waiting ... & triggers
My creativity is being such a diva!
I am waiting for her -- but she needs river visits, words to eat, old TV shows to download, lots of water, apple cider, mango sorbet & other iced things, sleep, showers, novels, frustration, patience, light, darkness, dreams, juice, e-mails, questionnaires, googling, desire, coffee, tea kettles, laptop scans, hairbrushes.
These are slowgoing days and I am trying to be patient and compassionate.
4.25.04:
Sluggish and thick, the air is full of memory. I realized I am a survivor of sexual assault after nine years of first pushing and beating him off me, multiple nights of saying NO, one jump out of a moving vehicle, countless nights staring at the steering wheel paralyzed and unable to get out, one mugging, two Poets Against Rape, one white aggressive man, one emotionally abusive partner. It touched deep inside to the part of me that feels numb, almost anesthetized from daily battles with the world. I feel all mixed up inside -- like tumbling and tossing through an uncomfortable hazy situation.
I am waiting for her -- but she needs river visits, words to eat, old TV shows to download, lots of water, apple cider, mango sorbet & other iced things, sleep, showers, novels, frustration, patience, light, darkness, dreams, juice, e-mails, questionnaires, googling, desire, coffee, tea kettles, laptop scans, hairbrushes.
These are slowgoing days and I am trying to be patient and compassionate.
4.25.04:
Sluggish and thick, the air is full of memory. I realized I am a survivor of sexual assault after nine years of first pushing and beating him off me, multiple nights of saying NO, one jump out of a moving vehicle, countless nights staring at the steering wheel paralyzed and unable to get out, one mugging, two Poets Against Rape, one white aggressive man, one emotionally abusive partner. It touched deep inside to the part of me that feels numb, almost anesthetized from daily battles with the world. I feel all mixed up inside -- like tumbling and tossing through an uncomfortable hazy situation.