s eye. So, he stared stubbornly at his feet, refusing to look up, even though…even though he knew it was useless. He’d tried this tactic before, but… the dream always waited for him, just beyond his vision. As soon as he looked up, it would be in time to see her face smiling at him, filled with hope and happiness, before… before it all come crashing down. And the worst part of it was, sometimes…sometimes he would be the one to bring his sword down on her.
Not this time though. He was going to wait it out, no matter how long it took. So he stared resolutely at his boots, forcing himself to concentrate on the way the water swirled around his pillar, creating mini whirlpools that would form and then break apart just as quickly. Fleeting bursts of violent motion on the otherwise calm crystal waters.
“Cloud,” A voice whispered and his head shot up in surprise, and he cursed himself for being a fool. “You came for me.” Tired but happy green eyes met his. She was kneeling in her usual position on the altar, but her hands were folded neatly in her lap instead of the usual prayer position. He noted with alarm that her clothes were not the usual pink dress and red jacket. Instead, she wore a faded grey, long-sleeved dress. There were many rips and tears in it, and he could see a mixture of blood and dirt in some parts. Her hair was in its usual braid, but it was coming undone, falling messily around her.
This was new. But…even if she was dressed differently, he knew it wouldn’t last, so he looked up expectantly, waiting for ‘that man’ to descend, not wanting to drag the moment out any longer than he had to, now that the nightmare was happening. She giggled, bringing his confused eyes back to her shining green ones.
“What are you looking at, silly? I’m down here.” He felt hope swell in his chest, thinking that maybe this dream would turn out ok after all. But, still afraid any movement on his part would shatter this momentary tranquility, Cloud forced himself not to jump to her, instead staying on his customary pillar. This could still turn out to be one of the dreams where he was forced to kill her instead of ‘that man’.
His inaction appeared to sadden her, for her smile lost some of its vibrancy as she watched him. The light shinning down and creating a halo around her suddenly started to get brighter, making Cloud squint his eyes in an attempt to remain focused on her. She was fading away into the bright light, her lips were moving but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. In a last, desperate motion, he tried to jump to her, but his legs refused to listen, and he was left, helpless, as she faded away.
He was left standing in a world of white, but only for a moment, before the ground beneath him suddenly gave out. He was falling, but only briefly, before he felt himself being swept up and away, at the mercy of an unseen current.
--------------- End
A/N: So there you go! What do you think? If there are any blatant or not so blatant errors, tell me and I’ll immediately fix them. Also, anyone who has any advice for me will be loved forever!
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This is my first post here (so I hope I'm doing this right). Been lurking on alot of the communities for months and finally decided to try my hand at writing and contribute something! I've posted this on FF.net but... I'm hoping for some more constructive crit. ^^
Anyway, I hope you like!
Author: Choco-chick
Rating: PG-13?
Pairings: I'm hoping for eventual SxC.
Genre: AU, (more specifically, Parallel Universe)
Warnings: mild swearing, rating might go up.
Summary: Cloud is pulled to another world where two of the Weapons were released, ShinRa still stands, and Sephiroth is still their General. Now hunted by both old friends and enemies, he tries to figure out what went wrong.
Prelude:
------------
He was floating. Weightless. That was the first feeling he became aware of. That and of arms loose at his sides and legs bent slightly at the knees. It was both soft and comforting, this feeling. Soothing his weary mind. In relief he also noticed he wasn’t in pain anymore. No muscles burning with exhaustion, no wounds burning where he’d been cut, no lungs burning in their need for oxygen.
Why was he suddenly reminded of fire? And a figure in the flames...
Wait.
What had he been doing before this?
He remembered a fight, though he didn’t know whom it was with. The fire-person maybe. He’d been angry, of that he was certain. But he’d also felt sad? Or was it pity? And also ... excitement? Had the anger really been as strong as he’d first assumed, or was it just the first emotion he remembered...
His train of thought was derailed when he realized he was falling, hair brushing softly against his forehead. But at the same time, it still felt like he was floating on something. Was it water? No, it was too thick for that. Could it be...?
What happened to the man he’d been fighting, anyway? How had he become conscious in this ephemeral state? Why had there been an explosion? Shouldn’t there be pain? Or was he … dead? With that last thought, he felt sick with the fear that he’d really died, that he’d lost, that he’d failed to protect them. Again.
His whole world suddenly exploded in blinding white pain, as if to prove that thought wrong. It hurt everywhere. If he so much as twitched a finger the pain would shoot up his arm, leaving a burning sensation long after the movement. Doing his best to push it to the back of his mind, he was pleasantly surprised when he forced it to a slightly manageable level. When had he learned this trick? The aching pain was too familiar, even the floating feeling was familiar. The only difference was the comfort he could still sense, even through the sudden pain. He forced his eyes open in a desperate attempt to distract himself, hoping for something (or was it someone?) whose presence would ease his pain.
Who he was hoping so desperately to see? … He couldn’t remember.
White. That was all he saw. Not a blinding white. Just… White. Shouldn’t it be green? No. This was different, he reminded himself. And that someone he’d been hoping to see was no longer alive. So why did he think he’d see ‘him’, now that he realized who he’d been hoping to see. He closed his eyes again, struggling against the sudden rush of emotions and memories. Memories that he’d tried so hard to bury. Of glass cages and Green. Always Green. Of needles and of pain. Of cold, prodding hands and of a cold, calculating voice. He’d blocked it all out so well last time. A little too well, really. Because he’d lost himself to the voices in the mako and … and he’d also forgotten ‘him’. His first true friend. Although he wasn’t sure if what he’d gone through to get that friend was worth it. They’d only been friends in passing before ‘then’. No… that was unfair. They’d gone through hell together, true, but Zack had always considered him a good friend.
His train of thoughts was derailed again when he suddenly felt a hand on his forehead, and the pain that before was only slightly manageable, faded into a dull ache in the back of his mind.
Suddenly remembering the boy who’d died in his arms, and who’d called out to his mother, as he became part of the Lifestream, Cloud questioned, “Mother?” Afraid to open his eyes and prove the lie.
“Again?” a hauntingly familiar voice answered. “I wonder, how many times have I been called ‘Mother’ today.” How he’d missed that playful, teasing voice! I’m sorry, he tried to say. But he was too chocked up. His throat refusing to work.
“What’s wrong with it? Being dearly loved and all.” A different, but just as painfully familiar, voice said. A voice that he never thought he’d hear again. Please, forgive me, he wanted to beg. Now afraid to open his eyes, when before he’d been so desperate to open them.
“I don’t need such a big child like him.” She said petulantly.
“Too bad.” ‘His’ voice teased, “She said, there’s no place for you here.”
At that, his eyes shot open in surprise. No, don’t! I want to stay with you! The hand on his forehead was taken away, and he stared desperately up at her, pleading with her not to send him away. By sheer force of will he was able to remain, frantically fighting the pull that was trying to take him away from them. There’s no place for me back ‘there’ either, he tried to convey with his eyes what he couldn’t with his voice.
She looked back at him in surprise, clearly not expecting his sudden resistance. Beside her, he could make out the faded, washed-out image of a man; the large sword strapped to his back standing out, clear and sharp.
“Go home and rest, Cloud.” she soothed, “Your family is waiting for you, you know.” He didn’t want to be reminded of that, because as Tifa said, you couldn’t call them a real family. Although, sometimes… sometimes he wondered if the feelings he had when he thought of them, were what someone from a real family would have.
“Did you think we wouldn’t wait for you?” the other voice teased, bringing him out of the depressing turn his thoughts had taken. “You still owe me that sparring match!” Sympathy softened his voice as he continued, “Don’t tell me you forgot!”
Cloud cringed at that. He had forgotten. On the way to Nibelhiem, Zack had promised to spar with him. To help him get better so that, even though he could never become a Soldier, he could still protect people. So that he could one day return home and fulfill at least part of his promise to Tifa.
“Just worry about yourself now, Cloud.” He knew she was trying to put his mind at ease, to tell him it was over. But ... Was it really over? Despite Aerith’s assurance, he just couldn’t accept it. He still felt like he hadn’t settled his past. ‘His’ final promise echoing too strongly in his mind.
The force he felt on his mind, trying to draw him away from them abruptly cut out. Leaving him slightly disoriented as the world around them suddenly took on a light green tint. A colour that, oddly enough, reminded him of what Holy had looked like as it swept over the Planet towards Meteor.
“What!?” Aerith said. Her voice, full of confusion and shock, brought his attention shooting back to her. Watching in concern as she stared intently at some point in the distance.
“What’s going on?” Asked Zack, sounding as confused as he now felt. When Cloud glanced in his direction, he was shocked to see Zack’s form fading away.
“No! He belongs here!” she exclaimed, speaking to a voice only she could hear, and moving to cradle his head in her arms as she said it.
“Aerith! What’s happening!?” he heard Zack insist, unable to see him at all now, besides a faint outline of his sword.
“It’s Holy!” The desperation in her voice briefly distracting him from what she’d said. Holy? Looks like he’d been right about the colour. “They’re using it,” Using it..!? he thought in alarm, having to struggle to focus on her voice. “Using it to pull him to them.” Holy could be used that way? He’d thought its only purpose was as a prayer to protect the planet. Bugenhagen once said that it would glow this pale green when activated, if a prayer reached the planet. But if not Aerith, who could have activated it?
“Them?” Zack questioned, voice now as faint as his image, despite the panic in his voice. “Pulling him to where?”
He could feel it now. A gentle tug on his mind. Asking, or was it begging?, for his help. He was struck by how sad the voice felt, as if it had almost no hope, as if it could barely remember what real hope felt like. Something in the voice conveying to him that, after this, the owner of the voice would have nothing. Except despair. There was something else about the voice, something that made him struggle to listen, even as his mind started to feel like it was becoming lost in a fog.
“No! Cloud, hold on! You don’t belong there! They’re lying! Don’t listen to them!”
Them? He didn’t understand. All he could hear was one voice. One painfully familiar voice. Not promising him anything, just begging him to help it. To save it. I already failed the two people I care about the most. He told the voice. Why do you think I’m fit to help you? It didn’t answer, but he felt the pull suddenly gain strength. A feeling of desperate hope and need driving the sudden increase.
“Cloud!” Aerith called. Her voice almost lost in the haze his mind was in. It was desperate, and he could faintly feel her trying to maintain her grip on him. It was then, when he heard her cry out to him, that he realized why the other voice was so familiar. The last of his resistance to the other voice faded away with this recognition, and he vowed to help the owner of that voice. Protect it if he could. Save it if he could. And, if he succeeded, maybe finally forgive himself.
“Cloud!”
Because the voice that he now felt himself spiraling towards, and the voice that was calling his name, rapidly getting fainter and fainter with each call...
Were the same.
--------- End
Stolen Materia: Part 1
-------------
Cloud was drifting. It wasn’t a peasant feeling, but neither was it unpleasant. It was as if his whole body was numb. He thankfully could feel no pain, but he couldn’t feel anything else either. He remembered Aerith, begging him to come and help, but he also remembered Aerith, begging him to stay. How could he ignore the voice brokenly crying out for his help? A voice that made his heart ache just thinking about it.
She’d said he was forgiven, but he didn’t know if he could forgive himself. He could’ve done something. Anything! If only he’d realized sooner… But… he’d said to Vincent that he would try. And that brief moment of peace and contentment he’d felt after watching Kadaj, Sephiroth’s remnant, be purified and return to the Lifestream…he wanted to feel that again…and this…this felt like a second chance. A chance to prove to himself that he could save her.
But wait…How could there be two? Was I… tricked?
He slowly started to regain feeling in his body. When he realized his eyes were closed, he slowly opened them, hoping to see the one who had called for his help. Surprisingly, he did see something. An indistinct face surrounded by a brown halo was looking down on him and, encompassing both him and the face, was a pale white light. Must be lying down, He absently thought as the facial features slowly came into focus. When he was able to distinguish the green eyes, he felt his heart soar in hope. The brown bangs framing a kind smile came into focus next. Her face was drawn, and even against the faint white background she looked pale. For a brief moment, he was almost consumed with a fear he couldn’t place. She was smiling at him though, and the relief and hope he saw in that smile gave new life to her weary eyes. And that forced him to shove his fear to the back of his mind. He was going to be strong for her, no matter what.
“I knew you’d come, Cloud.” She softly said.
Was it really her!? It was almost too good to be true. Struggling to return the smile, he opened his mouth to ask, “Aer--?”
But, like most things in his life, it turned out it was too good to be true.
“OH MY GAWD!!” A voice invaded the dreamlike vision. Bringing him painfully back to reality and the soft white light shattering to give way to a clear blue sky. There was a sharp tangy taste in his mouth, and the smell of brine filled his nose. Sand cushioned him, and the stinging feeling of salt in his injuries was bringing the world into a painful kind of focus. The stench of blood almost overwhelmed the smell of the sea and he was vaguely worried about how much blood he’d lost so far. His eyes ached; his whole body ached. Over the undulating sound of softly breaking waves he heard swift footsteps, lightly crunching the sand, and coming to a stop to his left. Blinking rapidly, he squinted up at a young boy (or was it a girl?) standing over him. His eyes teared up as the boy shifted slightly, letting the sun shine briefly on his eyes.
“Aw man, looks like a goner. What should I do?” The boy’s tone sounded speculative and he leaned over Cloud, starting to mumble to himself as he looked Cloud over, chin-length hair slightly obscuring his eyes, “.....-blood......hmmm....-aybe reward.....-rich.....” The boy’s voice trailed off as Cloud struggled to sit up and move away from the boy’s measuring look. He managed to prop himself on one arm and the boy rolled back on his heels, looking surprised at Cloud’s weak attempt. Cloud was only partially successful, half sitting up on his elbows, before the pain that quickly overwhelmed him left him frozen and gasping in surprise.
“Hey Mister! Are you alright? You look like Hell warmed over, you know? You shouldn’t move.” a tentative hand reached out to Cloud, real concern finally sneaking its way into the boy’s dark brown eyes. As the pain started to recede, he finally took a good look at the boy, only to fall back with a disturbing squelch in a mixture of surprise and exhaustion.
A girl!?
“Oh crap, oh Cr-Ap! wha’do I do!?” The girl was looking around frantically first to the woods, then to the ocean, whether looking for either help or inspiration he didn’t know. “That town’s close but wh---,”The voice suddenly started to fade out as Cloud’s vision began to spin. “Hey Mister! hold on!” Who was this girl? She looked strangely familiar, but...off...somehow. He sucked in a sharp breath as the pain behind his eyes suddenly intensified and he was forced to close them, tears leaking out again.
“They were ... glowing?” he heard the girl mutter, wishing she would either hurry and help him or leave him to recover on his own.
His shoulders were aching, the blood that had been slowly leaking out of them making him lightheaded. His whole body ached and the pain behind his eyes was giving him a headache. The combination was making his head spin. He tried to focus on the calming sound of the waves and push everything to the back of his mind like before, but he couldn’t. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. But he remembered...Aerith was out there… and in trouble! What was he doing just lying here! Stupid Body! Get up! Get up! GET UP!
As he started to black out, the last words he heard echoed in his mind and, vaguely, he realized he should recognize it from somewhere.
“Don’t worry Mister, I’m takin' ya to a doctor! Don’t die on me, K?
Who are you?
“Gross, gonna get blood All Over my new clothes...”
--------------
Cloud winced and shut his eyes tighter, trying to block out the uncomfortable stinging light of the sun. For a confused moment he wondered if he’d collapsed in the Church again, the disorientation was the same. But that couldn’t be right, he was lying on something… far softer … so… did someone find him … take him in? His mind struggled to focus, but it was as if a thick fog was blanketing him and he couldn’t see two feet in front of his face. His dreamy haze was abruptly shattered though, when a wistful sounding voice spoke to him.
Been a while since I slept in a bed like this, the voice, sounding like a young boy’s, said.
You--!? He thought incredulously.
Better enjoy it while you can, It warned, and faded away, leaving him wide-awake, heart beating anxiously.
He may not know where he was or how he got here, but he did know that voice. But… he hadn’t heard it in two years. Not since… that time in the Lifestream. What did it mean? Hearing that voice again after so long. He wasn’t… losing himself, again…was he? No. He knew who he was. He told himself firmly. Even if his memories were full of gaping holes, and he only really remembered bits and pieces of his childhood, and almost nothing of his two years at Shin-Ra. He knew who…and what… he was. Thankfully those lost five years with ‘him’ were no more than flashing images and emotions, nothing solid or concrete. Could that be it, then? A part of himself he’d forgotten, trying to reach him? But what-
“-ery severe.” He was startled out of his confused musings by a muffled voice. He opened his eyes and turned his head away from the blasted sun, noting the thin white curtains a few feet to his left that they were shining through. Looking around, he was able to make out the blurred image of a door a few feet to his right, before he was forced to close his eyes from the force of the burning pain they were in. The small size of the room was the last thing that registered before he closed his eyes. It looked like he was in a hospital room, but it sure wasn’t like any hospital he could remember seeing. There was only a slight scent of antiseptic. Otherwise the feel of the place was more welcoming than any hospital he’d ever been in.
“-ko poisoning.” He could pinpoint the voice now. It was coming from the door directly to his right, and getting closer until he could finally make out all of what the voice was saying. “It will take weeks for him to fully recover, if he ever wakes.”
“Aw Man!” a second voice said petulantly, “Then what am I s’posed to do with these two weird swords. The shop in town won’t take’m.” Where had he heard that voice before?
“I’m sorry young lady, he may never wake up. And if he does, chances are he will have lost most of his memories.” That’s right, he remembered, it was the girl he’d woken up to on the beach. Apparently she decided to help him after all. And if he could remember that, then he was relieved to think the rest would come back to him, since the first voice seemed to be wrong on both counts. But he figured he could sort all that out later. What was most important now was finding out where he was.
“Hmph! But it’s already been a week!” He started and opened his eyes in surprise, A Week!?, “ … I know, I know, I’m going already. Sheesh. Don’t have to give me that look…” The young girl’s grumbling faded as she noisily stomped off.
The first voice sighed as the owner opened the door to his room. “Every day she’s---!” The man he now recognized as a doctor cut off in surprise. Staring at Cloud’s glowing blue ones in disbelief. “You’re awake!” The doctor quickly stepped back outside of the room, speaking in hushed tones to someone behind him near the door. He closed his eyes and frowned, something in the man’s voice…it hadn’t just been surprise at seeing him awake sooner then expected. It could just be his paranoia but… the man had looked disturbed by something. Or, it could just be waking up when the man thought he never would.
Cloud reopened his eyes as the white-coated doctor finally came back in, and bit back a grimace of distaste at the familiar design of the coat. “wh-….” He croaked, trying, and failing, to ask where he was. The doctor hesitantly sat in a chair to his right, silently offering a glass of water and a straw; closing his eyes against their constant stinging, he drank greedily. He tried not to think of the doctor’s strange behavior too much as he drank. The man had most likely also recognized the mako glow in his eyes, most people wouldn’t unless they knew what to look for… but this was a Shin-Ra doctor. When he finally finished the glass, he tried to speak again, but it came out just as pathetic as the last attempt.
“I was afraid of that.” The doctor sighed, getting up and walking around his bed to pull a heavy curtain across the window. “You are very lucky to be alive young man,” he said as he tugged at the stubborn cloth. “If Miss Fey hadn't brought you in when she did…” he paused, turning back to Cloud and shrugging uncomfortably, “Well, you get the idea.” And the curtain finally fell into place with a frustrated pull.
So the girl’s name is Fey…don’t know anyone by that name…why was she familiar?
Cloud’s eyes, no longer bothering him so much in the darkened room, followed the man wearily as he walked back and took his seat. “I’m afraid our funding doesn’t allow for any restore materia,” He said, a slight bitterness creeping into his voice, “So, we’ve done the best we can in wrapping your wounds. We will have to test the extent of your condition later.”
Cloud’s eyes narrowed at the doctor as he came to a realization. Since the doctor first walked in the door, he’d barely looked Cloud in the eyes once. They would meet his for a moment, before jerking away, dancing from one object in the room to another, eventually finding their way back to the glowing blue ones, before sliding away again. It couldn’t just be his SOLDIER eyes, or being awake before the doctor predicted, that was causing the man’s strange behavior.
The doctor must’ve seen something in the look Cloud was giving him because he continued in a bit of a rush, “It looked as though you were caught in an explosion, and used your arms to protect yourself. We were able to salvage most of your clothes, but your gloves are ruined…I won’t ask what you were doing, or why you were so badly wounded, but… I need to know…are you a…” He paused here, almost fearfully, finally meeting and holding Cloud’s gaze and asked, “Are you from SOLDIER?”
Cloud grimaced, surprised, Only a wanna-be Ex, and shook his head once. Wincing as the movement brought a fresh wash of pain down the sides of his neck. The doctor’s explosive sigh of relief startling him out of thinking about why it hurt so much to move.
Doctor looks searchingly at him. “I’m sorry I asked, but I had to know for sure first, with your quick recovery I thought…” He said in relief, offering Cloud a small, sympathetic smile. “Well now that I know it’s just the mako poisoning, we can finally begin healing you properly.” Cloud frowned in confusion; he didn’t feel like he had mako poisoning... He’d thought it just involved losing your mind to the mako-drenched knowledge. But… it might explain why his eyes were so sensitive, and why his whole body ached, not just his shoulders.
“You were exposed to the Lifestream for an extended period of time.” The doctor continued. “I’ve never heard of a case of Mako poisoning quite like yours before, it’s comparable to the symptoms experienced after becoming a SOLDIER. As a result…the glow in your eyes may never fade…but don’t worry. I will find you some eyewear until the worst of the effects wear off. Your eyes’ sensitivity to light being one.” Cloud guessed he should’ve told the man that he’d had eyes like this before he was brought here but… the sudden change in the man’s attitude when he found out Cloud wasn’t from SOLDIER… One moment he was frightened, but professional, then next, he was almost…cheerful. Something was very wrong about this whole situation…what was so significant about him not being from SOLDIER?
The doctor smiled and stood up, saying, “We’ll start your rehabilitation tomorrow. For now, get some rest and recover your energy.” And walked to the door.
As the door closed with a soft click, Cloud’s last thoughts were a frustrated, I’m not tired… before he swiftly fell asleep.
------------------
He was standing on a pillar. Looking down, two meters below his feet, he could see water as clear as glass, gently lapping at the base.
NoNoNoNO!
He recognized the blue grey colour of the pillar, a few more standing just on the edge of his vision. He recognized the water, descending to unfathomable depths. It was this dream again. A dream so vivid, that it sometimes would stay with him for hours after he woke, replaying again and again in his mind’s eye. So, he stared stubbornly at his feet, refusing to look up, even though…even though he knew it was useless. He’d tried this tactic before, but… the dream always waited for him, just beyond his vision. As soon as he looked up, it would be in time to see her face smiling at him, filled with hope and happiness, before… before it all come crashing down. And the worst part of it was, sometimes…sometimes he would be the one to bring his sword down on her.
Not this time though. He was going to wait it out, no matter how long it took. So he stared resolutely at his boots, forcing himself to concentrate on the way the water swirled around his pillar, creating mini whirlpools that would form and then break apart just as quickly. Fleeting bursts of violent motion on the otherwise calm crystal waters.
“Cloud,” A voice whispered and his head shot up in surprise, and he cursed himself for being a fool. “You came for me.” Tired but happy green eyes met his. She was kneeling in her usual position on the altar, but her hands were folded neatly in her lap instead of the usual prayer position. He noted with alarm that her clothes were not the usual pink dress and red jacket. Instead, she wore a faded grey, long-sleeved dress. There were many rips and tears in it, and he could see a mixture of blood and dirt in some parts. Her hair was in its usual braid, but it was coming undone, falling messily around her.
This was new. But…even if she was dressed differently, he knew it wouldn’t last, so he looked up expectantly, waiting for ‘that man’ to descend, not wanting to drag the moment out any longer than he had to, now that the nightmare was happening. She giggled, bringing his confused eyes back to her shining green ones.
“What are you looking at, silly? I’m down here.” He felt hope swell in his chest, thinking that maybe this dream would turn out ok after all. But, still afraid any movement on his part would shatter this momentary tranquility, Cloud forced himself not to jump to her, instead staying on his customary pillar. This could still turn out to be one of the dreams where he was forced to kill her instead of ‘that man’.
His inaction appeared to sadden her, for her smile lost some of its vibrancy as she watched him. The light shinning down and creating a halo around her suddenly started to get brighter, making Cloud squint his eyes in an attempt to remain focused on her. She was fading away into the bright light, her lips were moving but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. In a last, desperate motion, he tried to jump to her, but his legs refused to listen, and he was left, helpless, as she faded away.
He was left standing in a world of white, but only for a moment, before the ground beneath him suddenly gave out. He was falling, but only briefly, before he felt himself being swept up and away, at the mercy of an unseen current.
--------------- End
A/N: So there you go! What do you think? If there are any blatant or not so blatant errors, tell me and I’ll immediately fix them. Also, anyone who has any advice for me will be loved forever!
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This is my first post here (so I hope I'm doing this right). Been lurking on alot of the communities for months and finally decided to try my hand at writing and contribute something! I've posted this on FF.net but... I'm hoping for some more constructive crit. ^^
Anyway, I hope you like!