Now you're thinking with fanmixes!
Alright, not going to talk about the fact that I never post here anymore, let's jump straight to the music!
DO NOT TEST - A Fanmix for Chell
Track List
Do Me A Poker Face - Namie Amuro vs. Lady Gaga
The Bomb - Bitter:Sweet
Shut Up and Take Me Out - The Ting Tings vs. Franz Ferdinand
Forbidden Friendship - How To Train Your Dragon OST
Bulletproof (Foamo Remix) - La Roux
Good Girls Burn Miami - Sean Kingston vs. Cobra Starship
Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding
The Spine Song - Cake Bake Betty
Supermassive Black Hole vs. Do Something - Muse vs. Brittney Spears
The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds
Burning ABRACADABRA Fire - Brown Eyed Girls vs. Sean Kingston
Delete You - All Caps
Three Minutes Clapping - The World Ends With You OST
Agent Tex - Red vs. Blue Revelation OST
Moondance - Nightwish
Many Moons - Janelle Monáe
SPOILERS AHOY! LAST WARNING!
TO: Allison Wray, Esq.
RE: Internal Review Board Investigation
Ms. Wray,
I am writing to inform you that I have received your notification this morning as to the impending IRB investigation of last week’s incident with Subject #1498. While I will refrain from replying to your doubtlessly well-intentioned comments on my skills as a therapist or the “yellow” hue of my lab coat (which is standard issue white, I assure you), I will gladly supply you with the requested transcript of my first interview with Subject #1498. However, I am also sending you the security footage that was sent to my office shortly after #1498 was - the same footage that I viewed during the course of our interview. It is my hope that, upon viewing this footage, the Board will come to the same conclusions that I did…
SUBJECT #1498 - INTAKE INTERVIEW
Name: [REDACTED], Chell
Gender: Female
DOB: Unknown
Age: Unknown
Marital Status: Unknown
Presenting Problem: Selective muteness
Subject was found 4 miles outside the ruins of the Aperture Science facility, and subsequently detained. When she refused to answer questions about her presence there, she was detained, and her belongings confiscated. Said belongings consisted entirely of one (1) Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, and one (1) large, slightly-charred metal cube. Attempt was made to also confiscate one (1) pair of Long Fall Boots, but the subject, lacking any other form of shoe, refused to part with them. As per corporate policy regarding Aperture, she was quarantined and given a full medical examination to prevent potential apocalypse via biological weapon. Further questioning pertaining to her activities at the Aperture facility is to be temporarily halted, pending the filing of a full psychiatric evaluation by the company psychologist.
Subject appears to be in her mid- to late-20’s, and presents as a female of mixed ethnic background. She is in apparent good health. Her lack of speech seems to be due less to physical incapability, and more to bullheadedness. Please advise.
[INTERVIEWER] - Hello, Chell. May I call you Chell?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - Alright, well, let’s go with Chell for the moment, if you have no objections. Now, I’ve already reviewed your file that we picked up from Aperture, and we can watch the security videos together, if you like? Unless you feel like opening up about your experiences there?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - Hmm. Yes, let’s do that.
Do Me a Poker Face - Namie Amuro vs. Lady Gaga
Sparkling mysteriously…
You pretend to be lost…
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
[INTERVIEWER] - The testing…well, clearly it didn’t end up going so well…but how did you feel about it at first?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
The Bomb - Bitter:Sweet
Just like the television says, join the army, get ahead, oh please
No time for sleeping.
There's too much to do
Don't you forget that we do what they want us to
[INTERVIEWER] - You must have realized that things were going awry at some point, yes? That the AI running the facility was…less than stable?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Shut Up and Take Me Out - The Ting Tings vs Franz Ferdinand
I ain't freakin', I ain't fakin' this
Shut up and let me go, hey!
[The interviewer takes a portable tablet computer and fiddles with it, then stops for a moment, watching something on the small screen.]
[INTERVIEWER] - I see you made a little “friend” during the testing process. Now, I know that AI was trying to manipulate you into feeling something for it…and that’s only human!...but she was right about it not feeling anything. It was just a cube. You know that, right, Chell?
[The subject looks out the open window to her left, obviously ignoring the question.]
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Forbidden Friendship - How To Train Your Dragon OST
(Instrumental)
[INTERVIEWER] - So, you escaped from the AI, and yet when you had free license to escape…you instead travelled further into the facility. Why? Why did you feel you needed to continue?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Bulletproof (Foamo Remix) - La Roux
I won't let you turn around
And tell me now, I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead…
This time I’ll be bulletproof
[The Interviewer sits silently, looking intently at the digipad in her lap. Subject crosses her arms and tilts her head, slightly.]
[INTERVIEWER] - This is…this…erm…well, your…your confrontation with the rogue AI is certainly…impressive.
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Good Girls Burn Miami - Sean Kingston vs. Cobra Starship
A domesticated girl
That’s all you asked of me…
Somebody call 911
Shorty fireburnin’ on the dancefloor
[The door slides open, and an assistant enters, carrying an oblong white object. The assistant sets the object down on the coffee table between the Interviewer and the Subject, then exits.]
[INTERVIEWER] - So this is…wow. This is a really impressive bit of hardware. Now, we don’t really have a set-up in here to allow for…err…interdimensional portals…but maybe you could me how it works later? Outside?
[Subject shifts in her chair, but stays seated.]
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding
So we burst into colors, colors and carousels,
Fall head first like paper planes in playground games
[INTERVIEWER] - Ah, well, back to the matter at hand. So…after an extended period in an Aperture Science Relaxation Chamber, you were awoken by a rather… talkative… personality core and again forced to navigate the test chambers. How did that make you feel?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
The Spine Song - Cake Bake Betty
When it's time
To escape
You realize you've waited until it's too late…
They stole your shoes and then brought you to
The caverns of their teeth
[The interviewer is again looking at the digipad in her lap, brows furrowed.]
[INTERVIEWER] - She woke up…again?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - And you had to stop her again?!
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - Now that HAD to be frustrating.
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Supermassive Black Hole vs. Do Something - Muse vs. Brittney Spears
Ooh, baby don't you know I suffer?
Oh, baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretenses
Ooh, you set my soul alight…
I see you lookin’ at me
Like I'm some kind of freak
Get up out of your seat
Why don’t you do somethin'?
[INTERVIEWER] - So she made you test again…Y’know, I truly believe most other people would have given up at that point. But you kept going. Why? There had to be something driving you, deep down, anger or faith or sheer stubbornness, something. What was it?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
The Outsider - Marina & the Diamonds
Spilt the milk at breakfast
Hit me double hard
And I grinned at you softly
Because I'm a fucking wild card
[The interviewer is again looking at the digipad, and speaks more to herself than to the subject.]
[INTERVIEWER] - A giant, omnipresent AI with countless turrets and an endless stream of neurotoxin, taken down twice by one woman and a floating ball…
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Burning ABRACADABRA Fire - Brown Eyed Girls vs. Sean Kingston
I used to be nice, soft and tender
But if I keep going crazy like this
You’ll change me into something bad
It is like I’m a puppet to you
I’ll remove the spell that you put on me again
[The interviewer looks up suddenly, a little flustered, as if she’s just remembered that she’s supposed to be working here.]
[INTERVIEWER] - Ah…yes, well. Betrayal. Err…even from a little floating ball, that has to sting something fierce.
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Delete You - All Caps
Now I could just delete you
With the click of a button
You wouldn’t even feel it
There’s no reason to keep you
[The interviewer is staring intently at the subject, all pretenses of her calm therapist demeanor gone. Rather, she now looks like a child eagerly awaiting the dramatic end of a bedtime story.]
[INTERVIEWER] - You’re trapped miles under the surface of the earth, no visible way back to the top, and you just…keep going?
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Three Minutes Clapping - The World Ends With You OST
I won't ever give in
No matter how hard you pull me in
I know gravity ain't an excuse
I just want to make things a little more smooth
Majority is still asleep
They're tired of those dreadful dreams
Now let me shout and wake you up
Let me wake you up
[INTERVIEWER] - Defective, ridiculous tests, turrets, neurotoxin, spiked plates…and you two still had time to TROLL the little personality core?!
[Subject turns her head into her hand, as if to hide her expression.]
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Agent Tex - Red vs. Blue Revelation OST
“Um…Can we use turrets on her, or…some explodey-firey thing?”
[The interviewer watches the digipad, transfixed.]
[INTERVIEWER] - You…
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - The moon…
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[INTERVIEWER] - THE MOON!
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
Moondance - Nightwish
(Instrumental)
[The interview sits, stunned, eyes glued to the digipad in her lap. Without warning the subject leaps out of her chair to the coffee table and grabs the portal gun, which warms up with a hiss.]
[INTERVIEWER] - Oh!
[The interviewer stands with a jolt as the subject fires the gun in the direction of the open window to her left. The two women face one another, neither moving, for nearly half a minute. The subject then jerks her head briefly to the side, motioning for the interviewer to move.]
[INTERVIEWER] - You…
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[The interviewer moves, allowing the subject access to the blank wall directly behind her chair. The subject aims the gun at the wall, and this time a blue-tinted oval, almost exactly the same height as the subject, is visible.]
[INTERVIEWER] - [No response.]
[SUBJECT] - [No response.]
[The subject looks one last time at the interviewer, a smile on her face for the first time. Then she steps through the portal, and is gone.]
Many Moons - Janelle Monáe
I keep my feet on solid ground and use my wings when storms come around
I keep my feet on solid ground for freedom…
And when the world just treats you wrong
Just come with me and I'll take you home
…Ms. Wray, if you are so confused as to my actions, I only ask that you read this transcript. Watch this security footage. Look into the face of that woman. And when you do this, I will only have one question for you:
Wouldn’t you have gotten the hell out of her way?
Sincerely,
Dr. Fatima Dahilan, PhD.
P.S. Two different sound files were included with the security camera footage when it came to me. I couldn't find any purpose to them, but I'm forwarding them to you for the sake of completeness.
Want You Gone
Turret Opera
Start Thinking With Portals! (the full zip)