[Fanfic] Pretend
Title: Pretend
Author: chiyo_87
Pairing: Haehyuk
Rating: G
Genre: Angst
Summary: A series of recollections. Donghae-focused.
---
“Ah ah ah OUCH! Hae, get off! You’re too heavy!”
“Teehee,” chirps the said person, sticking out a playful tongue. He bends down further, snatches a sandwich from Hyukjae’s lunchbox then hops off.
“You,” hissed Hyukjae, “come here, I’m gonna pull that tongue of yours out.”
“Nooo,” Donghae says in horror, covering his mouth then he takes off in the opposite direction. Hyukjae takes chase, cursing under his breath, dropping his now empty lunchbox onto the ground without second thought.
“Hold! . . . Damn, where did he go?”
“Haha, let him go, Hyuk, he’s just being Hae,” a honey-like voice spoke.
“Sungmin hyung,” said Hyukjae, sitting back down, “you’re too nice. You can’t always let him get away. He’s too kiddy sometimes. It’s getting kinda annoying actually.”
Within hearing distance, Donghae sat hunkered down, slouched against the wall, the sandwich in his hand lay untouched. Looking up into the azure sky, he stares wistfully at the white puffy strands of clouds, gliding stealthily against a dome of blue. He reaches his free hand out, curls his palm slowly around a cloud, attempts to grab it. Just before his fingers meet the thumb to form a circle, the cloud slithers away. He touches nothing.
“The skies were just as blue that day,” he stares blankly into space, says to no one.
“ … It’s getting kinda annoying actually.”
Feeling a grip on his heart tightening, he takes a small bite of the sandwich. The bread in his mouth, now turning soggy with his saliva, seems too big for the restricted space of his mouth. He doesn’t chew it. He turns to his side and rests his cheek on the cold, concrete wall. He didn’t know what he was doing, seeking comfort from a wall, but that’s what he did anyway.
Once in a while I act like a child
To feel like a kid again
---
-Flashback-
“I like you, Hyukkie.”
Upon hearing his best friend’s confession, little Hyukjae’s face reddened to a tomato. Flustered, he zips up his cardigan all the way to the top until only his eyes and nose are visible.
“M-Me too, Hae,” he says, voice muffled.
Smiling a toothily grin, little Donghae pulls their pinkies together.
“Let’s be together forever. Pinky promise?” He then smiles wider.
“Un. Promise.” Hyukjae flashes his gummy smile.
-End of flashback-
“Hae. Hae! HAE!”
Grunting, the said person opens his eyes. He sees the dwindling sunlight streaming into the room; the first signs of nightfall had begun to creep from the horizon. His dreary eyes follow the beam of dim light, turning his head towards the spot at which it pointed. He sees a pair of shoes. His eyes flickered as he recognized their owner.
“Oh...”
“Hae,” Hyukjae steps forward and squats down to his side. "What the hell happened here? Why are you- are you drunk? And you reek of cigarette smoke.”
Straining his neck, Donghae looks intently at Hyukjae, as if committing his image to memory. In the half-light, Hyukjae’s eyes looked glassy, was a paler shade of blue. It almost looked sad.
“Hyuk…kie.”
Donghae he sees Hyukjae’s eyes widen then sees the eyebrows contract.
“Donghae, I told you to stop calling me that. We’re grownups now. Why are you always like this?”
“Hyuk...” Donghae croaks, crestfallen, then turns away, not willing to see the disappointed look on the other’s face.
“Fine. Just stay that way if you want. I can’t help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself.”
Hyukjae plucks the cigarette from Donghae’s fingers and turns towards the door. Donghae sees the trail of smoke that followed Hyukjae as he storms out of the room. With a feeble hand, he reaches out to try to grab the tail, as if it could pull Hyukjae back. A sudden light breeze seeps into the room and the trail of smoke disintegrates, like a puff of powder blown into the air. Then the rain came down in sporadic showers, pouring over the eaves, tapping roughly against the window panes. Donghae curls his fist and clenches them tightly till his knuckles turned white. Once again, his hand grabs nothing.
“I told you not to be like this,” the honey-like voice said, now obscured by a tinge of spite. A figure appears at the door.
“Shut up,” Donghae hisses.
“It’ll never work out. Not between you two. Society will never allow it.”
Donghae exhales deeply, clutching his shirt as hot tears spilled from his eyes.
“Why?” he says between his chokes, “why?” he asks again, though he expects no answer.
Eyes showing subtle sympathy, Sungmin sighs, “Cause everyone’s watching. And will be quick to start talking. You won’t be able to escape.”
Donghae releases his clenched fist, sees the blood recalculating into his veins.
“I wish I were little again. Without the weight of the world.”
Sungmin’s eyes flickers with emotion and he sighs again.
“We all do.”
---
3 weeks later
“What are you thinking, Hae?”
“Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just looking at the clouds. The low sky looks as if it were about to cry.”
“Hmm...”
Donghae tilts his head slightly to take a peek at the person sitting beside him. Observing him, the air somehow seemed lighter, seemed different. His gaze picked over Hyukjae’s face. He watched the beads of sweat trickle along his temple, watched in amusement at the nose that always twitches for no reason, watched the eyes that fluttered a little too often. Then suddenly those eyes were looking at his own. Then Hyukjae smiled; the same gummy smile from long time ago. The flicker of joy in his heart, though fleeting, was real nonetheless.
Donghae smiles back. “Even if words are not exchanged, even as we just sit here in silence, just the fact that you’re here with me feels like nothing has changed between us. Just like old times. Just like before.”
“Hae, you okay? You’re quieter than usual.”
Blinking back at the sudden question, Donghae balances himself to sit upright. As if pulled on a marionette’s string, his lips widens into a bright smile, the words the heart longs to express remain sealed within his lips, never to find their way out into the light.
It would be nice to start over again
Before we were men
“Nothing, Hyuk. It’s nothing.”
And when it’s the end, our lives will make sense. We’ll love. We’ll bend.
So for now . . .
Let’s play pretend.
A/N: Inspired from this song:
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