[fanfic] Sweet Liar
Title: Sweet Liar
Pairing/Characters: YamaChii [Yamada Ryosuke x Chinen Yuri]
Rating: PG-13 (I hope naked people don't really count into Mature tag but there's hints of sexual activities but nothing is written tbh)
Warnings: N/A
Notes: I got inspired by some scenes from the Sweet Liar performance and yeah... well lol.. it escalated and AS USUAL, it's a mess. I have no idea about flow or thoughts 90% of the time LOL
Not beta:ed as usual.
This is also very much un-betaed because I am a lazy ass and didn't bother finding anyone LOL
Anyways, ENJOY! (and please talk YamaChii and JUMP with me) ♥
Summary: In hindsight, they maybe didn't come up with a proper conclusion about what they really are, but doubts and worry about their feelings were gone.
Inspired by Hey! Say! 7's Sweet Liar.
"I swear to God Ryosuke, if you pull another stunt like that -"
"Mhm? You'll do what?" Yamada interrupted Chinen as they changed out of their stage costumes. They had just finished the last encore and could finally peel off the layers of clothing and relax. Chinen, however, was not pleased with the outcome of today's Sweet Liar performance. The shorter one of them crossed his arms and scowled at Yamada - who only looked smug back at him.
"I know it's all for show and that I said yes to performing Sweet Liar, but you know very well my ears are sensitive," Chinen huffed and his scowl changed to a glare. Fine, he lied. He was pleased with today's performance. More than pleased and that was where the problem lies. Yamada fucking Ryosuke had decided to spice the act up and kiss him on his ear. Usually, Chinen wouldn't complain, but in front of a whole arena? No thanks. It had taken all his willpower to not crumble when he had felt Yamada closing in. Fucker had known exactly what he was doing and that irritated Chinen to no end.
"Come on Chii, don't be like that, you like it. Look at the bright side, it's not everyday you have a hot idol breathing down your neck." Yamada winked at him before throwing a towel over his shoulder. "I'm hitting the showers first!"
Yamada was right. Chinen did like it. Maybe he liked it a bit too much. Thing is, Yamada Ryosuke does not know that Chinen Yuri harbors feelings for him. Or maybe he knows and is an ass about it. Chinen was not sure anymore. He flipped Yamada off when the older turned his back to him before he picked up his own stuff for the shower.
"Hot idol, my ass. More like a walking bomb ready to blow me off earth any second," Chinen muttered to himself angrily. Okay, he wasn't angry in particular at Yamada or himself. Yamada had the fortune to go through puberty with a nice end result - going from a cute chubby boy to well, the top idol of their generation. While Chinen had stayed the same - well, mostly the same. He knew they were different and of course they appealed to the public differently. Chinen had no problems knowing his own strengths and weaknesses. If he couldn't win in the sex appeal, he'd fucking take the world with his cuteness. He was good looking, he knew that (he is a Johnny's after all) but he was nowhere near the Yamada-scale. It was just small insecurities he didn't even knew he thought about.
He could hear Yamada hum lightly in the shower stalls when he arrived there and Chinen took a minute to just listen and think. In the shower stall, Yamada was happily humming, cleaning himself while oblivious fans and likewise (read: Chinen) were only imagining his body. The Sweet Liar performance left little to imagination after going almost topless and while Chinen had seen Yamada naked countless of times, it was different when the other did not know. Chinen had this advantage over the fans at least. A pang of jealousy stirred inside him. Fans were allowed to worship and fantasize all they wanted over them. However, Chinen and his group couldn't even consider a relationship. They spewed out different answers for all the love related questions for the interviews and what not. Love was supposed to be a free choice. At a quick moment of doubt, Chinen wished he was a normal boy without all the idol stuff, just so he could at least come clean with his feelings - even if it was only to himself. He discarded the thought the moment it appeared, idol life was his life. He had chosen this and it had given him Yamada.
He opened the door to the shower stalls, claimed one and started showering. A quick shower was all he needed now, he could clean off the rest later at home. Yamada's humming stopped as he noticed Chinen entering.
"Are you still mad at me?" He asked through the sound of water falling. They were the only ones there at the moment. "I won't do it again if you really don't like it,"
Typical Yamada, always quick to say sorry.
"Whatever," Chinen huffed in reply. He didn't care - or he did but he had no real choice in the matter. "You should have warned me beforehand,"
"Sorry," The older male popped out his head from his stall and locked eyes with Chinen. He looked genuinely sorry. Who was Chinen to say no to that?
He was still a bit bitter about the whole ordeal but in the end, he couldn't stay mad at Yamada too long. His feelings never allowed it. If he could wash away his feelings like he washed away sweat, he'd be grateful. Carrying feelings for someone who won't ever see you in the same light was a heavy burden. While Chinen knew Yamada wasn't 100% straight, he knew that the taller male only saw him as his best friend. He had a special place in Yamada's heart of course and Chinen knew he shouldn't be greedy. He already got so much from Yamada. They knew each other so well, inside-out and communicated without words. Yet Chinen wanted more. The more Yamada gave himself to Chinen, the more Chinen wanted of Yamada. This possessiveness was something he wanted to get rid of. He was afraid he'll burst one day and accidentally ruin everything. If anything, he didn't want to ruin Yamada's hard worked career.
He sighed and flicked some soap foam at Yamada. The ace grinned and knew he was forgiven. They continued to shower in silence until they both stepped out of the stalls with towels wrapped around their waists.
Chinen looked over at Yamada and fuck everything. The remaining droplets of water ran down Yamada's naked skin slowly and so tempting. Down the dip between his shoulderblades and over his well defined biceps. His hair was dripping with water as well, leaving it as natural as it was without all the hair products in it. Oh how Chinen wanted to drag his hands through that hair and hear how Yamada reacted to it.
"Are you okay?"
Yamada's voice broke through Chinen's thoughts and the latter met his gaze.
"Is the con exhaustion catching up on you? Do you need anything?"
The worry in Yamada's voice was laced with a challenge. A challenge Chinen had not heard Yamada voice before. Behind the captivating eyes of the ace, Chinen could see desire. Something he had not seen before in Yamada. Not like this. Maybe he had been ignorant the past years while hiding his feelings. Maybe Yamada finally had caught on and reciprocated his feelings? Hope was what Chinen didn't want to have about this matter. However, something within him urged him to make the best out of the situation. Chinen never took no as an answer anyways.
"If I need anything?"
Chinen walked up to Yamada with two broad steps, backing the latter against the cold wall. They were so close. Like they usually were - but without clothes. He placed his right hand by the taller one's head, trapping him against the wall. Despite being shorter than Yamada, it didn't stop him from cornering him.
"Right now, there's a lot I need," he continued, looking straight into Yamada's eyes. Two can play the same game. If Yamada decided this freaked him out, Chinen could play it off as revenge for Sweet Liar. Everyone knew someone needed Yamada to get down from his high horse and Chinen was sure he was the right man for the job. If Yamada decided to play along, then fuck everything. This was probably a once in a lifetime thing.
"And what could that be?" The mocking tone in Yamada's voice only stirred Chinen up more. Yamada wore his trademark smirk on top of it and all Chinen wanted to do was to show Yamada who's really in charge. Make Yamada's now relaxed body tense up and submit to Chinen's will.
Chinen accepted the silent challenge and grabbed a hold of Yamada's hair with his left hand, tugging it slightly until the taller male was on the same level as him. He smirked back as he saw Yamada wince slightly, not out of pain but out of surprise. Their noses were almost touching and Chinen made sure Yamada had his eyes locked onto his own as he whispered.
"You,"
Nothing more was needed and he didn't know who initiated it either because it happened all so fast. One moment they were still staring into each other's eyes and challenging each other and the next thing they knew, they were kissing passionately. Chinen still had his left hand in Yamada's hair and the latter had grabbed a hold of his waist, bringing them closer to each other. It was like someone had lifted a great burden off Chinen's shoulders. Like he found the last missing piece of a puzzle.
There was a need bursting through Chinen's veins as Yamada moved his hands over his back. All the fleeting touches during concerts, photoshoots and PV makings that had left him all tensed up compared nothing to this. Shivers ran through his body and he tugged on Yamada's hair to urge him on more. That motion earned him a muffled moan and Yamada slid one leg in between Chinen's to get closer. Chinen hungrily nibbled on Yamada's lips in between feverish kisses and tongue battles.
In the back of his head, Chinen hoped this meant something to Yamada. That nothing about this was only a moment in heat and passion. There was no going back for him now and he sincerely hoped that Yamada wouldn't cut him off. They were best friends after all and they've literally done everything (except getting intimate, but soon hopefully) with each other already. Both of them were healthy young males with needs and really, who's better to help you out than your best friend?
Chinen's thoughts switched between all the logical and doubtful thoughts and the ones daring, and filled with lust. He had Yamada in his hands right now, he should make the best out of it before it ends. Make sure he got to taste every bit of the ace, touch every corner of his body and engrave his voice in his memory forever. Make sure he had enough to remember if Yamada decided to bail. If Yamada got cold feet and decided to not even consider them friends anymore. If Yamada decided to cut Chinen off completely.
"You're distracted," Yamada's voice cut through his thoughts in a rough whisper, panting and trying to breathe properly.
They were still so close, limbs tangled together and pressed close. Yamada had his back against the wall and was pretty much supporting them both as Chinen clung onto him. He pressed his lips into a tight line as he looked into Yamada's eyes. He had an answer, but he didn't want to talk about it. He did, but he rather have Yamada just continue. He didn't want to face the reality just yet.
He hooked his finger on Yamada's towel, loosening its grip on the taller male's body. It fell onto the floor with a wet thump and Yamada shivered at the loss.
"Who's distracted now, I wonder," Chinen mumbled as he ghosted his lips over Yamada's throat. Distracted was good. If it meant he could prolong this dream scenario a bit longer. Before Yamada snapped out of this. Chinen wasn't someone to let his desires come first, but he'd been waiting so long. Yet he knew that it was wrong. It should be something to hold dear. Feelings boiled inside him and he couldn't help but draw a sharp breath. Something burned behind his eyelids but he didn't know what. Because he wasn't crying?
He felt hands cradling his face as he was lost in thoughts again. Fingers caressing his cheeks and wiping away the falling tears. Hands so gentle and caring.
"Hey Yuri," The voice he looked up to, adored and loved so much. "Let's get dressed and we'll talk, okay?"
His grip on Yamada tightened the moment he heard the word "talk". Not yet. Don't leave me. Stay. He wanted to convey all those emotions. Yamada on the other hand, had already decided. He gently pushed Chinen off, putting him at an arm's length away.
"I don't want this to be something fleeting,"
Those words were enough for Chinen to relax. Yamada had understood why Chinen didn't want to let go. There was still the threat of Yamada backing off last minute but it seemed like they were still standing safe. Chinen nodded and released his grip on Yamada. The taller softly ran his hand down Chinen's cheek and gently smiled at him.
"Although, you sure you're in a good state to talk?" Chinen quipped in and gestured to Yamada's naked glory. He withheld a small chuckle as the older male turned red and picked up his dropped towel.
"Shut it! At least it's not in front of a whole dome,"
They had taken a cab back to Yamada's place and while Chinen had felt his initial fear and worries go away earlier,
some of them were still nagging his mind. The ace prepared some tea for the both of them as Chinen built a fort of blankets on the couch. Majority of the blankets were only there because Chinen loved blankets and their cosy comfort, and who was Yamada to say no to that.
"So," Yamada began as he made his way over to the blanket fort with the tea.
"You wanted to talk," Chinen continued and peeked out from the fort, grabbing his cup of tea. "Out with it,"
"Why do you always have to rush everything I do," He let out a weak whine as he slumped down beside the smaller male in the fort.
"Because you'll run away from it if I don't,"
Yamada frowned at the reply but he couldn't say anything against it. It was partly true, and partly... not so true.
"Okay, let me summarize this," He began with a shaky breath, Chinen's piercing gaze on him, pinning him in place without a place to run even if he wanted to. "Both of us are not completely straight - never been, and have some kind of feelings for each other, but neither of us have ever acted on it consciously until today, which probably was triggered by the previous events during the concert,"
"I'm simply Ryosuke-sexual," Chinen quipped in as a matter of fact, but earned a pair of raised eyebrows in return. "It's true though!"
"Sexualities aside, where does this even leave us? What do we want of this? Is this just about sex? Is it driven by some lust because we lack a normal, healthy human relationship opportunities?" Yamada frowned and turned to take a sip from his tea. He turned his eyes to Chinen. He wanted answers. He didn't even know his own answers for half of them. To him, Chinen was irreplaceable. He didn't want to lose Chinen to something like this. If he had only two chances to save anyone in the world, he would spend both of them on Chinen. Did that mean he loves Chinen? In a way, he does. Although, he is not sure if it's what's considered "love". Their whole careers are revolving around "love" and idols. Love to them, is something special. Something they find on their own, without anyone else telling them how to do or say. No scripts to follow.
The more Yamada tried to tell himself that he didn't really love Chinen in the general way, the more he persuaded himself - that, yes, he was in love with Chinen Yuri and it took him a lifetime to figure it out.
Apparently he had been in his thoughts for a while because Chinen was still not saying anything, just looking at him. He turned his eyes away from the younger male, afraid that everything he just thought of would be crystal clear to Chinen. When did he start to worry about that? He had never hid anything from Chinen before. Or had he?
"You're overthinking things again," Chinen's voice was clear and cut through his thoughts and inner trauma like a lightning bolt. "Things are simple. There's no need to complicate them."
Yamada frowned once again, Chinen's replies made no sense. For them, any kind of relationship was a disaster zone.
"I love you, and that won't ever change in my lifetime," Chinen confessed, hand reaching up to caress Yamada's cheek. "For me, I can live with you going off to someone else, if that's what you want. I rather prefer you choose me, but that's not really my choice to make. If you're happy, I can be happy. Fan service won't stop and everything might need to be planned more but we're both professionals at this. Work-wise, nothing will change, whether you accept my feelings or not. We're not raging, hormonal teenagers anymore."
In Yamada's eyes, Chinen was so mature. So much more mature than he let himself show usually. He was in silent awe how well the younger was taking all of this. Had he thought of this before? No, Chinen simply had a huge self insight. He probably realized everything a long time ago and analyzed it already. It was only Yamada being slow.
"No, I know, I just.." He began and fiddled with his fingers around the tea cup. How was he supposed to voice this?
"You don't know, I know." Chinen replied for him. How in the world could he know so much? "I am not stupid, you're just slow. I know you feel something for me - aside from well, physical attraction, seeing what we did before. The thing is, Ryosuke, is it something worth trying for you?"
"You're worth everything!" Yamada blurted out. He wasn't lying. Chinen simply raise his eyebrows in reply. "I just don't know if it's love,"
"Does that even matter? If it's love or not?"
"Of course it does! If it's not, then it's like I am taking advantage of you," Yamada put down his cup on the table, afraid he'll break it soon. Chinen had emerged from the blanket fort and was sitting turned to him.
"Just say yes or no, Ryosuke," Chinen began and climbed closer, straddling the taller male in the process. "Are you afraid to love me?"
"No," His reply was instant. He wasn't. If he were to love anyone, he'd choose Chinen in a heartbeat. If someone deserved love, it was Chinen.
"Are you fine with how we are right now? Relationship wise."
"Yes?" He was. There was no one else who understood him like Chinen. Who calmed him down like Chinen. With Chinen, he could be himself. Chinen was his anchor in the sea of life. What is Chinen trying to accomplish with these questions?
"Would you mind going further with me, like we did earlier in the bathroom?"
"No?" He didn't mind. On the contrary, he minded the fact nothing happened, despite him being the one who pulled back. He kinda regrets it now. Maybe this wouldn't be as awkward if they did it earlier.
"Then why don't we just try? The whole relationship thing. Nothing needs to change. Love isn't changing a person drastically. I don't believe in falling in and out of love. I believe you either love someone and you love them forever - only that sometimes you love some people a bit more. For me, you've been the one I've loved the most for years,"
Chinen's words hung in the air, heavy with meaning, feelings and hope. Yamada wasn't even sure anymore what he was confused about. Chinen was everything he would ever need. Was he afraid?
"I'll show you so much more that we can be Ryosuke, but the choice in the end is yours. Whatever you choose, I will still be your best friend like always. You can become a sweet liar for all I care. Push me away if you really don't want this,"
The choice had already been decided the moment they entered Yamada's apartment. Maybe even a long time before that even. Year ago maybe. Yamada had only not acknowledged it. Come hell or high water, Chinen was his answer. (You never said no to Chinen anyways.)
Yamada lifted his arms to embrace Chinen, pulling him closer. He pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, erasing all the tension and worry from Chinen's face. The latter smiled a victory smile and leaned in for another.
"See? You just complicate things,"
"This is why I have you, to make it simple," Yamada chuckled and nuzzled his face into Chinen's neck. "I'm just stupid, let me be. I know where I stand now. Let me just stay at your side,"
"Well, I know another place you might rather be at as well," Chinen said and smirked. "It does include me so..."
Yamada flushed at the idea Chinen had and he cursed the younger for being such a S.
"You never get enough, do you?" Yamada picked Chinen up in his arms and the latter hooked his legs around Yamada's torso (being small had its perks sometimes, and Yamada's current workout routine did not disappoint). "I can't believe I have created such spoiled monster,"
"Less talk and more action," Chinen scolded as he pinched Yamada's bicep. "Bedroom, now."
In hindsight, they maybe didn't come up with a proper conclusion about what they really are, but doubts and worry about their feelings were gone.