Hermaia Enodia
Last night was the celebration of the first of the new festivals on my calendar, the Hermaia Enodia which honors Hermes in his role as god of the roads.
As this is my first celebration of the holiday, I spent much of the day thinking about what does Hermes Enodios mean to me. The festival as it was written has a very mystical flavor because the person who created it has a very mystical spiritual life; while the concept of pathwalking interests me greatly, its not quite where I am at this date and time. So where am I now, and how does Hermes Enodios relate to me?
As you all know I recently moved to a new city on a very short notice, to live with people I had never met in person, all at Hermes' prompting. Its all worked out amazingly well so far (except for the job situation). Travel has featured prominently in my life the last few months, as I'm still trying to learn how to navigate the city (me and my horrible sense of direction). Also, and this was an idea that came to me rather suddenly (while I was writing, I'll get to that later), but I thought that this aspect of Hermes is one of the ones that is the patron god of outsiders, of which I consider myself to be. Hermes Enodios protects travelers on the road far from the safety and familiarity of the home, of the community to which they belong; but for those of us who don't have a place we can really call home, for those of us who don't have a community to belong to, aren't we always in a sense in his liminal world, in the unsafe and unfamiliar, aren't we always in need of his protection? Maybe I'm stretching things a little bit there, I don't know. I want to actually write something up about that one of these days, all the different ways Hermes connects to the outsider sort of life, how his particular blessings are the ones most necessary for survival there.
Anyway, gave my usual offerings, coins, bread and libations (of coffee this time, it was sort of a middle of the night inspiration and thought I'd try it out, seemed to go over well enough). After spending much time talking aloud in my rambling sort of way, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a hymn to Hermes Enodios. I may post that later, I actually think its pretty good yet I remain slightly insecure about it; after all I'm used to agonizing over my writing, working it over line by line until its as close as I can come to perfection, not just vomiting it up like I did last night.
I also did a tarot reading for myself (and I owe Dominic one too, he asked me and I think what I did last night was a little sloppy, I mean hell I was up all night with this, so I'm doing that one over). I used to Haindl deck I was loaned and Rachel Pollack's book. I can see what Renee was talking about with the woman's personal views (though if they're her views or the views of the man who created this deck its hard to tell, she mentions several times talking to the man personally while writing this book). Even just looking up the cards that I did, there was so much of that fluffy New Age crap that makes my eyes bleed, not to mention more than a little of the old women = good, men = bad, peaceful matriarchy brutally destroyed by the evil penis patriarchy bullshit. At one point while shuffling the Emperor card fell out of the deck, and I looked it up to see if it had any relevant meaning since when things like that happen it very often does; I couldn't fucking tell, so much of what was written for the Emperor was nothing more than blatant male bashing, I just couldn't stand it.
But my irritation at that aside, many of the cards that I pulled out seemed very relevant. I appear to be doing more than a sufficient job working myself over, I'm far from done yet but I'm making good progress.
I asked for advice about the job situation. Today I could've gone and talked to someone about the construction job, but I didn't do it. Not just because I was awake so long yesterday, but because Hermes' old warning has really been circulating in my head lately, and the more I consider going after this job the less certain I am that I really want to do it, that its really what's best for me. I know much of the family thinks its a good idea because its career orientated and because of the money involved, and I won't pretend that the money isn't a tempting part of things, but the question remains do I really want a career? As a career is something you have to pour a great deal of your time and energy into, it should be something you actually want to do, something you enjoy doing as you'll likely be spending most of your time doing it. I do like playing with tools sometimes, but is it really something that I'd want to do for the rest of my life? Is it something that I want to spend the vast majority of my time and energy doing? The true and honest answer to that is no. Truth is I have few passions in life and those that I do have, which are really my writing and Hermes, I can't make money off of. And I already know that Hermes has certain plans for much of my time and energy and, as I intend to become his priest, I know that he has to come first. Its not even a matter of having to, I'm happier when I'm doing work for him, I wouldn't want to sacrifice that for the sake of building a career I don't really want. That's why I always wanted just a crappy retail job, something that, when I inevitably become sick and tired of working there (and I will, I know myself, I will), it will be much easier to throw it away and find something new than it would be to toss out a career I put that much time and effort into. Likely Hermes' warning was right, the only reason why I'm even considering this offer is a fear that I won't be able to find anything else. And that is really not a good enough reason to get involved with this, its not just a job its a commitment, its a lot of hard work and its going to school and learning and studying, and I'd run the other way from it instantly if there were other options on the horizon.
The cards didn't really give me an answer, I think Hermes is forcing me to really work this one out on my own. It was mostly about balancing life and work, the uncomfortable choice many face between unemployment and meaningless jobs. The way our society is set up I have no choice really but to work (as the chances of my meeting a rich girlfriend at any point in my life are less than nothing), and I have to decide what in my life is most important to me and find a balance there.
Another issue that has come up recently is Aphrodite. She seems to keep popping up every now and then, no matter how much I don't understand why or would probably rather she go away. A few days ago I had this... well, a day dream may be the best way to understand it even if that really isn't what it was, my brain is constantly running and it often thinks in images and little movies.
Anyway, my idea/day dream kind of went like this. I see Aphrodite in what is very much the standard image, beautiful blond perfection, all feminine and delicate, with the dress and the make up and all that crap. And she says to me, "You don't like me very much, do you?" Now I had no speaking part in this, I never do, but I didn't need to answer as it wasn't really a question. Then she says, "Well, would it help you if I looked like this instead?" And her appearance changes, from the typical Barbie doll vision to something different. She kind of looked like Death from the Sandman novels (Dominic is trying to get me into those now, I was reading a short story about Death on the train ride home). Either way, it was an image I found a whole hell of a lot more attractive.
One of my Livejournal friends here used to write about how she didn't realize she was bisexual for so long because she's incredibly picky; I think I can relate to that, though my pickiness would run in the exact opposite direction as her's. There is so much about (typical) women and female culture that I just can not stand, things I avoid in my own life and don't find appealing in other people. That typical image of female beauty is way up there on the list. I do not find beauty in that image, I never have and likely never will. Barbie dolls are not attractive, perfection is not beautiful (real people are not perfect looking, we're flawed, I sure as hell know I am). Never was a real big fan of highly feminine women either, that's not a very appealing quality to me and I tend to avoid any sort of relationship with such women (though I usually don't have to try too hard, women like that don't usually want much to do with me either; there are always exceptions to be sure, but those have thus far been few and far between); I'm not looking for my polar opposite here but someone more in my own ballpark, I prefer a personality I can relate to and at least a few common interests in any and all relationships. I know most people are likely to disagree with this and that's fine, I'm used to having my own unique views on things that no one understands but me.
My difficulties with Aphrodite are numerous, mostly having to do with my lonely life and the anger and bitterness I feel over that, but certainly one of my problems is that image. I have up until now seen her the way everyone else does, and while that image is a pleasing one for most people it is not a pleasing one for me. If I don't find the goddess of beauty to be beautiful, that would be a real roadblock to understanding and appreciating her. Her message to me there, I suppose, is that beauty comes in all sorts of different forms and I need to learn to see her on my own terms and not let others' ideas influence me.
Anyway, back to the reading. I asked about her specifically and the response I got seems to indicate that she's around and I have things I need to work out with her. Whether she hangs around at all after that eventually occurs is anybody's guess, but she's going to keep popping up on me until then.
I also did a great deal of thinking about how its January and March, and the planned date of my dedication, is rapidly coming up. I have more thoughts on priesthood, but this has gone on a little long as it is, other people want to use the computer and so I'll post about it later.
All in all, it was a good festival, I had fun with it and look forward to next year. :-)
As this is my first celebration of the holiday, I spent much of the day thinking about what does Hermes Enodios mean to me. The festival as it was written has a very mystical flavor because the person who created it has a very mystical spiritual life; while the concept of pathwalking interests me greatly, its not quite where I am at this date and time. So where am I now, and how does Hermes Enodios relate to me?
As you all know I recently moved to a new city on a very short notice, to live with people I had never met in person, all at Hermes' prompting. Its all worked out amazingly well so far (except for the job situation). Travel has featured prominently in my life the last few months, as I'm still trying to learn how to navigate the city (me and my horrible sense of direction). Also, and this was an idea that came to me rather suddenly (while I was writing, I'll get to that later), but I thought that this aspect of Hermes is one of the ones that is the patron god of outsiders, of which I consider myself to be. Hermes Enodios protects travelers on the road far from the safety and familiarity of the home, of the community to which they belong; but for those of us who don't have a place we can really call home, for those of us who don't have a community to belong to, aren't we always in a sense in his liminal world, in the unsafe and unfamiliar, aren't we always in need of his protection? Maybe I'm stretching things a little bit there, I don't know. I want to actually write something up about that one of these days, all the different ways Hermes connects to the outsider sort of life, how his particular blessings are the ones most necessary for survival there.
Anyway, gave my usual offerings, coins, bread and libations (of coffee this time, it was sort of a middle of the night inspiration and thought I'd try it out, seemed to go over well enough). After spending much time talking aloud in my rambling sort of way, I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote a hymn to Hermes Enodios. I may post that later, I actually think its pretty good yet I remain slightly insecure about it; after all I'm used to agonizing over my writing, working it over line by line until its as close as I can come to perfection, not just vomiting it up like I did last night.
I also did a tarot reading for myself (and I owe Dominic one too, he asked me and I think what I did last night was a little sloppy, I mean hell I was up all night with this, so I'm doing that one over). I used to Haindl deck I was loaned and Rachel Pollack's book. I can see what Renee was talking about with the woman's personal views (though if they're her views or the views of the man who created this deck its hard to tell, she mentions several times talking to the man personally while writing this book). Even just looking up the cards that I did, there was so much of that fluffy New Age crap that makes my eyes bleed, not to mention more than a little of the old women = good, men = bad, peaceful matriarchy brutally destroyed by the evil penis patriarchy bullshit. At one point while shuffling the Emperor card fell out of the deck, and I looked it up to see if it had any relevant meaning since when things like that happen it very often does; I couldn't fucking tell, so much of what was written for the Emperor was nothing more than blatant male bashing, I just couldn't stand it.
But my irritation at that aside, many of the cards that I pulled out seemed very relevant. I appear to be doing more than a sufficient job working myself over, I'm far from done yet but I'm making good progress.
I asked for advice about the job situation. Today I could've gone and talked to someone about the construction job, but I didn't do it. Not just because I was awake so long yesterday, but because Hermes' old warning has really been circulating in my head lately, and the more I consider going after this job the less certain I am that I really want to do it, that its really what's best for me. I know much of the family thinks its a good idea because its career orientated and because of the money involved, and I won't pretend that the money isn't a tempting part of things, but the question remains do I really want a career? As a career is something you have to pour a great deal of your time and energy into, it should be something you actually want to do, something you enjoy doing as you'll likely be spending most of your time doing it. I do like playing with tools sometimes, but is it really something that I'd want to do for the rest of my life? Is it something that I want to spend the vast majority of my time and energy doing? The true and honest answer to that is no. Truth is I have few passions in life and those that I do have, which are really my writing and Hermes, I can't make money off of. And I already know that Hermes has certain plans for much of my time and energy and, as I intend to become his priest, I know that he has to come first. Its not even a matter of having to, I'm happier when I'm doing work for him, I wouldn't want to sacrifice that for the sake of building a career I don't really want. That's why I always wanted just a crappy retail job, something that, when I inevitably become sick and tired of working there (and I will, I know myself, I will), it will be much easier to throw it away and find something new than it would be to toss out a career I put that much time and effort into. Likely Hermes' warning was right, the only reason why I'm even considering this offer is a fear that I won't be able to find anything else. And that is really not a good enough reason to get involved with this, its not just a job its a commitment, its a lot of hard work and its going to school and learning and studying, and I'd run the other way from it instantly if there were other options on the horizon.
The cards didn't really give me an answer, I think Hermes is forcing me to really work this one out on my own. It was mostly about balancing life and work, the uncomfortable choice many face between unemployment and meaningless jobs. The way our society is set up I have no choice really but to work (as the chances of my meeting a rich girlfriend at any point in my life are less than nothing), and I have to decide what in my life is most important to me and find a balance there.
Another issue that has come up recently is Aphrodite. She seems to keep popping up every now and then, no matter how much I don't understand why or would probably rather she go away. A few days ago I had this... well, a day dream may be the best way to understand it even if that really isn't what it was, my brain is constantly running and it often thinks in images and little movies.
Anyway, my idea/day dream kind of went like this. I see Aphrodite in what is very much the standard image, beautiful blond perfection, all feminine and delicate, with the dress and the make up and all that crap. And she says to me, "You don't like me very much, do you?" Now I had no speaking part in this, I never do, but I didn't need to answer as it wasn't really a question. Then she says, "Well, would it help you if I looked like this instead?" And her appearance changes, from the typical Barbie doll vision to something different. She kind of looked like Death from the Sandman novels (Dominic is trying to get me into those now, I was reading a short story about Death on the train ride home). Either way, it was an image I found a whole hell of a lot more attractive.
One of my Livejournal friends here used to write about how she didn't realize she was bisexual for so long because she's incredibly picky; I think I can relate to that, though my pickiness would run in the exact opposite direction as her's. There is so much about (typical) women and female culture that I just can not stand, things I avoid in my own life and don't find appealing in other people. That typical image of female beauty is way up there on the list. I do not find beauty in that image, I never have and likely never will. Barbie dolls are not attractive, perfection is not beautiful (real people are not perfect looking, we're flawed, I sure as hell know I am). Never was a real big fan of highly feminine women either, that's not a very appealing quality to me and I tend to avoid any sort of relationship with such women (though I usually don't have to try too hard, women like that don't usually want much to do with me either; there are always exceptions to be sure, but those have thus far been few and far between); I'm not looking for my polar opposite here but someone more in my own ballpark, I prefer a personality I can relate to and at least a few common interests in any and all relationships. I know most people are likely to disagree with this and that's fine, I'm used to having my own unique views on things that no one understands but me.
My difficulties with Aphrodite are numerous, mostly having to do with my lonely life and the anger and bitterness I feel over that, but certainly one of my problems is that image. I have up until now seen her the way everyone else does, and while that image is a pleasing one for most people it is not a pleasing one for me. If I don't find the goddess of beauty to be beautiful, that would be a real roadblock to understanding and appreciating her. Her message to me there, I suppose, is that beauty comes in all sorts of different forms and I need to learn to see her on my own terms and not let others' ideas influence me.
Anyway, back to the reading. I asked about her specifically and the response I got seems to indicate that she's around and I have things I need to work out with her. Whether she hangs around at all after that eventually occurs is anybody's guess, but she's going to keep popping up on me until then.
I also did a great deal of thinking about how its January and March, and the planned date of my dedication, is rapidly coming up. I have more thoughts on priesthood, but this has gone on a little long as it is, other people want to use the computer and so I'll post about it later.
All in all, it was a good festival, I had fun with it and look forward to next year. :-)