[Super Junior] 5 Times Siwon Has Sworn Out Loud..., PG, Humor/Crack, SJM OT7
This turned out pretty cracky, except for one random scene. It's all inexplicable to me. I'm pretty sure most of these are recycled fandom in-jokes or something. XD Is it obvious I'm burning out at this writing thing yet? Well, SJM is lulz, and lulz are good. I love SJM best! Kat, I hope you like iiit.
{07/12} CHRISTMAS REQUESTS
for hyperballad ♥
5 Times Siwon Has Sworn Out Loud + 1 Time Ryeowook Did Too!
Super Junior (M), OT7, PG, 1670 words
In which being in SJM is apparently very hazardous to your health.
(1)
Hankyung was nearly tearing his hair out. "What do you mean, we lost Donghae?"
Ryeowook looked tiny and petrified in front of him. "He wasn't in the van. Manager-hyung just called to ask if we'd seen him... I thought he was with Henry!"
"I thought he was with Zhou Mi!"
"I was with Kyuhyun, I thought he was with Siwon!"
Siwon slapped a hand over his face. "Shit. Well, hyung, at least his Chinese is a lot better than last year... He should be able to find a phone or something." He dropped his hand to look worriedly at Hankyung and found, to his surprise, that everyone was staring at him. "What?"
"Did you just swear?" Ryeowook asked, eyes wide.
"Holy crap!" Henry burst out in English.
"This is the first time I've heard Siwon swear..." Zhou Mi looked shocked.
Siwon's brows executed a complicated maneuver before drawing together. He put out his hands, palms up, in a pleading gesture. "Can we please focus on the issue here? We lost Donghae!"
"Oh, right," said Hankyung, blinking. He resumed tearing at his hair. "Oh god, how the hell did this happen? Can we put a leash on him? I'm too old for this - my nerves can't take it." He collapsed into the chair Kyuhyun thoughtfully pushed in his direction, Ryeowook went into the kitchen to make some chamomile tea, and Siwon's slip of tongue was quickly forgotten.
(They eventually did recover Donghae, who had charmed two store attendants, a grandmother, and a taxi driver on his journey back to the hotel. Thank god they all carried the hotel's address in their wallet.)
(2)
Zhou Mi looked exhausted and like he was not having that much fun. "A-Are we done yet?" he panted at Kyuhyun, hands on his knees.
To be honest, Kyuhyun was not having that much fun either. Though he prided himself on being manlier than Zhou Mi (it wasn't hard), he much preferred shooting things on a computer screen to running around a gigantic soccer field and sweating way, way too much. He did enough of the sweating for his job, thanks. In his free time, some sedentary pastimes would be nice.
It didn't help that the rest of the group, save Ryeowook, were crazy competitive.
"What's the matter with them?" Ryeowook wanted to know. "It's just a game!" He did not all that fond of his job as the goalie, but since Siwon and Donghae were on his team, most of the action was centered on the other end of the field, where poor Henry's every blocking skill was being sorely tested.
"They're all bent around the head," Kyuhyun grumbled unkindly.
Suddenly the action headed towards them. Somehow, Hankyung had stolen the ball away from both Siwon and Donghae on his own - since Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were not being of much help - and was dribbling fast and straight towards Ryeowook.
"Oh no," said Ryeowook.
"Sorry, we kind of want him to score," said Kyuhyun.
Shockingly, Hankyung managed to keep away from Donghae's last second swipe and kicked the ball directly into the top-left corner of the goal. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi stared in disbelief as Hankyung raised his arms in victory.
Behind them, Henry was jumping up and down and screaming in joy at the goal.
"What the fuck," Donghae swore.
"Shit," said Siwon as Ryeowook chased down the ball. He slapped Hankyung on the shoulder. "Good shot." Kyuhyun wasn't sure how sincere it was, but Siwon was smiling nonetheless.
"That's the second time I've heard Siwon swear," Zhou Mi whispered to him. "Also, do you think we can stop if I pretend to get hurt the next time Donghae comes at me? He kicks hard."
It turned out that he didn't need to fake the injury. Kyuhyun winced as Zhou Mi tumbled to the ground with a loud cry, Donghae bent over him with frantic apologies.
(3)
"Would you rather make out with Jessica or Krystal?"
"Would you rather make out with Jessica or Krystal?"
Henry grinned expectantly at Donghae as Siwon repeated the question with a resigned expression on his face. Donghae slapped at the table. "That's not a fair question!" he protested.
"You have to answer," Hankyung sang, because he was a terrible influence and a great leader - that Siwon was going to kill. "No changing the rules now, Donghae. We have another half hour to kill before they're ready for us."
Being stuck in a greenroom had never been so fun; they should play these games all the time. Henry made a kissy face at Donghae. "Yeah, so which?"
Siwon echoed, "Yeah, so which?"
Donghae wriggled in his chair. "Jessica, of course! Krystal's, like, twelve. That's just gross."
"I thought you liked them young, hyung." Kyuhyun's smirk was devilish. "You were professing your love Kibum when he was pretty young, weren't you?"
Henry nearly fell off his chair laughing at Donghae's expression. "That's different!" he hollered. "He's my dongsaeng."
"He's a guy," Kyuhyun murmured slyly under his breath to Zhou Mi. "We all know which way hyung swings now, don't we?"
"Shit," gasped Henry, wrapping his arms around his middle as he gasped for breath.
Ryeowook, of all people, prodded Siwon with a sweet smile. "You have to repeat that."
"But-"
"Your punishment for not answering the earlier question," Hankyung said, shaking a finger at him. "You didn't let me out of my punishment! You have to do yours."
Siwon's brows were displeased. "Shit," he mouthed, practically silently.
"That's only the third time I've heard Siwon swear," Zhou Mi reported sunnily.
Kyuhyun grinned. "We'll work on that."
"It doesn't count!" Siwon protested, waving his hands. "It doesn't count! I had to repeat what Henry was saying-"
"Hey! You can only repeat after me. That was breaking the rules! New punishment!"
Siwon groaned. He had a feeling he wouldn't enjoy the next half hour.
(4)
Sometimes, accidents happened. Siwon's hand slipped on the weight he had been switching out for a heavier one and it fell on his foot.
"Shit," he yelped in pain.
As Ryeowook rushed to get him ice and a doctor and Hankyung rushed to check the extent of the damage - "crap, can you still dance, Siwon? I mean, as much as you usually can" - Zhou Mi slowed his pace on the treadmill and glanced at Donghae, standing beside the machine with a towel around his shoulders.
"Fourth time," he mouthed and Donghae snickered quietly into his water bottle.
(5)
Other times, it was harder than they realized. Hankyung hung up the phone after a long conversation with his mom and found Zhou Mi, who looked horrified to see tears in his eyes. He sat next to him immediately, an arm over his shoulders. "Ge, are you okay? Do you want to talk?"
Hankyung didn't know how to tell Zhou Mi how grateful he was for his presence. It meant Hankyung could talk about his frustrations, his fears, in the only language that felt natural to him. He could finally express himself fully, because he knew the right words, and Zhou Mi understood them all.
"I'm going to miss her birthday," he said. "It makes me feel like such a bad son. I want to succeed - to make her proud, so she can be happy and healthy. But what is all this work if I can't even be with her on her birthday?"
Zhou Mi squeezed him close and murmured comforting things.
Siwon walked into the room and saw Hankyung's tear-stained face. "Shit," he said softly. "I. Sorry. I'll-" He backed out again. But when Hankyung saw him next, he enveloped Hankyung in a tight hug. "Hyung, we'll make time to go see her, okay? You can call her. I bet we could even set up a webcam."
Hankyung laughed softly because he was sure his mother wouldn't have the faintest idea how to work a webcam, but he pulled Siwon closer. He was eternally grateful for Zhou Mi but sometimes Siwon reminded him that years of knowing someone could transcend language barriers.
"Thanks," he said in Chinese, and Siwon smiled.
(+1)
"Shit, the kitchen is on fire!" Siwon exclaimed as ran into the living room, eyes darting from side to side. "Do we have a fire extinguisher?"
Ryeowook's mouth dropped. "What?" he shrieked. "What were you doing in there?"
"It wasn't my fault!" Donghae yelled from his room. "Whatever it is."
Zhou Mi stopped leaning over Kyuhyun's chair and trying to sabotage his game of Starcraft. "Oh crap," he said, "should I call 119?"
Hankyung ran into the hall, grabbed a fire extinguisher, and ran back into the kitchen. There was a hiss...and then there was silence.
Siwon and Ryeowook peeked into the kitchen - which was a mess. Primarily from the half-cut vegetables and a mess of peels in the sink, but also from the foam covering the stovetop. Hankyung looked furious, clutching the fire extinguisher like a lifeline.
His fury couldn't match Ryeowook's outrage as he took in his - his, dammit, because he was the only one who ever cooked and for good reason - destroyed kitchen.
"What the flying motherfucking hell did you think you were doing?" he demanded, glowering at Siwon with his hands on his hips.
Siwon looked pathetically apologetic. He wrung his hands. "I just wanted to make some soup. For you. Since you always work so hard."
Ryeowook deflated slightly. "Oh hyung..."
"I'm going to have a heart attack and I'm going to throttle you," Hankyung threatened. Then he whimpered, "I need a sit-down."
Zhou Mi didn't know whether to laugh or to be horrified. "Well, that's the first time I've heard Ryeowook swear." He paused. "And he's much more creative with his curses than Siwon."
Henry and Donghae emerged from Donghae's room fifteen minutes later, where they'd apparently been attempting to mix music for Donghae's next dance solo. They surveyed the chaos with strangely solemn expressions. Then Henry said, "So we're going out to eat tonight, right?"
--
Started/Finished: 2009.12.29
{07/12} CHRISTMAS REQUESTS
for hyperballad ♥
5 Times Siwon Has Sworn Out Loud + 1 Time Ryeowook Did Too!
Super Junior (M), OT7, PG, 1670 words
In which being in SJM is apparently very hazardous to your health.
(1)
Hankyung was nearly tearing his hair out. "What do you mean, we lost Donghae?"
Ryeowook looked tiny and petrified in front of him. "He wasn't in the van. Manager-hyung just called to ask if we'd seen him... I thought he was with Henry!"
"I thought he was with Zhou Mi!"
"I was with Kyuhyun, I thought he was with Siwon!"
Siwon slapped a hand over his face. "Shit. Well, hyung, at least his Chinese is a lot better than last year... He should be able to find a phone or something." He dropped his hand to look worriedly at Hankyung and found, to his surprise, that everyone was staring at him. "What?"
"Did you just swear?" Ryeowook asked, eyes wide.
"Holy crap!" Henry burst out in English.
"This is the first time I've heard Siwon swear..." Zhou Mi looked shocked.
Siwon's brows executed a complicated maneuver before drawing together. He put out his hands, palms up, in a pleading gesture. "Can we please focus on the issue here? We lost Donghae!"
"Oh, right," said Hankyung, blinking. He resumed tearing at his hair. "Oh god, how the hell did this happen? Can we put a leash on him? I'm too old for this - my nerves can't take it." He collapsed into the chair Kyuhyun thoughtfully pushed in his direction, Ryeowook went into the kitchen to make some chamomile tea, and Siwon's slip of tongue was quickly forgotten.
(They eventually did recover Donghae, who had charmed two store attendants, a grandmother, and a taxi driver on his journey back to the hotel. Thank god they all carried the hotel's address in their wallet.)
(2)
Zhou Mi looked exhausted and like he was not having that much fun. "A-Are we done yet?" he panted at Kyuhyun, hands on his knees.
To be honest, Kyuhyun was not having that much fun either. Though he prided himself on being manlier than Zhou Mi (it wasn't hard), he much preferred shooting things on a computer screen to running around a gigantic soccer field and sweating way, way too much. He did enough of the sweating for his job, thanks. In his free time, some sedentary pastimes would be nice.
It didn't help that the rest of the group, save Ryeowook, were crazy competitive.
"What's the matter with them?" Ryeowook wanted to know. "It's just a game!" He did not all that fond of his job as the goalie, but since Siwon and Donghae were on his team, most of the action was centered on the other end of the field, where poor Henry's every blocking skill was being sorely tested.
"They're all bent around the head," Kyuhyun grumbled unkindly.
Suddenly the action headed towards them. Somehow, Hankyung had stolen the ball away from both Siwon and Donghae on his own - since Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi were not being of much help - and was dribbling fast and straight towards Ryeowook.
"Oh no," said Ryeowook.
"Sorry, we kind of want him to score," said Kyuhyun.
Shockingly, Hankyung managed to keep away from Donghae's last second swipe and kicked the ball directly into the top-left corner of the goal. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi stared in disbelief as Hankyung raised his arms in victory.
Behind them, Henry was jumping up and down and screaming in joy at the goal.
"What the fuck," Donghae swore.
"Shit," said Siwon as Ryeowook chased down the ball. He slapped Hankyung on the shoulder. "Good shot." Kyuhyun wasn't sure how sincere it was, but Siwon was smiling nonetheless.
"That's the second time I've heard Siwon swear," Zhou Mi whispered to him. "Also, do you think we can stop if I pretend to get hurt the next time Donghae comes at me? He kicks hard."
It turned out that he didn't need to fake the injury. Kyuhyun winced as Zhou Mi tumbled to the ground with a loud cry, Donghae bent over him with frantic apologies.
(3)
"Would you rather make out with Jessica or Krystal?"
"Would you rather make out with Jessica or Krystal?"
Henry grinned expectantly at Donghae as Siwon repeated the question with a resigned expression on his face. Donghae slapped at the table. "That's not a fair question!" he protested.
"You have to answer," Hankyung sang, because he was a terrible influence and a great leader - that Siwon was going to kill. "No changing the rules now, Donghae. We have another half hour to kill before they're ready for us."
Being stuck in a greenroom had never been so fun; they should play these games all the time. Henry made a kissy face at Donghae. "Yeah, so which?"
Siwon echoed, "Yeah, so which?"
Donghae wriggled in his chair. "Jessica, of course! Krystal's, like, twelve. That's just gross."
"I thought you liked them young, hyung." Kyuhyun's smirk was devilish. "You were professing your love Kibum when he was pretty young, weren't you?"
Henry nearly fell off his chair laughing at Donghae's expression. "That's different!" he hollered. "He's my dongsaeng."
"He's a guy," Kyuhyun murmured slyly under his breath to Zhou Mi. "We all know which way hyung swings now, don't we?"
"Shit," gasped Henry, wrapping his arms around his middle as he gasped for breath.
Ryeowook, of all people, prodded Siwon with a sweet smile. "You have to repeat that."
"But-"
"Your punishment for not answering the earlier question," Hankyung said, shaking a finger at him. "You didn't let me out of my punishment! You have to do yours."
Siwon's brows were displeased. "Shit," he mouthed, practically silently.
"That's only the third time I've heard Siwon swear," Zhou Mi reported sunnily.
Kyuhyun grinned. "We'll work on that."
"It doesn't count!" Siwon protested, waving his hands. "It doesn't count! I had to repeat what Henry was saying-"
"Hey! You can only repeat after me. That was breaking the rules! New punishment!"
Siwon groaned. He had a feeling he wouldn't enjoy the next half hour.
(4)
Sometimes, accidents happened. Siwon's hand slipped on the weight he had been switching out for a heavier one and it fell on his foot.
"Shit," he yelped in pain.
As Ryeowook rushed to get him ice and a doctor and Hankyung rushed to check the extent of the damage - "crap, can you still dance, Siwon? I mean, as much as you usually can" - Zhou Mi slowed his pace on the treadmill and glanced at Donghae, standing beside the machine with a towel around his shoulders.
"Fourth time," he mouthed and Donghae snickered quietly into his water bottle.
(5)
Other times, it was harder than they realized. Hankyung hung up the phone after a long conversation with his mom and found Zhou Mi, who looked horrified to see tears in his eyes. He sat next to him immediately, an arm over his shoulders. "Ge, are you okay? Do you want to talk?"
Hankyung didn't know how to tell Zhou Mi how grateful he was for his presence. It meant Hankyung could talk about his frustrations, his fears, in the only language that felt natural to him. He could finally express himself fully, because he knew the right words, and Zhou Mi understood them all.
"I'm going to miss her birthday," he said. "It makes me feel like such a bad son. I want to succeed - to make her proud, so she can be happy and healthy. But what is all this work if I can't even be with her on her birthday?"
Zhou Mi squeezed him close and murmured comforting things.
Siwon walked into the room and saw Hankyung's tear-stained face. "Shit," he said softly. "I. Sorry. I'll-" He backed out again. But when Hankyung saw him next, he enveloped Hankyung in a tight hug. "Hyung, we'll make time to go see her, okay? You can call her. I bet we could even set up a webcam."
Hankyung laughed softly because he was sure his mother wouldn't have the faintest idea how to work a webcam, but he pulled Siwon closer. He was eternally grateful for Zhou Mi but sometimes Siwon reminded him that years of knowing someone could transcend language barriers.
"Thanks," he said in Chinese, and Siwon smiled.
(+1)
"Shit, the kitchen is on fire!" Siwon exclaimed as ran into the living room, eyes darting from side to side. "Do we have a fire extinguisher?"
Ryeowook's mouth dropped. "What?" he shrieked. "What were you doing in there?"
"It wasn't my fault!" Donghae yelled from his room. "Whatever it is."
Zhou Mi stopped leaning over Kyuhyun's chair and trying to sabotage his game of Starcraft. "Oh crap," he said, "should I call 119?"
Hankyung ran into the hall, grabbed a fire extinguisher, and ran back into the kitchen. There was a hiss...and then there was silence.
Siwon and Ryeowook peeked into the kitchen - which was a mess. Primarily from the half-cut vegetables and a mess of peels in the sink, but also from the foam covering the stovetop. Hankyung looked furious, clutching the fire extinguisher like a lifeline.
His fury couldn't match Ryeowook's outrage as he took in his - his, dammit, because he was the only one who ever cooked and for good reason - destroyed kitchen.
"What the flying motherfucking hell did you think you were doing?" he demanded, glowering at Siwon with his hands on his hips.
Siwon looked pathetically apologetic. He wrung his hands. "I just wanted to make some soup. For you. Since you always work so hard."
Ryeowook deflated slightly. "Oh hyung..."
"I'm going to have a heart attack and I'm going to throttle you," Hankyung threatened. Then he whimpered, "I need a sit-down."
Zhou Mi didn't know whether to laugh or to be horrified. "Well, that's the first time I've heard Ryeowook swear." He paused. "And he's much more creative with his curses than Siwon."
Henry and Donghae emerged from Donghae's room fifteen minutes later, where they'd apparently been attempting to mix music for Donghae's next dance solo. They surveyed the chaos with strangely solemn expressions. Then Henry said, "So we're going out to eat tonight, right?"
--
Started/Finished: 2009.12.29