[Super Junior] How to Manage Culture Shock, PG, Humor, Henry-centric (OT14)
For blizzard4526: your Henry-centric fic! I tried to slip in the pants part. OT14 because it's a silly love all these boys have for each other, and that I have for them. Merry Christmas, lovely! ♥ I hope you're at least amused by my retarded writing.
How to Manage Culture Shock
(Or, Henry’s Drunken Gay Terrifying Experience in Korea)
Super Junior, PG, OT14, 1500 words
Henry learns the first rule of managing culture shock: Apply alcohol. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell him the second rule: Reap the consequences.
How to Manage Culture Shock
(Or, Henry’s Drunken Gay Terrifying Experience in Korea)
by meitachi
No one had had the foresight to warn Henry about Korea’s outlook on personal space (it didn’t exist), but he had managed to overcome that eventually. It might have taken a few weeks, a couple dozen involuntary flinches away from people, and more uncomfortable situations than he would have ever liked to face (how someone as attractive to girls as Siwon could like hugging and kissing guys on the cheek was something Henry would never understand), but Henry had adjusted. He was more or less used to Korea’s…skinship tendencies now.
But this was a completely different situation.
Someone had thought a drinking party would be a good idea. Henry agreed. Drinking was good: he was familiar with drinking. People drank in Canada. He could do this, even in a country where he could barely hold a full conversation, where everyone’s English accents sounded funny to his ears. Alcohol was a universal language.
Henry realized with an inevitable sense of tragedy that he’d forgotten that people tended to be even more affectionate than normal when under the influence.
He nursed his beer-so he was underage, but who was going to tell? This wasn’t a company party-and stared in muted horror at the physical affection on display all around him. Leeteuk was laughing into Kangin’s shoulder, Kangin’s arm wrapped around his waist. Heechul was talking-arguing-with Kangin, voice loud and laugh louder, his back resting against Siwon, who looked very happy cuddling him. Siwon was listening to Hankyung stutter in Korean, sprawled on the ground alongside Kibum, hands waving distractedly in the air, one leg tangled with Kibum’s. Kibum had his head pillowed in Donghae’s lap with Donghae petting his hair while he joked with Eunhyuk and Shindong. Sungmin was doing something with the hem of Eunhyuk’s shirt and giggling uncontrollably as Kyuhyun tickled his side, with Ryeowook laughing to the side, collapsing sideways onto Yesung, who was pulling faces at Leeteuk.
The very worst part, Henry thought numbly, was that only about half of them were drunk at all. He was pretty sure he hadn’t seen Siwon, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, or Kyuhyun touch anything remotely alcoholic.
Occasionally, Leeteuk or Yesung or Kibum tried to get Henry to join in the conversation, but since he only recognized about one word in three, their attempts were not the most successful. Kibum would sometimes try to explain to him in English, but then he’d get distracted by something Heechul said-funny only in Korean-and forget to continue as he dissolved into laughter. Sometimes Hankyung would try to talk to him in Chinese, but Henry wasn’t much better off there. He still missed key words in the sentences, though he was better at getting the gist of the conversation, and everything was worse while he was drunk.
He hadn’t been this drunk before the cuddling started, he thought fuzzily to himself. But drunk was good. He could deal with these not-gay-but-touching boys much better when he was drunk. Maybe.
“Are you sure you’re not gay?” he blurted out at some point late into the party, because he was quite drunk by then and didn’t have the presence of mind for silly things like tact.
Kangin said, “I’m not gay!” while lacing his fingers with Leeteuk’s.
“Of course we’re not gay,” Yesung reassured him, but he looked like he found this statement amusing and possibly an outright lie.
“I’m pretty sure I’m straight,” added Shindong.
“I want to get married to a pretty girl one day,” Siwon said earnestly.
“I’m bisexual,” Heechul announced.
Henry squinted at him until he stopped being three people. “I mean,” he managed, “everyone else.” He was pretty sure someone as girly as Heechul didn’t count anyway.
“Actually,” Kibum said thoughtfully, “we might be kind of gay. But probably only with Koreans.”
“But he-” Henry pointed at Hankyung. “Chinese! Still-” There was a complicated hand motion here that he thought would adequately get his meaning across. “Gay,” he added helpfully when all he received were confused stares. “Lots of touching.” He pointed meaningfully at the way Hankyung had somehow gotten more entangled with Kibum and Siwon in the past few minutes, except his finger might have wavered a little and ended up closer to Donghae’s hip. He blamed the alcohol.
“We assimilate you,” Sungmin explained to him, pushing down his shirt where it’d rucked up from Kyuhyun’s tickling. He sat up and patted Henry’s thigh. “Don’t worry. One day soon you will be gay like us. But not really gay, because we’re not gay. Just kind of gay.”
Heechul threw an empty beer bottle at him. “Yah! Don’t say stupid things! We’re not gay when we’re sober!” He looked at Henry and said waspishly, “We’re only gay when we’re drunk. We’re just affectionate when we’re sober.”
“Except you,” Donghae piped up helpfully. “You’re bisexual.”
“Yes,” Heechul said, “but I’m bisexual all the time.”
Henry’s head began to hurt-well, hurt more than it already hurt from the gay-ness and the alcohol. He briefly thought about everything that had been said before deciding that thinking wasn’t his thing. Alcohol was a much better alternative. And it left him a pleasant buzzing in his head, replacing the ache.
Kangin leaned across Ryeowook to pound Henry on the back, making him almost choke. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to be gay. You can be a manly man like me.”
“A manly man,” Henry repeated, nodding. Right. That sounded good. “Except aren’t you kind of gay with Leeteuk?”
“That’s different,” Kangin said, looking sullen.
“I’m a woman,” Leeteuk explained, and then dissolved into giggles.
It was possible that this was all just a very bizarre alcohol-induced dream, Henry thought, because the pleasant buzz was still in his ear and everything was a warm, vague haze. He had a feeling he was reacting a lot better to all this physical affection now than he had earlier in the night. He wasn’t sure if he would be doing that if he weren’t dreaming-or very drunk. Henry tilted back for another long swig of his beer and remembered that, right, he was very drunk. It didn’t have to be a dream if he were very, very drunk. Everyone excused things when they were drunk. His friends back home would get a kick out of his drunken stories in Korea-everyone loved drunken stories.
Except he might not share the gay parts of the stories. Like how Kyuhyun had moved to sit beside him and was kind of stroking his thigh, murmuring something about how it was okay, he’d gone through a phase of denial too. Or how Eunhyuk and Donghae had evidently claimed parts of his back as their own to drape themselves across, wriggling their hips and making Henry think-oh, hips. They had very agile hips. They were very good dancers, the both of them.
And then Leeteuk was patting his head, fingers running through his hair, face far too close. And Sungmin smelled like something-pink, Henry didn’t know what, but he could hear Kibum’s low laughter from somewhere beyond the boys crowding around him, eliciting a pleasant warmth almost as nice as the one alcohol brought, and someone, Hankyung, said in Chinese: The Koreans, they make you gay.
Henry thought it was true, very true, but it was okay as long as he woke up in the morning not remembering any of this. Especially when Heechul drawled, “Oh Henry-sshi, what tight pants you wear. The better to peel them off.”
(“Well, this is embarrassing,” Heechul commented to no one in particular. He smirked and pushed his hair behind his ear. “For Henry, of course.”
Henry looked like he wanted to die of embarrassment. His hands flew to his crotch, hovering protectively over the split in the seam of his pants.
“I always thought those pants looked a little tight,” Yesung said, tapping his chin with a finger thoughtfully.
“Yeah! I was always amazed when he did his violin dance in those pants,” Donghae exclaimed.
Henry thought now would be a good time for the earth to swallow him up and save him from the thirteen pairs of eyes weighing on him, evaluating. Stupid Korea. Stupid tight pants. Stupid Korea and his stupid tight pants, and stupid Super Junior for suggesting a drinking party and then a dance battle, and stupid him for drinking and thinking that a dance battle was a great idea.
“Don’t worry,” said Leeteuk kindly as he helped Henry off the floor from his signature move. He took the couch pillow Ryeowook handed him and passed it on to Henry, whose face was bright red. “It happens.”
“When you’re gay,” Shindong snickered.
“I always knew you were good for Super Junior. With pants like that?” Heechul said smugly. “I’m never wrong.”
“Welcome to the Korean entertainment industry,” Siwon said with a sheepish, disarming smile.
“Welcome to endless demonstrations of gay love,” Hankyung said instead, patting him sympathetically on the arm. “You’ll grow to like it.”)
Started/Finished: 12.21.07
notes: RETARDED SRY. Poor Henry. This is how I deal with you being a Real Person (with a FB even alskfjdl augh weird).
How to Manage Culture Shock
(Or, Henry’s Drunken Gay Terrifying Experience in Korea)
Super Junior, PG, OT14, 1500 words
Henry learns the first rule of managing culture shock: Apply alcohol. Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell him the second rule: Reap the consequences.
How to Manage Culture Shock
(Or, Henry’s Drunken Gay Terrifying Experience in Korea)
by meitachi
No one had had the foresight to warn Henry about Korea’s outlook on personal space (it didn’t exist), but he had managed to overcome that eventually. It might have taken a few weeks, a couple dozen involuntary flinches away from people, and more uncomfortable situations than he would have ever liked to face (how someone as attractive to girls as Siwon could like hugging and kissing guys on the cheek was something Henry would never understand), but Henry had adjusted. He was more or less used to Korea’s…skinship tendencies now.
But this was a completely different situation.
Someone had thought a drinking party would be a good idea. Henry agreed. Drinking was good: he was familiar with drinking. People drank in Canada. He could do this, even in a country where he could barely hold a full conversation, where everyone’s English accents sounded funny to his ears. Alcohol was a universal language.
Henry realized with an inevitable sense of tragedy that he’d forgotten that people tended to be even more affectionate than normal when under the influence.
He nursed his beer-so he was underage, but who was going to tell? This wasn’t a company party-and stared in muted horror at the physical affection on display all around him. Leeteuk was laughing into Kangin’s shoulder, Kangin’s arm wrapped around his waist. Heechul was talking-arguing-with Kangin, voice loud and laugh louder, his back resting against Siwon, who looked very happy cuddling him. Siwon was listening to Hankyung stutter in Korean, sprawled on the ground alongside Kibum, hands waving distractedly in the air, one leg tangled with Kibum’s. Kibum had his head pillowed in Donghae’s lap with Donghae petting his hair while he joked with Eunhyuk and Shindong. Sungmin was doing something with the hem of Eunhyuk’s shirt and giggling uncontrollably as Kyuhyun tickled his side, with Ryeowook laughing to the side, collapsing sideways onto Yesung, who was pulling faces at Leeteuk.
The very worst part, Henry thought numbly, was that only about half of them were drunk at all. He was pretty sure he hadn’t seen Siwon, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Ryeowook, or Kyuhyun touch anything remotely alcoholic.
Occasionally, Leeteuk or Yesung or Kibum tried to get Henry to join in the conversation, but since he only recognized about one word in three, their attempts were not the most successful. Kibum would sometimes try to explain to him in English, but then he’d get distracted by something Heechul said-funny only in Korean-and forget to continue as he dissolved into laughter. Sometimes Hankyung would try to talk to him in Chinese, but Henry wasn’t much better off there. He still missed key words in the sentences, though he was better at getting the gist of the conversation, and everything was worse while he was drunk.
He hadn’t been this drunk before the cuddling started, he thought fuzzily to himself. But drunk was good. He could deal with these not-gay-but-touching boys much better when he was drunk. Maybe.
“Are you sure you’re not gay?” he blurted out at some point late into the party, because he was quite drunk by then and didn’t have the presence of mind for silly things like tact.
Kangin said, “I’m not gay!” while lacing his fingers with Leeteuk’s.
“Of course we’re not gay,” Yesung reassured him, but he looked like he found this statement amusing and possibly an outright lie.
“I’m pretty sure I’m straight,” added Shindong.
“I want to get married to a pretty girl one day,” Siwon said earnestly.
“I’m bisexual,” Heechul announced.
Henry squinted at him until he stopped being three people. “I mean,” he managed, “everyone else.” He was pretty sure someone as girly as Heechul didn’t count anyway.
“Actually,” Kibum said thoughtfully, “we might be kind of gay. But probably only with Koreans.”
“But he-” Henry pointed at Hankyung. “Chinese! Still-” There was a complicated hand motion here that he thought would adequately get his meaning across. “Gay,” he added helpfully when all he received were confused stares. “Lots of touching.” He pointed meaningfully at the way Hankyung had somehow gotten more entangled with Kibum and Siwon in the past few minutes, except his finger might have wavered a little and ended up closer to Donghae’s hip. He blamed the alcohol.
“We assimilate you,” Sungmin explained to him, pushing down his shirt where it’d rucked up from Kyuhyun’s tickling. He sat up and patted Henry’s thigh. “Don’t worry. One day soon you will be gay like us. But not really gay, because we’re not gay. Just kind of gay.”
Heechul threw an empty beer bottle at him. “Yah! Don’t say stupid things! We’re not gay when we’re sober!” He looked at Henry and said waspishly, “We’re only gay when we’re drunk. We’re just affectionate when we’re sober.”
“Except you,” Donghae piped up helpfully. “You’re bisexual.”
“Yes,” Heechul said, “but I’m bisexual all the time.”
Henry’s head began to hurt-well, hurt more than it already hurt from the gay-ness and the alcohol. He briefly thought about everything that had been said before deciding that thinking wasn’t his thing. Alcohol was a much better alternative. And it left him a pleasant buzzing in his head, replacing the ache.
Kangin leaned across Ryeowook to pound Henry on the back, making him almost choke. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to be gay. You can be a manly man like me.”
“A manly man,” Henry repeated, nodding. Right. That sounded good. “Except aren’t you kind of gay with Leeteuk?”
“That’s different,” Kangin said, looking sullen.
“I’m a woman,” Leeteuk explained, and then dissolved into giggles.
It was possible that this was all just a very bizarre alcohol-induced dream, Henry thought, because the pleasant buzz was still in his ear and everything was a warm, vague haze. He had a feeling he was reacting a lot better to all this physical affection now than he had earlier in the night. He wasn’t sure if he would be doing that if he weren’t dreaming-or very drunk. Henry tilted back for another long swig of his beer and remembered that, right, he was very drunk. It didn’t have to be a dream if he were very, very drunk. Everyone excused things when they were drunk. His friends back home would get a kick out of his drunken stories in Korea-everyone loved drunken stories.
Except he might not share the gay parts of the stories. Like how Kyuhyun had moved to sit beside him and was kind of stroking his thigh, murmuring something about how it was okay, he’d gone through a phase of denial too. Or how Eunhyuk and Donghae had evidently claimed parts of his back as their own to drape themselves across, wriggling their hips and making Henry think-oh, hips. They had very agile hips. They were very good dancers, the both of them.
And then Leeteuk was patting his head, fingers running through his hair, face far too close. And Sungmin smelled like something-pink, Henry didn’t know what, but he could hear Kibum’s low laughter from somewhere beyond the boys crowding around him, eliciting a pleasant warmth almost as nice as the one alcohol brought, and someone, Hankyung, said in Chinese: The Koreans, they make you gay.
Henry thought it was true, very true, but it was okay as long as he woke up in the morning not remembering any of this. Especially when Heechul drawled, “Oh Henry-sshi, what tight pants you wear. The better to peel them off.”
(“Well, this is embarrassing,” Heechul commented to no one in particular. He smirked and pushed his hair behind his ear. “For Henry, of course.”
Henry looked like he wanted to die of embarrassment. His hands flew to his crotch, hovering protectively over the split in the seam of his pants.
“I always thought those pants looked a little tight,” Yesung said, tapping his chin with a finger thoughtfully.
“Yeah! I was always amazed when he did his violin dance in those pants,” Donghae exclaimed.
Henry thought now would be a good time for the earth to swallow him up and save him from the thirteen pairs of eyes weighing on him, evaluating. Stupid Korea. Stupid tight pants. Stupid Korea and his stupid tight pants, and stupid Super Junior for suggesting a drinking party and then a dance battle, and stupid him for drinking and thinking that a dance battle was a great idea.
“Don’t worry,” said Leeteuk kindly as he helped Henry off the floor from his signature move. He took the couch pillow Ryeowook handed him and passed it on to Henry, whose face was bright red. “It happens.”
“When you’re gay,” Shindong snickered.
“I always knew you were good for Super Junior. With pants like that?” Heechul said smugly. “I’m never wrong.”
“Welcome to the Korean entertainment industry,” Siwon said with a sheepish, disarming smile.
“Welcome to endless demonstrations of gay love,” Hankyung said instead, patting him sympathetically on the arm. “You’ll grow to like it.”)
Started/Finished: 12.21.07
notes: RETARDED SRY. Poor Henry. This is how I deal with you being a Real Person (with a FB even alskfjdl augh weird).