i've been dancing on the tops of buildings.

[chippewagirl89]

so many great songs talking about falling
"head over heels in love"
(or in the case of blg, "heels over head")
i digress.

and this sad notion just came to me.
how can you can you fall for someone like that
when you've been told directly by them that it's a terrible idea?
one that just sets you up for being hurt.

i'm holding back from falling.
trying my best to hold back from getting attached.

but it's still soon, and it's still easy to do that.
but as the months pass and we spend more time together...
i try not to worry so much about what hasn't happened yet.

but i still want to be the girl who changes it for him.
who proves that love really can be all it's cracked up to be.
but i've realized that while i want to do that--
i want him to be the one that proves the same to me.

and i want to fall, entirely, into someone i think could be worthwhile.
but i keep telling myself eventually, but not now, not anytime soon.

and i don't love him. i laugh when i think of the idea of even starting to fall.
it hasn't even been three months yet. it would be obnoxiously soon.
but the more he tells me not to love him, the more i reach towards him.

i want to be enough, good enough to love. for him to love me.

and now that i've type that last line, suddenly, this all seems a little familiar. damn.