Yay, I'm glad you liked the Henry & Donghae AU! Here is Qmi angst. I hope it is angsty enough!
He thought about what it would've been like, if he'd said yes. If he hadn't said anything, but had let Zhou Mi take his hand instead of drawing away.
It was easy to picture in his head: they had practically been there already, a close friendship he had never expected and a warm presence so willingly at his side. All it would've taken was a yes instead of a no, leaning forward instead of leaning back, a brush of lips rather than a kiss of air.
It could've been easy, the easiest thing Kyuhyun had ever done.
Then it would've gotten hard, though, inevitably. How would he have ever explained to his parents? How could he do that to the other members? He imagined the accusatory stares; worse, the disgusted ones. The lengthening silences would haunt his dreams, damning. Could he ever face his church again? It wasn't like they could ever be married. What a waste it would be, to throw away his career, his future -- his world as he knew it.
It would be ugly; the fans would be hateful. His mother would never be able to hold up her head again. When he looked Zhou Mi's smile, so wide and so bright, he saw in his mind the sheen of tears in his mother's eyes if he said yes.
So he said no.
He was a good Christian boy raised by a loving family he owed so much to, so he said no. He wouldn't jeopardize the group. He wouldn't betray the fans. He wouldn't sacrifice himself, and that was okay, wasn't it?
In the grand scheme of things, Zhou Mi was only one person. The good of the whole versus the good of one, after all, made his choice only sensible.
Zhou Mi went solo in Taiwan the year Kyuhyun enlisted in the army. Before he left, they had dinner, and Zhou Mi smiled at him with a hundred thousand words and wishes locked behind his eyes. Kyuhyun knew he wouldn't voice them. That was the thing with someone who loved you so well: they wouldn't ask the impossible from you.
Zhou Mi never said, "Will you?"
He said, "I understand."
He said, "I'll miss you, Kyuhyun."
His lips were gentle on Kyuhyun's cheek when they said goodbye.
Kyuhyun said no, but it had always been to his own question. He wondered if he'd spend the rest of his life telling himself it had been the right answer.
He thought about what it would've been like, if he'd said yes. If he hadn't said anything, but had let Zhou Mi take his hand instead of drawing away.
It was easy to picture in his head: they had practically been there already, a close friendship he had never expected and a warm presence so willingly at his side. All it would've taken was a yes instead of a no, leaning forward instead of leaning back, a brush of lips rather than a kiss of air.
It could've been easy, the easiest thing Kyuhyun had ever done.
Then it would've gotten hard, though, inevitably. How would he have ever explained to his parents? How could he do that to the other members? He imagined the accusatory stares; worse, the disgusted ones. The lengthening silences would haunt his dreams, damning. Could he ever face his church again? It wasn't like they could ever be married. What a waste it would be, to throw away his career, his future -- his world as he knew it.
It would be ugly; the fans would be hateful. His mother would never be able to hold up her head again. When he looked Zhou Mi's smile, so wide and so bright, he saw in his mind the sheen of tears in his mother's eyes if he said yes.
So he said no.
He was a good Christian boy raised by a loving family he owed so much to, so he said no. He wouldn't jeopardize the group. He wouldn't betray the fans. He wouldn't sacrifice himself, and that was okay, wasn't it?
In the grand scheme of things, Zhou Mi was only one person. The good of the whole versus the good of one, after all, made his choice only sensible.
Zhou Mi went solo in Taiwan the year Kyuhyun enlisted in the army. Before he left, they had dinner, and Zhou Mi smiled at him with a hundred thousand words and wishes locked behind his eyes. Kyuhyun knew he wouldn't voice them. That was the thing with someone who loved you so well: they wouldn't ask the impossible from you.
Zhou Mi never said, "Will you?"
He said, "I understand."
He said, "I'll miss you, Kyuhyun."
His lips were gentle on Kyuhyun's cheek when they said goodbye.
Kyuhyun said no, but it had always been to his own question. He wondered if he'd spend the rest of his life telling himself it had been the right answer.
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