why god why !!!
so i guess its been way too long since i updated so here goes...
things have gotten way too fucked up lately for me to handle much more of, im crazy about a woman that gives me mixed messages, one minute shes all over me the next shes totally cold and spaced off from me. this woman is my ex girlfriend that i spent 8 glourious months with. at the moment were kinda seeing each other till she decides whether we could ever have a relationship again or if shes just with me for sex.but she has told me that might never ever happen at as of now she doesnt see herself ever wanting to be with me like that again but we'll see and if im honest i dont mind its just i know that it'll never amount to anything, shes gonna move back home after shes done with me and i'll be back at square one thinking now wtf do i do, but then i think im being stupid and paranoid,i just need to chill the fuck i think but i cant get her off my mind, its crazy.
i dont wanna get too attached to her but i dont wanna fuck things up cos im hoping that somehow this will work itself out. then i get these stupid thoughts that im fuckin kidding myself shes just using me for sex and for using me for abit of male company till she can get the fuck out of here, but when were together things just feel different, its like nothing matters at all and things are exactly how its meant to be, go off down the pub with mates or with her have a laugh and then have sex or whatever later. im driving myself fuckin mental with all of this but the things thats annoying the shit out me more is when i talk to friends about it and about how great it is havin her around again and that were working things out all i get is come on dude you two had the perfect relationship and she dumped your ass without a seconds thought, shes just stringing you along because you fuckin let her and she knows she can fuckin toy with you. i hate that shit more than anything.
i dont believe for one second that she would ever muck me about, she just doesnt seem that cruel at all. i know this might lead me nowhere and that she might end up saying fuck this its not for me, we had a good run tho see ya later. but at least i fuckin tried to be with her right? ive always said i would fight for the love i believed i was meant to have forever and i do truly believe i have found her, but if its not meant to be , its not meant to be. she does mean alot to me tho and i just have to get a grip, we're at a really good point together now and im loving every minute of it, i might not get to see her very often but when i do its like im just so grateful for that hour or two i do get, hopefully soon tho we'll have more time together and see where we really stand.
for now im just riding this rollercoaster and seeing where the station will end up, all i know is this is one hell of a ride life has taken me on, i just hope it has a happy ending.
things have gotten way too fucked up lately for me to handle much more of, im crazy about a woman that gives me mixed messages, one minute shes all over me the next shes totally cold and spaced off from me. this woman is my ex girlfriend that i spent 8 glourious months with. at the moment were kinda seeing each other till she decides whether we could ever have a relationship again or if shes just with me for sex.but she has told me that might never ever happen at as of now she doesnt see herself ever wanting to be with me like that again but we'll see and if im honest i dont mind its just i know that it'll never amount to anything, shes gonna move back home after shes done with me and i'll be back at square one thinking now wtf do i do, but then i think im being stupid and paranoid,i just need to chill the fuck i think but i cant get her off my mind, its crazy.
i dont wanna get too attached to her but i dont wanna fuck things up cos im hoping that somehow this will work itself out. then i get these stupid thoughts that im fuckin kidding myself shes just using me for sex and for using me for abit of male company till she can get the fuck out of here, but when were together things just feel different, its like nothing matters at all and things are exactly how its meant to be, go off down the pub with mates or with her have a laugh and then have sex or whatever later. im driving myself fuckin mental with all of this but the things thats annoying the shit out me more is when i talk to friends about it and about how great it is havin her around again and that were working things out all i get is come on dude you two had the perfect relationship and she dumped your ass without a seconds thought, shes just stringing you along because you fuckin let her and she knows she can fuckin toy with you. i hate that shit more than anything.
i dont believe for one second that she would ever muck me about, she just doesnt seem that cruel at all. i know this might lead me nowhere and that she might end up saying fuck this its not for me, we had a good run tho see ya later. but at least i fuckin tried to be with her right? ive always said i would fight for the love i believed i was meant to have forever and i do truly believe i have found her, but if its not meant to be , its not meant to be. she does mean alot to me tho and i just have to get a grip, we're at a really good point together now and im loving every minute of it, i might not get to see her very often but when i do its like im just so grateful for that hour or two i do get, hopefully soon tho we'll have more time together and see where we really stand.
for now im just riding this rollercoaster and seeing where the station will end up, all i know is this is one hell of a ride life has taken me on, i just hope it has a happy ending.