(no subject)
you know.... i really thought that moving away from home, getting a new car, getting a real pet... all of that... would somehow be a lot more fun. but its not. its nothing but stress. and depression. and loads of other stuff that i won't even go into. but just know that i'm not happy anymore. kitten= cuteness= fun= a real pet and not just fish= destroying of apartment= stress. new car= better car than grand am= more bills= less money= more stress. apartment= no parents= no rules= more freedom= being alone almost all the time= even more stress and depression. i hate coming home to our apartment and finding that its going to be just my apartment for the nite. i hate being alone all the time. eating alone. watching tv alone. taking care of the house alone. its killing me. and theres more. i don't even know if he likes me anymore. most of the time lately its like we're friends that live together and sleep in the same bed. what did i get myself into. god i wish he'd tell me how he feels. more yet, whats wrong with me? do i just repel all men? seriously. i wish i knew what was wrong. with me. and with the rest of the world. with everything. i'm sick of putting on a happy smiling fucking face all the time when i really feel like ripping my face off and screaming until i can't breathe anymore. i think i need to go back on my crazy pills. for real.