Part II of Few
Physical appearance has always been important to me, even if it may not show at all. I have aways been interested in fashion and the idea of being fashionable, i just havent put it too much into practice for myself. Looking back on old (years ago) livejournal entries i have noticed that for a while i have struggled with self-confidence, especially in the area of my own weight. Now, this isn't the time to say "but you're not fat" and all that jazz, i have been unhappy in my body for quite a while and i wish to do something about it. I swear that they secretly inject the food in the cafeteria here with some kind of super high-calorie serum because even if i eat the same amount and type of food here that i do at home i gain weight. I think that i look ridiculous with a beard, and i think that i would look better with shorter hair. The only problem in this area is that i am too scared to do anything drastic. I guess in the end the only thing that matters is what i think. I just dont know what i think. If i shave my face and cut my hair i will regret it, but if i continue wearing my head like this i will want more and more to do something about it. This is quite the internal battle, which surprises me because it is about something as ridiculous as outward appearances. I have been struggling with depression, and i have heard that sometimes drastic change helps people get rid of their depression. Maybe it is time to get rid of this "beard" that is full of memories. I have always wanted a huge beard though. I guess i just always feel like i dont have very long to live, but i have been realizing that i can get multiple master's degrees and Ph.D.'s if i wanted to. I have plenty of time, why have a beard now when i can barely grow one?
I love livejournal.
Having a turtle is a wonderful and terrible thing. That is not my turtle in my profile picture, its just some other turtle from the same family as mine. This is my turtle, his name is Coltrane, which is short for Robert Mitchum. (this was taken 5 months ago, hes a bit bigger and less colorful now, i just cant find newer pictures.: nevermind, i cant add a picture.
Conclusively for now, as part of the development of my new self, i think that something along the lines of a drastic, or at least somewhat drastic, change of my physical appearance might make the transition smoother. All its going to take is a moment to regret it, but learning not to regret things and turn everything positive is something i have to do.
Goodnight
I love livejournal.
Having a turtle is a wonderful and terrible thing. That is not my turtle in my profile picture, its just some other turtle from the same family as mine. This is my turtle, his name is Coltrane, which is short for Robert Mitchum. (this was taken 5 months ago, hes a bit bigger and less colorful now, i just cant find newer pictures.: nevermind, i cant add a picture.
Conclusively for now, as part of the development of my new self, i think that something along the lines of a drastic, or at least somewhat drastic, change of my physical appearance might make the transition smoother. All its going to take is a moment to regret it, but learning not to regret things and turn everything positive is something i have to do.
Goodnight