(no subject)
I had an interesting chat with Mum today.
She helps out an old woman who lives fairly close to us; every time Mum goes to collect her pension she also picks up this woman's for her as well. She drives her out to see her daughter (who does not live locally) as well, and never gets any money for petrol. Most of the time she's not even thanked. She also drives other people around too. They hardly ever bother giving her anything towards the costs either. They pretty much take it for granted that she'll jump when they tell her to.
My Mum is really good to people, and most of them take it for granted or treat her like shit. I made a comment about how I know the feeling, and she said she wasn't even surprised.
"Your Gran was like this too. And your sister is. It runs in the family."
Then she gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry you're like it too."
And then she went out to cart some of these people off to lunch.
So to put it another way, I am genetically predisposed to letting people treat me like shit, while at the same time trying to do everythying I can to please them. I think that's worse than the migraines.
I'd love to stop. Really I could. But I think part of me hopes that one day I'll be treated properly by someone who really does care about me, and doesn't just say so every few weeks before ignoring me again. And as I am currently finding out, there is a very thin line between feeling like you're being treated badly and feeling like you're being treated with outright contempt.
I am sick to death of being ignored and treated like I'm fucking shit on their shoe by people who simultaneously claim to care about me. Caring about someone HAS to be backed up by actions; no matter how small or insignificant they may be, those actions are noticed. And their absence is noticed even more. When you love someone with all your heart, do nothing wrong and they turn round and treat you like you're a cunt because they upset you, it fucking hurts. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe that's my problem.
I need to summon up some of that contempt for myself, I tihnk. I could certainly put it to good use if I could just stop pointlessly hoping things will improve and just walk the fuck away from the people who hurt me.
My head hurts. I'm going back to bed.
She helps out an old woman who lives fairly close to us; every time Mum goes to collect her pension she also picks up this woman's for her as well. She drives her out to see her daughter (who does not live locally) as well, and never gets any money for petrol. Most of the time she's not even thanked. She also drives other people around too. They hardly ever bother giving her anything towards the costs either. They pretty much take it for granted that she'll jump when they tell her to.
My Mum is really good to people, and most of them take it for granted or treat her like shit. I made a comment about how I know the feeling, and she said she wasn't even surprised.
"Your Gran was like this too. And your sister is. It runs in the family."
Then she gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry you're like it too."
And then she went out to cart some of these people off to lunch.
So to put it another way, I am genetically predisposed to letting people treat me like shit, while at the same time trying to do everythying I can to please them. I think that's worse than the migraines.
I'd love to stop. Really I could. But I think part of me hopes that one day I'll be treated properly by someone who really does care about me, and doesn't just say so every few weeks before ignoring me again. And as I am currently finding out, there is a very thin line between feeling like you're being treated badly and feeling like you're being treated with outright contempt.
I am sick to death of being ignored and treated like I'm fucking shit on their shoe by people who simultaneously claim to care about me. Caring about someone HAS to be backed up by actions; no matter how small or insignificant they may be, those actions are noticed. And their absence is noticed even more. When you love someone with all your heart, do nothing wrong and they turn round and treat you like you're a cunt because they upset you, it fucking hurts. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe that's my problem.
I need to summon up some of that contempt for myself, I tihnk. I could certainly put it to good use if I could just stop pointlessly hoping things will improve and just walk the fuck away from the people who hurt me.
My head hurts. I'm going back to bed.