Ignored.
It hurt to avert my eyes, to not say anything when you came to say goodbye. Granted, you weren't saying anything final, not even unfriendly--for it was for a group of us--I was trying to see though if I could have a day without you.
I can.
I don't have to smile at you. I don't have to sit by you. I don't have to speak to you. I don't have to watch your body as it moves. I don't have to catch your eyes lighting up with a laugh. I don't have to trace your features with my gaze. I don't have to feel the creeping warmth that comes when you smile. I don't have to.
But knowing you're but a few feet from me, smiling, laughing, talking, I feel your eyes on me, confused. Does it burn just a bit in your chest as it does me? Does it tighten until the breath catches a bit in your throat as you walk out the door, hoping I'll send you off with a grin only to be unsatisfied? It hurt me.
But I need to know that I'm my own person without you. I can be my own person without you--I am capable. But do I want to be?
I can.
I don't have to smile at you. I don't have to sit by you. I don't have to speak to you. I don't have to watch your body as it moves. I don't have to catch your eyes lighting up with a laugh. I don't have to trace your features with my gaze. I don't have to feel the creeping warmth that comes when you smile. I don't have to.
But knowing you're but a few feet from me, smiling, laughing, talking, I feel your eyes on me, confused. Does it burn just a bit in your chest as it does me? Does it tighten until the breath catches a bit in your throat as you walk out the door, hoping I'll send you off with a grin only to be unsatisfied? It hurt me.
But I need to know that I'm my own person without you. I can be my own person without you--I am capable. But do I want to be?