Stars
Title: Stars
Rating: Hard PG-13
Pairing: JaeMin
Warnings: Angst, and you may harbor a desire to kill the author
Summary: They were the perfect couple. But now Changmin was gone. And Jae Joong's left behind.
A/N: This is for dokssuri and she probably has no idea why
They met as mere toddlers, Changmin two years old and Jae Joong four. Their parents had laughed, Changmin's family recently having returned from Spain.
They had immediately become friends, or so they had been told as their memories were very poor, as it was with most that age.
Through elementary school and middle school, they had been the best of friends. Refusing to acknowledge the fluttering in their stomachs when they linked hands, the blush that crept onto their faces when ahjummas called them a sweet couple.
But in Changmin's last week of middle school, he confronted his best friend. He did more then that. He gave Jae Joong his first kiss, and filled it with as much passion and desire as he could, his body shaking, tears rolling down his face.
But when Jae Joong started kissing back, and when he whispered that he loved Changmin, it was the greatest feeling in the world.
It was also the night they first made love.
They moved in together when Changmin got accepted into university. It was perfect. They would fight, every couple did, but they always made up in the end.
But one night, the fight got out of control. Changmin had been spiraling down, not sleeping, barely eating, always working.
And one day, Jae Joong walked into the small bookstore where he worked and saw Changmin on the desk, naked, and being touched by the store owner.
When Changmin saw him, Jae Joong watched as tears rolled down his cheeks. The boy whispered Jae Joong's name, and Jae Joong ran from the bookstore.
That night Jae Joong had snapped. He had yelled, and he had thrown stuff at Changmin. And then... Changmin was gone. Never to be seen again.
Their friends had comforted him after the break up. But that didn't stop him from being overrode with guilt. Changmin had gone. Jae Joong had driven him away.
Jae Joong had known that Changmin had given him his heart, soul and body. And he knew that what had happened with his boss hadn't been Changmin's choice.
The guilt destroyed him. And maybe that was why... maybe that was why his imagination conjured up that false Changmin. To ease the guilt. Or strengthen it.
He had no footsteps. He didn't breathe. His body held no warmth. And yet in some way he was the exact same.
The same smile, the same laugh. The same body, the same aura. In a way, he was even more beautiful then he had been before. All the weight of the world had disappeared. Had Jae Joong been the weight that dragged Changmin down?
“Hyung!” Changmin squealed, sitting in Jae Joong's lap, his body adding no weight whatsoever to Jae Joong's legs.
Following instinct, Jae Joong's hand reached up and stroked Changmin's hair, gently soothing the imaginary boy.
“Hey, why are you crying? It makes you look ugly...” Changmin said, kissing Jae Joong's cheek that had unknowingly become stained with tears.
“Ah, sorry...” Jae Joong said, wiping his eyes. Changmin smiled.
“Why are you crying?” Changmin asked again.
“Changmin...... why are you here?” Jae Joong asked.
“Because I want to be.... I didn't want to go....” Changmin whispered, and Jae Joong felt tears strike in his eyes again.
“I'm sorry I drove you away...” Jae Joong whispered, kissing Changmin's head gently.
“It's alright. I'm back now!” Changmin said, smiling happily.
No you're not. This isn't you.
“Hyung, I'm hungry~!” Changmin whined, and Jae Joong smiled sadly.
“But you can't eat...” Jae Joong said, and Changmin's eyes widened.
“I can't... eat? B-But I need food! I'm going to die without food! I'll loose my mind! What do you mean I can't eat! FOOD, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!!!” Changmin screamed, burying his face in Jae Joong's neck.
Jae Joong couldn't help but laugh. It was just such a typical Changmin reaction, that he forgot that it wasn't Changmin making it.
Jae Joong looked at the clock, and then down at Changmin.
“Changmin, I have to go. I have to meet someone,” Jae Joong said, quickly getting to his feet, not caring as Changmin fell to the ground.
“Hyung?” Changmin asked quietly.
“Don't leave the apartment,” Jae Joong said, before leaving the apartment and locking the door behind him.
“Hyung! Did I do something wrong?! Hyung!!” Changmin cried from behind the door, but Jae Joong didn't pay attention. He could hear sobs from behind the door, but he was already down the corridor.
Jae Joong walked into the cafe that he had promised to meet Junsu and Yunho in. He shook the rain off his coat and walked inside. The two were sitting at a table beside the window, getting a perfect view of the down poar of droplets that came from the clouds.
Jae Joong walked over to them and sat down, sighing. His heart clenched at the thought of his imaginary Changmin sitting on the floor, crying and wondering why Jae Joong had suddenly run away.
“Jae Joong-ah, are you okay?” Yunho asked, and Jae Joong nodded.
“Just have a lot on my mind, that's all,” Jae Joong said, and Junsu's expression saddened.
“You must miss Changmin...” Junsu said.
Yeah, probably would miss him more if this imaginary version of him wasn't in my room.
“Uh, I'll go get us some coffee and something to eat,” Junsu said, probably eager to get out of the uncomfortable silence. Jae Joong just nodded.
“Listen, Jae...... maybe you should get out for a while..... maybe move out of your apartment? A fresh start, you know?” Yunho said, and Jae Joong shook his head.
“If Changmin comes back and I'm not there, he'll get scared,” Jae Joong said sadly.
“Jae Joong, Changmin's gone! You said it yourself, he's not coming back!” Yunho exclaimed, desperation clear in his voice, in his face.
“Nothing's for certain...”
“Jae, he is never coming back!! You know that, why won't you admit it?!!” Yunho demanded. Jae Joong slid his chair out and got to his feet.
“I feel tired. I'm going to go home and get some rest,” Jae Joong said, his eyes cast downward. He needed to see Changmin. Changmin came back to him....
That Changmin isn't real....
Jae Joong left Yunho sitting with his mouth open, sorrow obvious in his eyes.
Jae Joong opened his bedroom door and walked inside, immediately seeing Changmin on the floor. Jae Joong wrapped his arms around Changmin's body, kissing his head.
“Sorry about that...” Jae Joong said, and Changmin clung to him.
“Don't go.... never go...”
“Only if you promise to do the same,” Jae Joong said, and Changmin nodded.
“We'll always be together...” Changmin said quietly.
Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed. It was almost the same. Jae Joong would return to Changmin. They would make love, they would kiss, and they would shower, and they would eat. It was perfect, except for the voice nagging in Jae Joong's brain. That this wasn't Changmin.
Jae Joong looked up at the night sky, the black blanket of air making the world quiet. The stars were few, and the moon wasn't very bright.
Street lights shone down on the grass as Jae Joong slowly rocked back and forth, the swing creaking slightly due to it's age.
“Hyung, are you alright?” Changmin asked from the swing next to him, his head tilted to the side. Jae Joong nodded.
“I'm fine. I'm just thinking,” Jae Joong said.
“Don't think too much. Only my brain is able to handle the such and act for an extended length of time,” Changmin said, swinging back and forth and humming, the swing creaking.
“Changmin-ah.....” Jae Joong said quietly, and Changmin stopped moving.
“Do you know that you're dead?” Jae Joong asked. Changmin's hands gripped the chains of the swings, and his head fell forward.
“I... I was hoping that... that you wouldn't admit it. Admitting it makes it real...” Changmin said, and Jae Joong got off his swing and knelt in front of Changmin.
Jae Joong raised his hands and forced Changmin to look at him.
“You need to go...” Jae Joong said.
“You don't want me here?” Changmin asked weakly, and the sadness in his voice tore at Jae Joong's heart.
“Changmin, you need to go. Where you belong. You can't stay here forever,” Jae Joong said.
“But I like being with you!! I...I.... I want to stay!” Changmin exclaimed, but Jae Joong shook his head.
“No. I will never be happy when you're still here. We both need to face it, Min-ah..... we both need to accept it......”
“Will you.... forgive yourself?” Changmin asked, and the two lovers intertwined their hands.
“I.....” Jae Joong bit his lip before seeing Changmin's pleading eyes. “Yes, I'll forgive myself.”
Jae Joong threw the vase at Changmin, the younger boy crying out as it shattered behind him.
“Hyung, please believe me..... I didn't want to do it! I-”
“SHUT UP!” Jae Joong screamed, throwing a very large and heavy book at Changmin.
Changmin backed away, tears streaking down his face.
“Hyung, please!” Changmin sobbed, backing out of the unlocked door and onto the balcony. Jae Joong lifted another object, preparing to throw it, and Changmin kept backing away. He didn't see where he was going.
There was screams as the railing on the balcony snapped and Changmin fell, screaming as well. Jae Joong's eyes widened.
“CHANGMIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Jae Joong wrapped his arms around the ghost of Changmin.
“It hurts....” Changmin whispered, and Jae Joong rubbed circles into Changmin's back. Mist was starting to escape from the boy.
“It won't hurt much longer,” Jae Joong said quietly. He wasn't sure, but he needed some comfort. They both did.
“Nngh...” Changmin moaned, clinging to Jae Joong's shirt. Changmin leaned forward and kissed Jae Joong passionately.
Jae Joong was temporarily blinded as white light exploded through the park, centering around the ghost of his lover.
And then all was silent. And the few stars became millions. The dim moon shone brightly. Changmin was gone.
A/N: *whistles nervously before running away*