Oh...I Fell Asleep
Over the past couple of days I have learned more and more about the human nature. Mind you, not all of it good but not completely bad.
I returned last night from a long weekend spent in Rochester to visit my dear brother. Filthy? Of course he was. Hairy? Entirely. Money Pit? Who isn't? Times like these some times I wish he'd join the priesthood. Some times. There was shopping, eating, joking, arguing, yadda-yadda-yadda. You know, the basic family stuff. It was great seeing him again after his hiatus of existence, well when it came to talking to family any-hoo. He's going through a lot of change or about to anyways. One of those changes includes him not coming home for the summer. It's not definite but it is highly probable. I knew that there was the chance that he wouldn't come home, but you know, I still hoped. Go fig, no da? We weren't really even certain if we would see him over this break but at the last minute dad gave the okay. Well now, wasn't that generous? It was and I should be more grateful, not so damned cynical. Character flaw of mine.
There have been or are going to be a lot of changes. w00t. With Kuya, he won't be here for his 21st birthday nor are we going up to see him. He's also rebelling against hygiene. When will the suffering end? With dad, he has a new part time job, a job that mom isn't supporting. Granted he'll still do the pick-ups, but now he's going to add a gun in the mix...or a whistle. I'm hoping for the tazer. Mom's making cheesecake, not really a big change but we don't have cheescake here and I'm excited about it. Overall family news, this is no surprise for you HC peeps but we're planning to move again. It's selfish of me to keep pushing for it and stupid of me to be really excited about it, but I've avidly expressed my approval of this house that dad showed us. Granted I have no freaking idea what the inside looks like but it is simply practical. It's still in Beacon Falls, however, and doesn't in any way make the trip to Fairfield any shorter but hell, if they're really going to let me go for my license, I'll learn for this place. Not that I didn't already have incentive of wanting to see peeps and not rely on my parents for transportation, but having another piece doesn't hurt. Dad likes it too but there's a very good chance that we won't get it only because it's too good for us. Dad is hoping for a two bedroom place in the current building that we're staying at; I'm really hoping there isn't one b/c this place is suffocating. I'd rather live away from creepy old dudes who watch people do their laundry or hang out at the local creamery.
*shudders*
So now as the semester comes to a close I've become more introspective and contemplative. Afraid? You should be. You plus many others have been in my thoughts and believe me when I say the observations that I've made are not expressing a lot of positive outlooks. Maybe that's very presumptious of me, but y'all know that I'm not working with a full deck right now and I'm more than likely going to base my conclusions on emotion since I'm a woman, right? Ah well. lol, oh HC peeps, I'm not too worried about y'all. Not to say that some of your attitudes don't have me concerned but you've known me longer so you'll be able to (hopefully) open up to me. Don't worry, we'll definitely hang out more. I need more of the good humored silliness that the world seems to want to suck out of us. Just to clarify, you do know that HC peeps includes you too Jamie and Mel. Not just the people that I graduated with or had the same classes with (Brooks). Have to love clarification. SHU crew however has me concerned with the individual crises and the group stability. Change happens; it's inevitable. It's good that I see the certain things that I do, the certain personality traits that appear, it helps me know how much longer I have to be friends with certain people before they start to drift away. Sad in a way. Does it hurt? Of course it does, especially when these people don't notice how they affect others. It's amazing how discrete people are about their true motives but looking in their eyes and listening to their word choice can crack through the facade. Not that I'm the perfect being of...er...perfection. Guess that's why I'm not trusted by some. Thanks to those who actually *gasp* confide in me. That's why you're rewarded with me confiding in you!
...
Okay, crappy reward. But I make fudge and you can't argue with that. :-P Now I wrote this a while ago and it's in my buddyprofile and is one of my away messages, but I feel it's one of my more astute observations:
Friends can easily be the worst enemies one can associate with. They can know you as well as family or even moreso. They see and talk to you more often than anyone else and are probably more involved with your life than your own relatives. You can tell them anything and do just about everything together. That's where the danger comes in. When the people you care for and trust the most betray you, it hurts like hell. It scars and claws at your very heart knowing they've hurt you. Why would they care if they hurt you, you're friends, right? You should be able to handle whatever damned, painful thing they do to you. Crying only makes it sweeter because it shows how weak you are. Then they can make the decision of whether they want to have such a sensitive, helpless baby as a friend, whether they want to be associated with a sniveling child. Everyone knows image is everything, so as a friend you should understand why you've been treated like crap; it's because you are. Once there's an audience and other peer influences, friendship has to take a backseat or else it will just get in the way of your friend's fun, and being a good friend, you wouldn't want to do that. Who the hell cares about how you feel, that's just plain selfish to only think aout the suffering you're going through. By now you should be grateful toward your friend for even speaking to you; I mean don't you feel the least bit thankful for someone who can constantly tell you your faults? Who could ask for a better friend?
*sigh*
People are very self-absorbed. I'm very self-absorbed. I'm probably blowing out of proportion what I've noticed and am being worked up over nothing. I haven't even really stated what I've seen but that's probably for the best. It's also the safest. On the highest chance that I'm wrong, at least I didn't ruin any relationships, friendships and otherwise. The danger lies in me actually acting on any of my impulses. Anything to further the mission, no da? I'll end with something less mind-consuming.
It is warm right now.
The Midas touch really doesn't help in a nursery.
I returned last night from a long weekend spent in Rochester to visit my dear brother. Filthy? Of course he was. Hairy? Entirely. Money Pit? Who isn't? Times like these some times I wish he'd join the priesthood. Some times. There was shopping, eating, joking, arguing, yadda-yadda-yadda. You know, the basic family stuff. It was great seeing him again after his hiatus of existence, well when it came to talking to family any-hoo. He's going through a lot of change or about to anyways. One of those changes includes him not coming home for the summer. It's not definite but it is highly probable. I knew that there was the chance that he wouldn't come home, but you know, I still hoped. Go fig, no da? We weren't really even certain if we would see him over this break but at the last minute dad gave the okay. Well now, wasn't that generous? It was and I should be more grateful, not so damned cynical. Character flaw of mine.
There have been or are going to be a lot of changes. w00t. With Kuya, he won't be here for his 21st birthday nor are we going up to see him. He's also rebelling against hygiene. When will the suffering end? With dad, he has a new part time job, a job that mom isn't supporting. Granted he'll still do the pick-ups, but now he's going to add a gun in the mix...or a whistle. I'm hoping for the tazer. Mom's making cheesecake, not really a big change but we don't have cheescake here and I'm excited about it. Overall family news, this is no surprise for you HC peeps but we're planning to move again. It's selfish of me to keep pushing for it and stupid of me to be really excited about it, but I've avidly expressed my approval of this house that dad showed us. Granted I have no freaking idea what the inside looks like but it is simply practical. It's still in Beacon Falls, however, and doesn't in any way make the trip to Fairfield any shorter but hell, if they're really going to let me go for my license, I'll learn for this place. Not that I didn't already have incentive of wanting to see peeps and not rely on my parents for transportation, but having another piece doesn't hurt. Dad likes it too but there's a very good chance that we won't get it only because it's too good for us. Dad is hoping for a two bedroom place in the current building that we're staying at; I'm really hoping there isn't one b/c this place is suffocating. I'd rather live away from creepy old dudes who watch people do their laundry or hang out at the local creamery.
*shudders*
So now as the semester comes to a close I've become more introspective and contemplative. Afraid? You should be. You plus many others have been in my thoughts and believe me when I say the observations that I've made are not expressing a lot of positive outlooks. Maybe that's very presumptious of me, but y'all know that I'm not working with a full deck right now and I'm more than likely going to base my conclusions on emotion since I'm a woman, right? Ah well. lol, oh HC peeps, I'm not too worried about y'all. Not to say that some of your attitudes don't have me concerned but you've known me longer so you'll be able to (hopefully) open up to me. Don't worry, we'll definitely hang out more. I need more of the good humored silliness that the world seems to want to suck out of us. Just to clarify, you do know that HC peeps includes you too Jamie and Mel. Not just the people that I graduated with or had the same classes with (Brooks). Have to love clarification. SHU crew however has me concerned with the individual crises and the group stability. Change happens; it's inevitable. It's good that I see the certain things that I do, the certain personality traits that appear, it helps me know how much longer I have to be friends with certain people before they start to drift away. Sad in a way. Does it hurt? Of course it does, especially when these people don't notice how they affect others. It's amazing how discrete people are about their true motives but looking in their eyes and listening to their word choice can crack through the facade. Not that I'm the perfect being of...er...perfection. Guess that's why I'm not trusted by some. Thanks to those who actually *gasp* confide in me. That's why you're rewarded with me confiding in you!
...
Okay, crappy reward. But I make fudge and you can't argue with that. :-P Now I wrote this a while ago and it's in my buddyprofile and is one of my away messages, but I feel it's one of my more astute observations:
Friends can easily be the worst enemies one can associate with. They can know you as well as family or even moreso. They see and talk to you more often than anyone else and are probably more involved with your life than your own relatives. You can tell them anything and do just about everything together. That's where the danger comes in. When the people you care for and trust the most betray you, it hurts like hell. It scars and claws at your very heart knowing they've hurt you. Why would they care if they hurt you, you're friends, right? You should be able to handle whatever damned, painful thing they do to you. Crying only makes it sweeter because it shows how weak you are. Then they can make the decision of whether they want to have such a sensitive, helpless baby as a friend, whether they want to be associated with a sniveling child. Everyone knows image is everything, so as a friend you should understand why you've been treated like crap; it's because you are. Once there's an audience and other peer influences, friendship has to take a backseat or else it will just get in the way of your friend's fun, and being a good friend, you wouldn't want to do that. Who the hell cares about how you feel, that's just plain selfish to only think aout the suffering you're going through. By now you should be grateful toward your friend for even speaking to you; I mean don't you feel the least bit thankful for someone who can constantly tell you your faults? Who could ask for a better friend?
*sigh*
People are very self-absorbed. I'm very self-absorbed. I'm probably blowing out of proportion what I've noticed and am being worked up over nothing. I haven't even really stated what I've seen but that's probably for the best. It's also the safest. On the highest chance that I'm wrong, at least I didn't ruin any relationships, friendships and otherwise. The danger lies in me actually acting on any of my impulses. Anything to further the mission, no da? I'll end with something less mind-consuming.
It is warm right now.
The Midas touch really doesn't help in a nursery.