oh man if it wasn't for complainin
i would prolly be a deaf mute. but for reals. the new roommate couldn't be more of a perfect roommate for someone as reclusive and antisocial as me. he whips in and out like a ninja...so quiet! seriously sometimes i wonder if perhaps ive just gone completely insane with cabin fever and there really is no roommate. like maybe ive been talking to my finger the whole time, like that kid in the shining.
but the thing is... he has this impenetrable forcefield of glamour and formality that makes it really hard to approach him and confirm whether or not he in fact exists. he's kind of like a male diana ross, or something. and i find myself feeling like shrek in comparison.
so he's heard several of my phonecalls now... and on the rare occasions he is not in the bedroom, whenever the phone rings he runs to the bedroom and shuts it tight! he gets this look of UH OH something uncouth is about to happen... which is in some ways amusing and others mortifying. cuz let me tell you... there is simply no tasteful way to scream IM GONNA SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH YOU TOILET LICKING MOTHERFUCKER... or even the general sentiment.
no wonder \he turns me down everytime i offer to share pizza!
im going to somehow broach the topic of him letting me take a picture of him. i swear tho, i get nervous like im bugging brangelina for an autograph...
what a problem, right? waaaah.. my roommate is too classy! boo hoo hooo...
but the thing is... he has this impenetrable forcefield of glamour and formality that makes it really hard to approach him and confirm whether or not he in fact exists. he's kind of like a male diana ross, or something. and i find myself feeling like shrek in comparison.
so he's heard several of my phonecalls now... and on the rare occasions he is not in the bedroom, whenever the phone rings he runs to the bedroom and shuts it tight! he gets this look of UH OH something uncouth is about to happen... which is in some ways amusing and others mortifying. cuz let me tell you... there is simply no tasteful way to scream IM GONNA SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH YOU TOILET LICKING MOTHERFUCKER... or even the general sentiment.
no wonder \he turns me down everytime i offer to share pizza!
im going to somehow broach the topic of him letting me take a picture of him. i swear tho, i get nervous like im bugging brangelina for an autograph...
what a problem, right? waaaah.. my roommate is too classy! boo hoo hooo...