Usually I'm not like this
I was in a super good mood earlier. At work, one of the lawyers specifically requested me for a project she needed done! It was really cool. And my boss was impressed that I know so much about Word and was able to make a cheat-sheet on using the comments feature for the articling students to use.
It was a great day. Until about 8:00 p.m.
Then, I got a headache, brought on by a fit of uncontrollable crying. Typing while crying is not so easy. My mom called, which made me cry more because even tho she drives me crazy, shes my mom and I haven't seen her since November and I miss having her to talk to. She asked me about my dad, whom I haven't talked to since last week when he called to yell at me because I still have a few boxes of stuff at his house (and he was upset that my sister came to get her bed, which he had been using.)
I hadn't heard from Army Guy until yesterday. We were supposed to get together on Saturday, and when I talked to him last Wednesday it was still on, then... nothing. I text messaged him Saturday, then again Sunday, and he didn't reply. I called him last night, and we talked for a minute... He's going to his brothers in Brampton for the weekend, then with his other brother to the Pride parade on Sunday. He said he'll call me when he got home if it wasn't late... which means he won't call me. When we first got together, he'd call me on a weekday and invite me over for a few hours. We'd talk on msn all the time. Now, I'm lucky if we meet once a month and talk once a week. I like him. But I've had this happen before with Stupid Lawney and I hate the pattern thats starting. It makes me sad, because he makes me feel so beautiful...
Then theres the money issue. Or this month, the lack thereof. The old job promised to pay me for my two weeks notice period, which they asked me not to come in for. They lied. And, the pay cheque I got May 23rd from them when I left was only $800, when I was expecting more like $1300. So of that, $700 went to rent, $30 for my phone, then food and my weekly metropass... A friend was nice enough to lend me some money a couple weeks ago, but now... I have a total of $15 left. Even that is only because I took back some medication I hadn't opened yet. I need $30 for Monday to get my metropass for the week. And I'm nearly out of food; I can make it last until Saturday, then who knows. I don't get paid from the new firm until the 28th... which is still more than a week away. I hate money. Hate! But, I need it so much. I considered some very... rash things a couple weeks ago when faced with a month of none of it. I would have gone though with it too, but the person I was to meet cancelled at the last minute. Of course. I'd sell something, but I really don't have anything of value. Sigh.
My psorasis is making me super self-concious lately. Its on my face now. My face! And there are several patches on my breasts, which is just horrible. Thats what the medication was for. Sigh, again. Its hard to feel sexy naked when there are huge red flakey patches on you. Its brought on by stress - oh great. And, its incurable, just treatable.
On the subject of stupid medical conditions... I've been fainting alot. Caleigh checked my blood pressure over the weekend, and it was 100/60, which is low. I hope its not a sign of what it was last time... Last time this started happening was when I was back in Winnipeg and woke up in the hospital with the doctors wanting to open me up. Not cool. I'd been bleeding then tho, and I haven't been bleeding any more than usual lately, so hopefully that's ok.
I try to keep so much inside because I hate to burden my friends with my troubles... I'm sorry. I just needed to vent.