The Perils of Lightbulb Jokes (in Another Galaxy) [Stargate: Atlantis, Dex/McKay, teen]
Title: The Perils of Lightbulb Jokes (in Another Galaxy)
Author: apple_pi
Rating: Teen
Warnings: None
Word count: ~800
Summary: A joke is a joke, but food is serious.
A/N: The prompt was: Food - I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. Thanks to secrethappiness for a quick beta and excellent advice and suggestions. She is a prince among betas. Princess? Perhaps Queen of All She Surveys. Something along those lines.
~*~
"One physicist - two to do it, and another one to renormalize the wave function. And also that joke is so old I'm pretty sure Kirchhoff told it to Planck," McKay said, scowling at Zelenka. His gaze never wavered as he reached for one of Ronon's onion rings. "Seriously, you'd never heard that one before?"
Ronon slapped McKay's hand. It withdrew.
Sheppard said, "I'd never heard it before. I liked it."
Ronon ate an onion ring, and reached under McKay's flailing arm (McKay was saying, "Oh, please, it's not even funny in a physics lab, much less in the mess a hundred and fifty years later!") to steal four long, narrow ritsi beans. McKay didn't notice.
Teyla raised an eyebrow at Ronon, and smirked. Ronon smirked back, and ate the ritsi beans.
"You're just pissed because no one laughed at your programmers joke," Sheppard said to McKay. Zelenka nodded vigorously. It made his hair wave around his head, and Ronon ate another onion ring.
"Of course I am. That was a funny joke. 'None, it's not a bug, it's a feature.' Ha! Yours?" McKay pointed at Zelenka, and Ronon stole a slice of meat from him, "not funny." McKay stabbed at his plate; the tines of the fork skidded across the ceramic with a grating squeal, and McKay looked down. "Hey!" He turned his head to glare at Ronon (who'd stuffed the whole slice into his mouth). "Hey! Stop taking my food."
Ronon chewed with his mouth closed, grinning at McKay. He knew his cheeks were puffed out, full of food.
"Listen, you, you, you food-stealing caveman," McKay started to say. "It's totally unfair to take advantage of me being distracted by Zelenka's lame-ass jokes, not to mention presuming on my, my good nature to thieve from me, just because we're, well… "
Ronon swallowed and licked his lips. McKay's words trailed off, and that would never get old, probably. (It was hard to say; they'd only been fucking a month, so it wasn't like Ronon had much experience to base the observation on.) Ronon's hand slid onto McKay's thigh under the table; he was aware of Teyla's bright smile, Sheppard's barely hidden amusement, Zelenka's smug grin. But mostly Ronon was aware of McKay's slightly confused, slightly glazed expression, and the way he licked his lips unconsciously, mouth slightly open as he stared at Ronon's face.
"Yeah?" Ronon said.
McKay narrowed his eyes. "You can't have my food," he hissed.
Ronon shrugged. "Whatever, McKay." He squeezed his thigh.
"Ahem," Sheppard said, just like that, and looked around the table at the others.
Teyla said, "What is a light 'bulb'?"
Sheppard replied, "A, uh, a round…ish, um, light source back on Earth, hangs from the ceiling. Sometimes they burn out, go dark, and then you can unscrew them and screw a new one in."
Zelenka turned to Sheppard: "Oh! How many Genii does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Teyla said, "Ah, that is different than the light sources here."
Ronon slid his hand a little higher; McKay's eyes widened for just an instant.
Sheppard asked Zelenka, "How many?"
"Let's go to your quarters," Ronon said, low.
Zelenka said, "None of your fucking business and have a nice day," and burst into indecorous giggles. It made his hair wave around again.
McKay's fingers trailed over Ronon's hand. "Okay," he said.
They got up and said their goodbyes; no one paid much attention, although Teyla was still smirking. "Good night," she called after them.
Ronon waved to her with one hand and pinched McKay's ass with the other. McKay jumped and yelped, half-turning to aim a deadly look at him, despite the fact that the big room was mostly empty. "I'm not sharing my chocolate with you," McKay snapped.
"Not even if I offer to lick it off you?" Ronon said.
"Maybe then," McKay said.
"You know, we can hear you," Sheppard said from behind them, as Zelenka sang "La la la" and clamped his hands over his ears. Teyla was laughing behind her hand.
McKay waved one hand dismissively back at Sheppard and grabbed Ronon's arm. "Come on, move it along," he said, and Ronon let himself be steered, McKay's hand warm and a little sweaty on his arm. "I'm a very busy man," McKay said, but his cheeks were pink, eyes bright. "Places to go, people to see."
"Naked," Ronon added, smirking, loudly enough that the others would hear, and he let McKay pull him out of the mess hall.
~*~
Author: apple_pi
Rating: Teen
Warnings: None
Word count: ~800
Summary: A joke is a joke, but food is serious.
A/N: The prompt was: Food - I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. Thanks to secrethappiness for a quick beta and excellent advice and suggestions. She is a prince among betas. Princess? Perhaps Queen of All She Surveys. Something along those lines.
~*~
"One physicist - two to do it, and another one to renormalize the wave function. And also that joke is so old I'm pretty sure Kirchhoff told it to Planck," McKay said, scowling at Zelenka. His gaze never wavered as he reached for one of Ronon's onion rings. "Seriously, you'd never heard that one before?"
Ronon slapped McKay's hand. It withdrew.
Sheppard said, "I'd never heard it before. I liked it."
Ronon ate an onion ring, and reached under McKay's flailing arm (McKay was saying, "Oh, please, it's not even funny in a physics lab, much less in the mess a hundred and fifty years later!") to steal four long, narrow ritsi beans. McKay didn't notice.
Teyla raised an eyebrow at Ronon, and smirked. Ronon smirked back, and ate the ritsi beans.
"You're just pissed because no one laughed at your programmers joke," Sheppard said to McKay. Zelenka nodded vigorously. It made his hair wave around his head, and Ronon ate another onion ring.
"Of course I am. That was a funny joke. 'None, it's not a bug, it's a feature.' Ha! Yours?" McKay pointed at Zelenka, and Ronon stole a slice of meat from him, "not funny." McKay stabbed at his plate; the tines of the fork skidded across the ceramic with a grating squeal, and McKay looked down. "Hey!" He turned his head to glare at Ronon (who'd stuffed the whole slice into his mouth). "Hey! Stop taking my food."
Ronon chewed with his mouth closed, grinning at McKay. He knew his cheeks were puffed out, full of food.
"Listen, you, you, you food-stealing caveman," McKay started to say. "It's totally unfair to take advantage of me being distracted by Zelenka's lame-ass jokes, not to mention presuming on my, my good nature to thieve from me, just because we're, well… "
Ronon swallowed and licked his lips. McKay's words trailed off, and that would never get old, probably. (It was hard to say; they'd only been fucking a month, so it wasn't like Ronon had much experience to base the observation on.) Ronon's hand slid onto McKay's thigh under the table; he was aware of Teyla's bright smile, Sheppard's barely hidden amusement, Zelenka's smug grin. But mostly Ronon was aware of McKay's slightly confused, slightly glazed expression, and the way he licked his lips unconsciously, mouth slightly open as he stared at Ronon's face.
"Yeah?" Ronon said.
McKay narrowed his eyes. "You can't have my food," he hissed.
Ronon shrugged. "Whatever, McKay." He squeezed his thigh.
"Ahem," Sheppard said, just like that, and looked around the table at the others.
Teyla said, "What is a light 'bulb'?"
Sheppard replied, "A, uh, a round…ish, um, light source back on Earth, hangs from the ceiling. Sometimes they burn out, go dark, and then you can unscrew them and screw a new one in."
Zelenka turned to Sheppard: "Oh! How many Genii does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Teyla said, "Ah, that is different than the light sources here."
Ronon slid his hand a little higher; McKay's eyes widened for just an instant.
Sheppard asked Zelenka, "How many?"
"Let's go to your quarters," Ronon said, low.
Zelenka said, "None of your fucking business and have a nice day," and burst into indecorous giggles. It made his hair wave around again.
McKay's fingers trailed over Ronon's hand. "Okay," he said.
They got up and said their goodbyes; no one paid much attention, although Teyla was still smirking. "Good night," she called after them.
Ronon waved to her with one hand and pinched McKay's ass with the other. McKay jumped and yelped, half-turning to aim a deadly look at him, despite the fact that the big room was mostly empty. "I'm not sharing my chocolate with you," McKay snapped.
"Not even if I offer to lick it off you?" Ronon said.
"Maybe then," McKay said.
"You know, we can hear you," Sheppard said from behind them, as Zelenka sang "La la la" and clamped his hands over his ears. Teyla was laughing behind her hand.
McKay waved one hand dismissively back at Sheppard and grabbed Ronon's arm. "Come on, move it along," he said, and Ronon let himself be steered, McKay's hand warm and a little sweaty on his arm. "I'm a very busy man," McKay said, but his cheeks were pink, eyes bright. "Places to go, people to see."
"Naked," Ronon added, smirking, loudly enough that the others would hear, and he let McKay pull him out of the mess hall.
~*~