J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Detectives Rosenbaum and Welling were courteous and understanding, even admired Jensen for having helped the kid who’d entered his house in order to steal. There was little hope of catching the attackers… rapists, to be more accurate. The rape kit had confirmed it, but the bastards had been smart, using condoms, removing every scrap of the boy’s clothes and leaving nothing in the way of fibres or hairs, or any other kind of incriminating DNA. No one could quite understand how he’d survived, given the extent of his injuries and the severe blood loss. The repeated stab wounds had caused terrible damage to his gut, but all blows had appeared localised in just one area rather than scattered around.
Jensen had been introduced to Steve Carlson and Christian Kane, the men who’d found the boy dumped in the nearby park during their early morning run.
“He was just left there in the kiddies play area, half buried in the sand pit,” Steve explained, voice breaking with grief. “Like he was nothing, as though he didn’t matter…”
He was understandably upset. The two of them had been laughing at a joke as they ran past, when something odd caught Steve’s attention. A closer inspection had revealed the shocking truth; a young man, naked and brutally beaten had been buried virtually up to his waist in the sand.
“Can we see him?” Chris had asked. “Just for a few minutes,” he’d added when Jensen looked as though he was going to object.
After some consideration, Jensen honestly couldn’t see the harm in it. After all, these men had saved the kid’s life. “Sure. Follow me.”
True to their word they didn’t stay long, but promised to return, as much to visit Jensen as his patient. And when they did come back, there was a feeling of solidarity between the three men, as though some kind of support network was slowly being put in place, ready for when the kid woke up.
And he was waking up, Jensen was certain of it.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
After a week had passed, the ET tube came out, replaced by an oxygen mask. As though this was the trigger to a series of important events, the boy’s hand twitched in Jensen’s one afternoon when he was visiting on his break. A few hours later, his eyes were seen moving under the lids and he let out a soft, pitiful moan. That was all for a few more days, but come the weekend, it appeared his patient truly was waking up.
“Uuuuuggghhhh…”
Jensen sat forward on the edge of his seat, a small smile working its way on to his face.
“Hey, kid”, he whispered softly, “You with me?”
The bruising had diminished somewhat, and the lids fluttered weakly revealing dazed, red-rimmed eyes darting round the room in a panic. They finally settled on Jensen and widened with fear.
“No… I-I pr-promised… won’t c-come n-near you…” Tears dripped down his face and rolled over the oxygen mask. “Pl-please d-don’t call the c-cops…”
“Shhhhh, don’t upset yourself,” Jensen crooned softly, stroking the boy’s hair. “I’m not gonna call the cops. Can you tell me your name?”
The boy blinked up at him, and for a moment there Jensen wondered if he was going to answer.
“Jared,” Jared told him slowly, voice hoarse from misuse. “Jared Padalecki.”
“Jensen Ackles,” came the reply, “Your doctor and surgeon.”
Jared’s eyes widened again, but this time in wonder. “Y-you? You’re a d-doctor?”
“For my sins,” Jensen gave him a lopsided grin before growing serious. “How ya feeling? You in any pain?”
Jared appeared to consider that. “Just a little sore. What happened to me?”
“You don’t remember?”
Jared frowned. “N-not sure.” He breathed out long and deep, watching the mask over his mouth and nose fog up slightly. “When can I leave?”
“I think you’re jumping the gun a little there, sport,” Jensen chuckled softly then sobered when he saw genuine fear on Jared’s face. “Ya got two broken legs to deal with, as well as a number of cracked ribs, and you’re still recovering from pneumonia and the knife wounds. When we do release you, you’ll need to take it easy and rest up.”
“Oh.” Jared turned his head away, feeling even more confused than ever. Knife? “Thas gonna be a problem,” he slurred out, eyes blinking heavily. “Don‘av nowhere to go…”
“Jared,” Jensen began and then realised the kid had fallen asleep. He smiled. There was time for that later when Jared was a little more awake.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jared was sitting up in bed, poking at something in a bowl the next time Jensen found the time to pop his head round the door, some days later.
“Hey.” He came fully into the room when Jared didn’t answer him. “How ya feeling?”
Jared gave a tiny shrug but didn’t take his eyes off the bowl.
Now that he was sitting next to him, Jensen could see the mutilated remains of neon green jello, and grimaced.
“Yeah, I hate that stuff too,” Jensen smiled when Jared finally looked up at him. “I collapsed with a burst appendix a few years back. My esteemed colleagues fixed the menu so I was given that damn stuff every day.” He shook his head with laugh. “Bastards.”
Jared just stared at him, sadly. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
The doctor studied him for a long moment, chewing on his bottom lip before speaking quietly.
“Because I’m partly responsible for you being here.”
Jared blinked. “What?”
“Do you remember what happened now?” Jensen asked, gently.
“I remember trying to steal from you,” Jared’s voice sounded loaded down with unshed tears, and his bottom lip began to tremble. “And I’m so sorry. I was desperate and hungry but that’s no excuse…
“Yes, it is,” Jensen interrupted, staring the kid down. “It’s called survival, and you were too sick to do anything else. I knew that, and I should’ve helped, taken you to the hospital and treated you.”
Jared sniffed, remembered the jacket, the money and the cookies, but he was damned if he could remember anything else after that. “You did what you could. No one could ask any more of you.”
They both fell silent, just staring at each other.
Now that the bruises were turning yellow and fading out, Jensen was beginning to see what Jared really looked like. The night they’d met in his kitchen, Jared’s face had been dirty and he hadn’t shaved for days, but even then Jensen still saw how young he was.
But now, clean shaven, he could see that the kid was beautiful, with sharp angular features, a strong jaw and high cheekbones, and his feline eyes were truly something special to look at, like seeing the Aurora Borealis in human form.
The staring seemed to be worrying the kid, but Jensen just couldn’t stop...
“Are you gonna tell me what happened?” Jared murmured, trying to distract himself from the sexy doctor. His stare was so... intense. “I still don’t remember much. Just waking up here.”
Jensen licked his lips and cleared his throat. “It looks like you were attacked. Some early morning joggers found you unconscious in the park. You’d been beaten, tortured, and stabbed several times in the gut.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on Jared’s bed.
“You’re lucky to be alive, kiddo.”
Jared stared down at his hands, fiddling nervously in his lap. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Oh God. He’d been hoping to avoid this, and that Jared would remember in his own time, but now there was no hiding it. Kid had a right to know, and especially now that he’d asked outright.
“Yeah,” Jensen offered his hand, surprised when Jared grabbed onto it, and ran his thumb over the boy’s knuckles. “There was evidence to suggest you’d been raped,” he told him gently.
Jared stiffened and dropped Jensen’s hand like a hot stone. “I…”
His breaths came in sharp shallow gasps, eyes wide and glazing over as panic set in.
Jared began shaking his head. “No… NO! I’d remember something like that! I wouldn’t just forget! That’s impossible!” Tears streamed down his face, eyes pleading with Jensen to take it back.
“I’m afraid it is, Jared,” the young doctor tried to explain. “When you were brought in, you’d been badly beaten around the body and face, plus you had a severe concussion, multiple stab wounds and you lost a lot of blood. It took you well over a week to wake up. There’s every chance you may never get those memories back, and I pray you don’t.”
Jared closed his eyes and stifled a sob, desperate to pull himself together. “Do they know who did it? Will they find him?” he choked out.
“The police are investigating, but these people covered their tracks pretty well,” and Jensen could have kicked himself for the slip up.
Jared eyes flew open. “You mean there was more than one? How could they know that?”
Shit. Jensen chose his words carefully... this time.
“The bruises, contusions and the internal damage suggested you were raped by more than one person. They all wore condoms as far as we could tell, so there’s little chance of HIV infection, though we have tested you for that, amongst other STDs. So far so good…” Jensen prattled on.
“How many?” Jared whispered.
Jensen paused. “C’mon, Jared. You don’t need to deal with this right now. Why don’t you get some sleep, huh? You look exhausted.”
And whilst that was true, Jared wasn’t ready to sleep until he’d heard the truth. “How many?” he demanded, voice a little harder than before.
Huffing through his nostrils to calm his nerves, Jensen nodded. “Forensics suggested maybe four, five at most, and given what I’ve seen of your injuries, I’d have to concur with that.”
When he looked closely he noticed that Jared’s hands were beginning to shake and his face was rapidly turning pale. Grabbing a kidney bowl from the nightstand, Jensen thrust it under the boy’s nose just in time.
Heaving his guts up, Jared grimaced and moaned in pain, his sore ribs and wounded stomach causing him no end of pain. Minutes later, when the sickness faded away, Jared was left shaking, weak and vulnerable.
“I-I don’t f-feel so good…” Jared stammered out, the room spinning round him.
“Jared, take it easy.”
Jensen was up and out of his seat, looming over the bed, his concerned face wavering in and out of focus, his voice sounding hollow and disconnected. Unable to stop it, Jared felt himself tilting sideways, falling, the world growing dark. The last thing he remembered were strong, warm arms holding him, and a voice frantically whispering in his ear, begging him to wake up.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jensen checked Jared’s cardiac monitor, took note of his sats, and replaced the clipboard at the end of the kid’s bed. Running a hand through his hair, the doctor sighed and perched on the edge of the mattress.
“You’re gonna be ok,” he whispered to the sleeping youngster. “It’ll be tough going, I ain’t saying otherwise, but you’ll make it, kid.”
Jared whimpered softly, eyelids fluttering sluggishly, and Jensen smiled a little.
“You waking up now?” he gently squeezed the boy’s hand, and rubbed a thumb over a bruised knuckle. A small amount of pride built up in his chest and before he could reason with himself, Jensen leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to the abrasions. “You fought back, didn’t you?” he muttered.
When Jensen glanced up again, it was to meet the somewhat confused gaze of his patient.
Jared was frowning at him, but there was no trace of fear or anger on his face. “Why did you do that?”
Jensen blinked at him, genuinely bewildered. “I... don’t know… maybe I respect a fighting spirit.” He let go of Jared’s hand as though it burned him, muttering apologies, but Jared reached out and reconnected.
“Don’t be sorry,” Jared murmured, twining his fingers with Jensen’s. “I’m not.”
And that’s when it hit Jensen, like a lead pipe to the gut.
This was too much. Jensen had no idea what he was doing, getting so close to a patient, his patient, who would be living with him during his recuperation. The promise of a warm body, comfort, and the pleasure he’d denied himself since Ryan’s death was too tempting. An easy fuck with an attractive young guy in exchange for a roof over his head… Jensen shuddered inwardly. Jared was injured and emotionally vulnerable. Right now, he couldn’t remember the attack or the rape, but when… if he ever did, the memories would crash into him like a train wreck and Jensen figured a relationship with his main care giver at this stage might just irreparably break him.
It would also be taking advantage in the worst possible way.
But there were other reasons. Becoming involved with Jared now would be a mistake, he told himself, it would make things awkward between them, and that wasn’t a risk Jensen could afford to take. He’d already lost Ryan to the streets, and he could so easily also lose Jared one way or another. Jensen didn’t think he could cope with anymore heartbreak.
Jared was barely an adult, still a child really, and besides which it was unethical to engage in sexual relations with a patient, let alone one who was still a teenager.
The reasons against just mounted up, leaving the reasons for in a small pile of rubble on the hospital floor. Jensen bit back a sigh of frustration and wrestled his face into something approaching a cool, calm and professional smile.
“You’re due some pain medication,” he informed his patient, all brisk and business-like. “And we need to talk living arrangements. I predict that by the end of next week you’ll be recovered enough to leave. But you have no current address and we can’t in all good conscience release you with nowhere to go. You do, of course, have the option to sign out against medical advice but I doubt you’ll even make it to the end of the street on crutches. Pain meds are expensive and sleeping rough won’t do your injuries any good.”
It had a profound effect on the bed ridden guy.
Jared nodded and turned his face away. He knew what was going on here. The sudden change in demeanour and the tone of Jensen’s voice told Jared everything he needed to know. The doctor might care for him, or maybe it was just guilt at work, but at the end of the day Jared was just another filthy street kid and a thief. No one in their right mind could possibly want anything from him, and Jensen had probably just come to that realization. Jared was scum, harmless scum admittedly, but still scum nonetheless.
And rich, handsome doctors didn’t form romantic attachments with scum.
“… I’ve made up the downstairs guest bedroom. It has its own bathroom with plenty of space and room to manoeuvre, something you’re gonna need whilst getting used to handling crutches. I’ll be sleeping on the couch in the lounge so if you need anything, just holler and I won’t be far away.”
Jared just about caught on and he did a double take, his mouth dropping open on a surprised gasp. “Huh? What?”
Jensen raised an eyebrow, managing to appear both slightly annoyed and amused at the same time. “It would really make my job easier if you just paid attention, Jared,” he drawled and slowly got to his feet. “I’m moving you into my home next week, and I’ll be taking an extended leave of absence in order to look after you…”
A soft knock at the door interrupted his explanation, and a guy with long, dirty blond hair, poked his head into the room. “Mind if we come in?” His eyes lit on Jared and he smiled brightly. “Hey! You’re awake!”
He pushed his way in, followed by another guy around the same height and an equally bright smile.
Jared frowned, still reeling from Jensen’s announcement, and more than a little spooked by the sudden appearance of complete strangers in his room. “I’m sorry… I don’t know who you are,” he said, voice small and scared.
“Jared, this is Christian Kane and his partner Steve Carlson,” Jensen made the introductions and risked a reassuring pat on Jared’s shoulder. “These are the guys who found you and called the ambulance. They saved your life.”
Jared blinked at the two men and a small, grateful smile emerged. “Thank you… God! That seems so woefully inadequate for what you did, but thank you so much!” He held out a shaky hand and the first guy, Christian, immediately engulfed it in his.
“No thanks are necessary, kid. You just make good and sure to heal properly,” he grinned at Jensen. “This poor guy was up half the night performing surgery on you, so don’t go ruin all his hard work.”
“I won’t.” Jared gulped and nodded quickly. Christian sounded jovial enough but there had been an underlying hard edge to his voice, as though he half expected Jared to bolt first chance he got.
Christian studied Jared for a moment. “No. I don’t think you will,” he said, and handed over a small business card. “Anything you need, just call us, ok? Magazines, books, DVDs, you name it.” That hard edge disappeared from his tone and was replaced with genuine kindness. Jared blinked back tears and whispered his thanks. He frowned at the business card. It had a motif of three stick guys playing guitars, and a fourth one on a drum set.
“You’re in a band? Cool!”
“Sure thing,” Steve spoke up for the first time. “Maybe when you’re feeling better, Jensen here’ll bring you along to one of our gigs.”
“I’d like that,” Jared replied, feeling a little more relaxed, though he still wasn’t sure he wanted to be left alone with these two men. Having Jensen there made him feel safe and when the doctor made noises about leaving them all to it, Jared actually whimpered in distress.
Jensen was about to head out to prepare Jared’s meds, but that soft whine made him glance at his patient. Scared eyes blinked up at him and the boy shook his head slightly in a silent plea.
Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me alone with them.Shit. What the hell was I thinking?
With a soft smile, Jensen winked discreetly at his patient, noting how his body sagged with relief. Instead, he perched on the edge of the bed once again, and pressed the call button.
The reappearance of that sweet smile, the soft eyes and carefully mouthed ‘thank you’ had Jensen wondering how on earth he was supposed to keep this guy at an emotional arms’ length. Maybe having him move in wasn’t such a good idea, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave the kid in hospital, or worse watch him sign out AMA.
Thankfully, Steve and Chris had been too busy enthusiastically chatting about their band to notice the quick exchange between doctor and patient, and hadn’t clocked the brief lapse in conversation or Jared’s moment of panic.
A petite nurse appeared in the doorway, smiling fondly at Jared. “Everything ok in here, sweetie?”
Jared returned the smile. He liked Sandy. She had an innate kindness about her that seemed to glow from every pore, and she always tucked him in at night with a few soft words of comfort. The woman was only a few years older than Jared, but her maternal warmth drew him into its folds, and wrapped around his broken heart like a soft blanket.
He hadn’t been mothered in years, had almost forgotten what it was like. Cheryl Padalecki wasn’t the type to cuddle her child over a scraped knee, or to stroke his hair when he cried after a nightmare. Comfort, when it came, was forced, as though she were reading the words from a script, but there was little emotion behind them. Whenever she held Jared her arms were cold and stiff, her disgust at physical contact blatant.
As much as the thought should have been shameful to an independent eighteen year old, Jared couldn’t deny that Sandy made him feel loved.
“Thank you Sandy,” Jensen replied. “If you wouldn’t mind getting Jared his meds for me?” He offered her a charming smile accompanied by a naughty wink, and the young nurse rolled her eyes in amusement.
“Sure, just give me five minutes,” Sandy shook her head in annoyance. “Old Mr Higgins has locked himself in the bathroom again, right in the middle of removing that cyst from under his arm too!”
“You called security?” Jensen asked, fighting a grin.
“Yep, but he’s refusing to open the door, claims that Dr Collins is a butcher and that he’s trying to kill him.”
Jensen outright snorted with laughter. “He may be right. I’ve seen Misha wielding a scalpel and believe me when I say it ain’t pretty.”
Loud voices from outside the room had Sandy throwing Jared an apologetic glance. “I’ll be right back with the meds… once I’ve prevented Dr Collins from doing his Jack Nicholson…”
She was interrupted by a loud “Heeeerrrreeee’s Johnny!” and a crash from nearby.
Sandy winced. “Too late!” She glanced down the corridor. “Uh… Mr Beaver’s gonna be pissed when he sees that on the budget!”
“Why? What’s happened?”
“He broke down the door with a fire axe.”
Jensen covered his eyes, muttering “Oh good God, Misha…”
“He’ll be lucky if he doesn’t get suspended for that,” Sandy commented.
“Naw,” Jensen replied with a head shake, “Guy works too damn hard. They’d miss him.”
Steve, Christian and Jared all shared amused grins. Sounded like a fun place to work.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
The following week, Chris and Steve stopped by every day and Jared felt much safer around them. They treated him like a kid brother, loaned him an iPod, and managed to stifle their surprise when he didn’t know how to use it.
They also brought his favourite candy - gummy worms. He’d almost cried. It had been a long time since he’d been able to afford such a luxury, and to the guys’ amazement, stuffed several into his mouth at once. Jared chewed away blissfully, eyes closed, and savoured the sweet, fruity worms, whilst Jensen playfully scolded the men who’d fed his patient junk food.
On reflection, Jared realized he should have been worried. Chris and Steve reminded him of when he’d first known Todd from the shelter, but neither of them wanted more than to just keep him company. Looking back on that terrible time when Todd had almost raped him in the kitchen, Jared could recognize the subtle warning signs that had been there all along. The slightly lecherous grin that Jared now understood wasn’t a show of friendship, the barely concealed lust in his eyes, and the touches to the arm or shoulder that lingered just a fraction too long.
Chris and Steve showed none of these behavioural traits. They didn’t try to touch him unless he instigated contact, they made no unreasonable demands, and there were no confusing innuendoes in their conversations.
Steve was sitting by Jared’s bedside one afternoon, guitar in hand and singing in a low voice, when Chris cleared his throat softly.
“I think he’s asleep,” he whispered, grinning from ear to ear. “You wiped him out!”
Steve chuckled. “Probably still needs all the sleep he can get,” he leaned his guitar against the nightstand and watched over him. “Can’t imagine anyone wanting to harm him, ya know? He’s a great kid.”
“Yeah,” Chris nodded, frowning. “I’ve been thinking about that. What about his family? Surely they’re looking for him, right?”
Steve shrugged, sadly. “I tried getting him to talk about them a couple days ago, but he kept sidestepping my questions. Chris,” he gazed at his partner, worriedly. “I don’t think he has anyone.”
“Sure he does,” replied Chris, and gently nudged Steve with his elbow. “He’s got us, for starters. And Jensen.”
“Ah yes,” Steve grinned widely and a little smugly. “Kid’s in good hands there. Not to mention I think he has a little crush on Dr Sexy.”
“You noticed that too huh?”
“What? The crush? Or that Jensen’s smokin’ hot?”
“Both!”
“Shame it won’t go anywhere.”
“Why not?” Chris glanced over at Steve, his interest piqued.
“Well, there’s a little matter of ethics. Doctor-patient stuff, etc.” Then Steve’s mouth turned down sadly. “And Jensen’s a widower. His husband was murdered two years ago, stabbed to death by a street kid. I heard some of the nurses talking and used a little charm to glean more info out of them.” He clicked his tongue. “Apparently, he’s never really gotten over it, so somehow I don’t think Jared’s gonna be in with much of a chance there.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Chris said slowly, mulling it over. “I’ve seen the way Jensen looks at the kid, like he wants to protect him one minute, then rip off his hospital gown the next…” he shrugged. “Jensen might still have some healing to do himself, but with Jared’s help? Who knows! He may well surprise us all.”
Steve smirked. “Never knew you were such a romantic.”
Chris leaned over, eyes sparkling with challenge. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me darlin’…”
Steve pushed him away with a laugh. “Later.” He indicated the sleeping boy. “He might wake up. Don’t wanna traumatize the kid.”
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jared kept up the pretence of sleep whilst wilfully eavesdropping. His heart swelled with love when he heard what his new friends really thought of him. He tried not to frown when they held a question mark over his family and background, but tears threatened when he heard about Jensen’s husband.
His friend and doctor had given him so much. Food, clothes, money, his very life… and now he was going to take Jared under his wing.
Jared snuffled into his pillow. All he’d done was take, take, take, and given nothing in return. That was going to change. Jared was determined to help Jensen move on, to show him that he could live again. It was the least he could do.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jensen signed on the dotted line, thanked the pharmacist and picked up Jared’s prescription meds. The crutches had to be specially made for Jared’s tall frame and they were to be delivered to Jensen’s home in a week or so.
Jensen was taking Jared home that afternoon, and he was honestly looking forward to it, though he couldn’t say why exactly. Maybe it was that bright, contagious smile, or those beguiling eyes, or the way the kid laughed. Conversations with Jared were never boring. The boy was smart, witty, and almost painfully polite. Jensen managed to keep their relationship firmly on a platonic level, though there were times when Jared would look at him with such longing, his heart would perform a double beat, just for that second.
Once he got the boy home, however, Jensen was certain it wouldn’t be so easy.
He shook off his misgivings as he stepped into Jared’s room, big smile at the ready.
“So! You ‘bout ready to break out of here?”
“Damn straight I am!” Jared whined, good naturedly. “I’m borrrrred!”
Jared was sitting in his wheelchair, dressed in a plain black tee-shirt, and soft jogging bottoms that were rolled up above his knees. The casts had been written on in the traditional manner of a few get well messages from various staff members, and a rude cartoon drawn by Misha. Jensen remembered how Jared’s eyes had widened and then roared with laughter when he saw what Collins had done to his cast.
Misha had rounded off the little art lesson by drawing a big L and an R on the casts, the wrong way round, and Jared had gone oddly silent. No one could figure out why he’d suddenly lapsed into depression, and Jared wasn’t talking, so Misha had swung by the office a little later, grabbed some Tippex, returned to Jared’s room and proceeded to paint over the letters. No more was said about it.
Jensen stood behind the wheelchair and began to push, slowly at first until they were outside the room, then sped up towards the reception desk.
“Ok, your official release papers have been signed by me,” he murmured, then swung the wheelchair to a sudden halt. “Just one thing left to do…”
“What’s that?” Jared asked, looking up at him with those soft eyes.
“Say goodbye to your nurse!” Jensen patted his shoulder, grinning from ear to ear when Sandy appeared from under the desk holding a cake box.
“This is for you, honey, as a thank you.” Sandy smiled softly at the confusion on Jared’s face.
“What for?”
“For being my best patient ever. And for surviving. ” she leaned over and kissed his hair, then stared him straight in the eye. “We were all really worried about you when you came in, Jared. So you guys take care of each other, ok? And I hope you’ll drop by when you come in for your out-patient appointments.”
She finally stopped talking when her eyes filled with tears.
Jensen began a mental count down from ten…
Jared was dumbstruck at first, but then he felt tears leaking from his own eyes.
“You know I will,” he said, quietly. “Goodbye, Sandy. I’m gonna miss you.”
…And made it as far as eight.
“Aw, honey…” That did it. Sandy rounded the desk and gently pulled Jared into one of her deep motherly hugs, the two of them sobbing together.
Jensen shook his head, smiling with fond amusement. They both acted as though they were never going to see each other again, and yet Jared’s first appointment was only a week away.
“C’mon, Kitten” Jensen rubbed Sandy’s arm, comfortingly. “Let me get this boy home and settled. You…” he hesitated for just a second “… you can always come visit.”
Jensen almost grimaced. He hadn’t invited anyone into his home since the day of Ryan’s funeral, but now? He may as well have just flung open the doors and hosted a house party. But Jared needed friends right now, and Jensen knew he’d better start getting used to having visitors again.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jensen helped Jared out of the car and gently steered him into the house. The two of them hadn’t spoken much since leaving the hospital, and the atmosphere between them felt stilted and uncomfortable.
Jared didn’t know how to alleviate it, but he tried and failed. Jensen had no interest in small talk.
So any attempt Jared made at conversation was politely but rather coldly shot down in flames. In fact, he was beginning to regret the decision to stay with Jensen. Guy seemed a little moody, but then, he was taking a complete stranger into his home for convalescence, a stranger who’d broken into said home and stolen from him.
Add to that, poor guy hadn’t gotten over the death of his husband.
So, nah. Can’t be much fun for him.
Back in the hospital, Jared could swear there was some kind of incredible bond growing between him and the doc, but now he was beginning to wonder if he’d imagined it.
His heart lurched with disappointment.
“Hey… hey Jared!”
Jared blinked up at Jensen. “Sorry dude. I was miles away.”
Jensen looked at him, strangely. “I asked you if you wanted coffee. I was about to make some.”
“Uh… no thanks,” said Jared, feeling a little sorry for himself right then. “I’m a little tired. Is it alright if I grab some sleep?”
Jensen frowned and nodded. That suited him just fine. He was having trouble adjusting to another person in the house. “Sure. I’ll show you where everything is later. Wake you around seven for dinner.”
“Thank you,” Jared whispered and ducked his head to hide the tears. Jensen sounded like he was glad to get rid of him.
Well, he’s definitely regretting having me here.
“Jared, are you ok?” For a moment there, Jensen sounded like he was genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, m’fine. Just tired.” Jared felt like an idiot. But maybe he was just feeling tired, and emotional. “It’s been a long day… ya know? Bustin’ out of hospital and all.”
“Ok, if you’re sure,” Jensen wheeled him into the downstairs guest bedroom, and locked the brakes. “You need a hand getting into bed?”
Jared watched him from the corner of his eye, sadly noticed how Jensen seemed anxious to get away, and shook his head. “No, I got it.”
“Ok, then,” Jensen backed out of the room. “Have a good sleep.”
Jared watched him go, the door closing behind him, then turned his attention to the bed. It was a little higher than he was used to and it was tempting to call out for help after all. But he didn’t want to antagonize his host any more than he already had, and he certainly didn’t want to sleep in the damn wheelchair. So when Jared tried lifting himself out, and instead wound up on the floor, groaning softly, he only had himself to blame. The entire left side of his body was going to be bruised up come morning. Everything began hurting all over again, and he knew there was no way of getting up and into bed. Instead, he reached up, grabbed the bedclothes and tugged hard, bringing the duvet and blanket down on top of him. Jared had slept in worse places and at least it was nice and warm, so he just snuggled down, closed his eyes and fell instantly asleep.
Once again on the floor.
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jensen pottered around the kitchen for a while, not doing anything particularly constructive. He felt restless, nervous, and more than a little guilty. He knew he’d made Jared feel uncomfortable already and it was only the poor kid’s first day here. Jensen hadn’t realized just what effect his attitude had been having on Jared until he’d seen the sad look on his face as he left him alone in the guest room.
“Food, kid needs food,” Jensen muttered to himself and began rifling through the freezer chest in the pantry, forgetting for a moment in his panic about the fresh chopped lamb in the fridge.
When he did remember, Jensen huffed out a laugh, and realized just how nervous he was. He grabbed a sack of potatoes and carrots, and dragged them into the kitchen. “Irish stew. Kid’s way too skinny… needs some meat on those bones…”
Two hours later, the stew was bubbling away to itself in the oven, complete with dumplings, and giving off a delicious meaty smell. Now it was time to retrieve his guest.
Jensen finished setting the table for dinner, and headed to the guest room. He knocked softly but on hearing no answer, Jensen quietly pushed open the door.
“Jared?” he called softly. “You ready for…Oh my God!”
Seeing the blanket wrapped lump on the floor of the bedroom sent a bolt of panic through the doctor.
“Jared! Are you ok? Can you hear me?” Jensen checked for a pulse, relieved when he felt a steady thump thump beneath his fingers. “Jared?”
He heard a low moan and a sleepy voice spoke up. “’nother couple hours…” Jared blinked heavily and tried to roll away.
“No you don’t,” Jensen gently grabbed his shoulder. “Tell me what happened. Are you hurt? Did you hit your head?”
“Nuhuh. M’ok, fell out of my chair.” Jared shook his head slowly, looking adorably bewildered. “Couldn’t get into bed, so I stayed down here.”
“What?” Jensen almost shrieked. “What the hell were you thinking? Why didn’t you call for help?”
His tone was borderline angry, but Jared heard the fear more than anything.
“I…I…” Jared hung his head and muttered an apology. “Sorry.”
“Why didn’t you call for me?” Jensen asked again, a little more gently this time.
“I-I didn’t want to put you to any more trouble than I already had,” Jared finally replied in small voice. He peeked up at the doctor from under his thick bangs. “I’m sorry.”
The kid was gonna be the death of him.
“Don’t be sorry, ok?” Jensen stared back at him, feeling guilty beyond belief. “And don’t be afraid to ask me for help.”
He moved the boy slowly into a sitting position, and pulled the blankets away from where they were tangled around his broken legs. “You about ready to move?” he said with a gentle smile, determined to put the kid at ease for once.
Jared nodded but didn’t dare speak. The sudden kindness in Jensen’s voice was just a little too much for him right then.
“Ok, here we go,” the doctor slid one arm round his back, the other under his knees, and hoisted Jared up against his chest.
Jared couldn’t help the tingling that threaded down his spine and all the way to his toes. Unfortunately, it didn’t skip past his cock, and he hoped to God Jensen didn’t notice the sudden bulge in his sweat pants. Licking his lips nervously when Jensen leaned over slightly and gently sat him back in his wheelchair, Jared closed his eyes for a moment. Hot, sweet breath on his neck nearly had him groaning out loud.
Oh Christ please help me!
“You ok?” Jensen’s worried voice next to his ear brought Jared out of a swift but sweet daydream.
“Uh… yeah,” Jared nodded, and cleared his throat.
“So, I hope you like Irish stew,” Jensen tucked a blanket round Jared’s waist and gently manoeuvred the chair out of the bedroom. “Made it myself, my grandma’s recipe.”
A loud gurgle came from the vicinity of the wheelchair.
“Sure. Love anything with lamb!” Jared smiled properly for the first time since his arrival.
Jensen couldn’t help it, that contagious smile just got to him again, and he found himself responding.
“That’s what I like to hear,” he laughed. “Nothing like it in the world.”
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jared’s gaze darted nervously around the dining room, taking in the dark oak table and chairs, matching sideboard and dresser. The contents of the table were even more unnerving. He knew which fork to use and when, but these were made of solid silver, and he was pretty certain the plates and soup bowls were expensive fine china.
He didn’t feel all that comfortable in this room. It was dark and huge and seemed to loom over him in judgement. Immediately feeling stupid, Jared shifted in his wheelchair. It was only a room after all.
Nothing here to be worried about.
“You didn’t need to go to all this trouble,” Jared said softly when Jensen entered the room carrying a tray.
“What trouble?” the guy deposited the tray on the sideboard and turned to face his guest.
“Uh… all this is pretty nice…” Jared’s small smile faltered. He was scared stiff of offending his host, but it needed to be said. He was a mere street kid, after all. Then a sudden inspiration struck. “My chair isn’t high enough for this table, and I’m worried I might break your china.” When Jensen continued staring at him with a strange look on his face, Jared dropped his head, mumbling “S’good China. Be a shame to damage it… and I’m not so steady right now… pretty clumsy at the best of times to tell the truth… and… and…”
Suddenly, Jensen was there kneeling beside him and gently forcing his chin up.
“Hey!” he whispered, softly. “If you want we can eat in the kitchen, but this is the only dinner service I have.”
Jared was mesmerised by Jensen’s beautiful green eyes and felt himself falling into them… until a strong, warm hand on his neck was holding him up, supporting and guiding.
“You’re getting tired again,” Jensen murmured, softly. “C’mon. Let’s eat in the kitchen. It’s a little more comfortable in there and I got a nice fire going in the stove.”
Jared couldn’t bring himself to speak right then and just nodded gratefully. Tired. Yeah, that was as good excuse as any. He allowed Jensen to wheel him from the table, then gently pushed the guy’s hands away.
“I can take it from here, Jensen,” Jared smiled up at him. “You grab the food before it gets cold.”
The doctor nodded, and watched his young patient leave the room.
“Huh,” Jensen muttered to himself, his nostrils flaring slightly. “Of course he knows where the kitchen is.”
He desperately ignored the bolt of bitter pain and anger. Jared was now here at his invitation. Dragging up the past, however recent, and slinging it in his face would serve no purpose but to further hurt the kid. Keeping Jared here just to make a point and lay more guilt on already over-burdened shoulders wouldn’t be fair.
Jensen knew himself to have many faults, but being unfair or dishonourable wasn’t among them.
Heaving a deep sigh, Jensen trudged after his patient, hoping like hell his appetite held out. He got the feeling he was in for a long, painful evening.
Two hours later, and Jensen couldn’t understand what he’d been worried about. Sure, dinner had started out a little awkward. Jared was quiet and shy at first, but with a bit of prompting, or maybe Jensen had given off some kind of signal that it was ok to relax, the kid opened up and engaged Jensen in some wonderful conversation that had him laughing so hard he almost fell off his chair.
“So, what’s your favourite movie?” Jared asked, spooning up the rest of his stew. His eyes shone with gratitude when Jensen immediately got up and ladled more into his bowl.
Jensen laughed. “I don’t know, there’s so many.”
“There must be at least a few you can narrow it down to,” Jared teased, smile dimpling away and revealing a perfect set of straight white teeth.
“Hmm.” Jensen appeared to think that through. “I guess if I had to… I’d pick Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Jared nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that is a good one. I used to watch that every Christmas with my fam…” his face suddenly fell, and his spoon stilled in the process of scooping up more stew. Jared blinked, trying to figure out a way to cover his reaction, then stammered onwards. “Uh… yeah, one of my favourites is the new Transformers movie. I know a back way into the movie theatre and at night, if you’re careful enough, no one’ll spot you.”
Jensen grinned at that. He couldn’t fault the kid, ironically because when he was growing up and money was on the scarce side, he and his brother used to sneak in during the trailers. It became a game for the young brothers, an adventure, but one they didn’t dare share with their parents for fear of being grounded for the rest of their lives.
Jensen had noticed Jared’s brief pause and near slip up, not to mention the terrible tragic look on his face, and mentally stored it away for a later date. Kid clearly didn’t want to talk about his family, and it didn’t seem right to question him so soon after moving in.
“What about books?” Jensen asked, genuinely curious at the way Jared once again tensed up and looked downright shifty to boot. “You have a favourite?”
“N-no.” Jared gave a one-shouldered shrug, refusing to meet Jensen’s eye. “I don’t get the chance to read much, and living… how I live… the books would just end up ruined. Ya know, ‘cos sometimes I have to sleep outside, and the weather can change in the blink of an eye…” his voice trailed off, and he peered up at Jensen through his silky bangs, eyes wide.
“What about you?”
Jensen sat back and thought it through. “I’d have to say, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom.”
“I’ve heard of it,” Jared commented. “Didn’t they make a film about that a few years back?”
“Yep, starring John Voight,” Jensen replied. He paused, and then took the plunge, carefully watching the kid’s reaction. “I can lend you the book if you want. It’s fascinating and I believe there’s something everyone can take away with them after reading it, whether it’s peace, hope, or just the satisfaction of reading the works of a wonderful imagination. In fact, I have quite an extensive book collection here, almost a library…”
Jared was already frantically shaking his head. “N-No! I mean… I… it’s… uh…”
“It’s ok, I can make plenty of recommendations and it’s not like you won’t have time to read during your recovery,” Jensen narrowed his eyes slightly. “We can read to each other, in fact…”
“NO!” Jared shoved his chair away from the table, almost hyperventilating in panic.
Jensen left his seat and knelt down by the boy for the third time that evening. “Shhh, it’s ok. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He rubbed Jared’s back in gentle, sweeping circles. “We can talk about something else… just, come back to the table. There’s plenty more stew.”
Jared stared at him through wary, untrusting eyes. This time, instead of going back to eating his dinner, he pulled away from Jensen.
“I’m tired. Is it ok if I get an early night?” he whispered, as though worried his doctor would try to restrain him.
There was definitely something wrong here, and Jensen was beginning to suspect Jared couldn’t read or write, but was too embarrassed - too scared - to talk about it. That seemed like a great shame to Jensen. The kid was articulate, smart, witty and a great conversationalist.
Dr Ackles smiled sadly and nodded. “Sure. I’ll help you get washed up…”
“No, it’s ok,” Jared was quick to turn him down. “I can handle it.”
They stared at each other in silence for a long moment until Jensen nodded again.
“Ok. Just holler when you’re ready to get into bed,” and noticed with some small satisfaction the blush that crept across Jared’s sweet face.
Sweet? There goes that word again, but yeah, I guess he is.
He stood back and watched Jared roll himself out of the room and down the hall, noting the sad, tired slump to the kid’s shoulders.
“We’re gonna talk about this,” Jensen muttered softly to himself. “Someday soon.”
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jared stared up at the ceiling, nibbling on his bottom lip. Jensen had helped him to bed a few hours ago and thankfully hadn’t mentioned Jared’s abrupt departure from the dinner table. In fact, the doctor had finished tucking him in, then lingered to brush a lock of hair from Jared’s face and wish him a good night’s sleep. Such a tender moment, the soft look in Jensen’s eyes set Jared’s pulse racing, his heart pounding with awareness and warmth.
But he wasn’t stupid. Illiterate and dyslexic, sure, but not entirely stupid. Jensen was on to him and Jared was scared that it would only be a matter of time before he figured out just how useless Jared actually was. In fact, he was kind of amazed how well he’d managed to hide it so far.
But when Jensen either figured it out, or somehow forced Jared to come clean, would he, like Jared’s family, throw him back out on the streets?
Jared shuddered and a tear rolled slowly down his face.
Please God… not before I get the chance to repay the man for his kindness?
He fell into a fitful sleep with that thought close to the surface, and woke up at the crack of dawn with a full bladder. Sighing with frustration, Jared reached out and pulled his wheelchair closer to the bed. This was going to be tricky. He didn’t want Jensen to walk in and find him on the floor again, this time drenched in his own urine, but he also didn’t like the idea of laying in bed with his legs crossed, waiting to be rescued like some damsel in distress.
Biting his lip and testing the mattress for bounce, Jared made his decision.
Ten minutes later, he was feeling pretty smug and proud of himself at his first show of independence. He was just wheeling out of the en suite when the knock came.
“Jared? You awake?” Jensen’s voice was muffled by the closed door. “I brought you some breakfast in bed.”
“Uh… it’s ok,” Jared called back, feeling guilty and unable to say why. “I can come to the kitchen…”
Jensen opened the door and smiled widely when he saw the kid seated in his wheelchair.
“Well, look at you!” he crossed the room and laid the tray of food on Jared’s bed. “Up and about already.”
Jared ducked his head, shyly. “Yeah… I needed the bathroom.” His stomach chose that moment to let out a loud, angry growl.
Jensen chuckled. “Someone’s hungry.”
“Uh, yeah,” Jared shrugged but eyed the tray longingly. “That bacon sure smells good…”
When the kid licked his lips in anticipation of a good meal, eyes wide and hopeful, Jensen couldn’t help but notice it was kinda cute.
“C’mon then, let’s eat in the kitchen,” Jensen winked, picked up the tray and headed out the room, with an eager and hungry Jared wheeling after him.
The smell of coffee and freshly baked cinnamon rolls were the first things Jared noticed when he entered the kitchen. Second was the lit stove, sending a pleasant glow and warmth throughout the cosy room. It reminded him of Christmas mornings when he was a little boy, before his family found out how defective he was. He allowed that small moment of sadness and anger, then shrugged it off. There seemed little point in living in the past, especially when the future held so many possibilities. At least, Jared hoped so.
“You baked these?” Jared pointed to the tray of steaming cinnamon rolls sitting on the kitchen work top.
“Yep,” Jensen grinned smugly. “My favourites! Ryan taught me…” his smile faded, voice trailing away.
Jared’s sorrowful eyes were suddenly fixed on him.
“It’s ok,” the boy called softly. “You don’t have to hide him from me. If you want to talk about him, I’ll listen.”
Jensen nearly snorted with anger. So much for talking, and not hiding anything. Jared wasn’t exactly forthcoming about his own life now, was he?
But maybe that was the key. Perhaps by allowing Jared to act as his confidante, Jensen would finally earn the kid’s trust and Jared could open up.
Yeah. It was worth a try, and maybe now, after two years of bottled up grief and heartache, Jensen was finally ready to let it all go.
He couldn’t believe he was doing this, but it just happened. Suddenly, Jensen was telling the homeless kid everything...
J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2J2
Jared stared at Jensen, eyes filled with tears.
“I-I’m so, sooo sorry,” he whispered, and sniffed sadly. “I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through, but Jensen... I’m not... like... that...” he trailed off when Jensen fixed him with a strange look.
Jared squirmed and fretted and nibbled on his bottom lip.
He’d tried to rob the guy, after all. It was only cookies, but still... Jesus...
Jensen suddenly leapt of out his chair and began pacing.
“Damn straight you can’t imagine…” the guy was clearly angry and in distress, and Jared didn’t know what to do... except just be there for him.
He wheeled over to the poor man and gazed up at him.
“So... tell me,” Jared swallowed, nervously, knowing he was potentially letting himself wade into some seriously deep shit, but Jensen was worth it. “I can listen too, ya know.”
Jensen deflated and sank back into his seat, shaking his head.
“I... I just miss him... so damn much...” he sobbed, finally letting go. Warm arms suddenly wrapped around him and held him tight. “I can’t... no more...”
“Yes, you can,” the kid called to him, softly, without judgment. “We may never get over losing the one’s we love,” Jared reached up and ran a gentle hand through Jensen’s hair. “We never really can, because if we did, then we’d never remember them and all they represent. But we can learn to live with it... we can learn to move on and be happy... just like they’d want us to be.”
And that was it. Right then.
Finally.
All pretence aside of getting the kid to open up to him, that was the kick up the ass Jensen had needed so desperately these last two years.
He launched himself at the kid, lips latching on, tongue forcing its way into Jared’s mouth, owning him, cherishing him.
Jared gasped into Jensen’s mouth, shocked, scared, and turned on as hell. Jensen’s lips were firm and warm on his, and fit perfectly. He became deliciously dizzy with the heady, lustful sensations flittering along his nerve endings, which only intensified when Jensen’s hands slid into his hair, holding him firmly in place, unable to pull back even if he wanted to…
He froze as images flooded his mind. Images of snide, grinning faces, taunting, cat calling. Hands pulled, tugged, tore at his clothes…
Jared lost it, began struggling and writhing, trying to pull his mouth away, but didn’t stop panicking even when an astonished Jensen let him ago.
“No!” He shook his head and pressed back into his seat, as though trying to disappear through it. “Please…don’t…!”
Jensen frowned, confused at first, but backed off when he realised Jared was freaking out on him. Kid was shaking, badly, face milk white, and eyes dark with fear…
Jensen was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure he knew what had happened.
Aw Jared…
“Hey, hey, hey!” he called softly. “Jared, it’s ok. I’m sorry, kid. Oh God, I should’ve known better than to…” Running a frustrated hand down his face, Jensen broke off and backed further away. Lowering his voice and holding his hands out in a non-threatening gesture, Jensen tried again to reach him. “Jared? You’re ok. You’re safe here. I’m not gonna hurt you, baby boy. Look, see? Look at me, sweetheart. I’ve let you go, ok? I’m not touching you, I’m right over here, and you can leave anytime you want…”
Jensen watched the kid anxiously. Jared was on the verge of hyperventilating, dark eyes wide and staring. The only thing he could do was either talk the kid back from whatever hellhole he’d been dragged into, or sedate him. Jensen wasn’t happy about the latter, but it was a viable option if Jared didn’t calm down soon.
“Jared,” he whispered, this time. “Come back to me, kiddo. You’re here in my home, not out there. Those guys can’t hurt you in this place.”
Jared blinked a few times, then his eyes snapped to Jensen’s, body still ramrod straight and shaking.
“That’s right,” Jensen crooned, softly, staring right back at him. “They can’t hurt you here, ‘cos I won’t let them. Ya hearing me? I won’t let them hurt you again.”
Jared’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he managed to get anything out.
“I-I’m s-sorry,” Jared whispered, then just as his face was in the process of flushing bright red, it turned quickly ashen. He flopped forward suddenly, and vomited over his blanket covered knees until he was dry-retching painfully.
Jensen sighed and shook his head, sadly.
“Don’t sweat it, kiddo,” he reached out and removed the blanket, folding it over so nothing could leak out. Instead of replacing it, he wheeled Jared into the bathroom for a clean-up. “Least you didn’t get any on your PJs, huh?” he grinned, trying to comfort his patient, but the smile nearly cracked when Jared just hung his head.
Jensen stood there, running a wash cloth under the cool tap, feeling awkward as fuck. How the hell was he supposed to deal with this? The kid was traumatized all over again because of Jensen’s stupidity, and if he never trusted his doctor and care giver ever again, then Jensen couldn’t exactly blame the poor guy. He’d taken advantage of Jared at his most vulnerable, and that made him a selfish, irresponsible asshole…
“I remember,” a small, tentative voice interrupted Jensen’s silent inner tirade. “I remember what happened, now.”
Jensen closed his eyes for a long, calculating moment, nodded, then turned to face his patient. He’d suspected as much.
“Jared… I’m so sorry,” said Jensen, moving cautiously to place the damp washcloth in Jared’s slack hand, where it rested on the wheelchair arm. He didn’t want to spook the kid again, but Jared just raised his head and turned those beautiful blue-green eyes on the doctor, eyes made all the more devastating by wet lashes framing the utter misery within their depths.
“I-I…” Jared began and nearly choked, but his hand accepted the washcloth and raised it to wipe at his mouth.
Jensen didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say to make this better.
“Let’s get you comfortable, huh? We don’t have to talk about this right now, not if you don’t want,” Jensen offered, almost praying the kid would just go along with it, no matter how selfish it seemed. “You wanna hit the hay for a while? It’s still early yet, and you look tired.”
He wasn’t qualified to counsel a rape victim whose terrifying memories of the ordeal were making a comeback. If he wasn’t careful, Jensen could really screw the kid up even more.
As though sensing his doctor’s unease, Jared stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time and nodded. “O-ok.”
Without another word, Jared wheeled himself to his room, closing the door quietly behind him.
And Jensen went to back to the kitchen, feeling like a complete bastard.
Part Three...