(no subject)
Sometimes I feel all professional and I want to go the extra mile. I want everything in it's place because it makes me feel superior than everyone else. Other times I feel like I can't move. Like I'm so lazy and fat that I don't even deserve to have a name. My name, what is it? what does it mean? When people say it, sometimes I don't recognize it or the fact that they are talking to me. Why does my name seem foreign to me?
I'm not sad, I just need to move on, drastically. I feel the ache inside of me that yells I don't belong here. So where is it I do belong? It's so weird now thinking about all the possibilities ahead of me- where to go next? I know - Iowa City will be coming up... but I will have so many options in front of me.... so many chances to be without my mom and make my own mistakes without someone breathing down my neck about how it was the wrong choice. Is it wrong to have this love/hate relationship with your mom? Somedays I wish she would just disappear and other days I want nothing more than to be a little girl again and crawl into bed with her. She had this picture of a little girl and her mother snuggling and it was just reassuring to look up at.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Mostly, just random thoughts and ramblings because I really don't know how I feel anymore. These blue walls are suffocating and I really do get tired of looking at the same scenery every day.
I'm not sad, I just need to move on, drastically. I feel the ache inside of me that yells I don't belong here. So where is it I do belong? It's so weird now thinking about all the possibilities ahead of me- where to go next? I know - Iowa City will be coming up... but I will have so many options in front of me.... so many chances to be without my mom and make my own mistakes without someone breathing down my neck about how it was the wrong choice. Is it wrong to have this love/hate relationship with your mom? Somedays I wish she would just disappear and other days I want nothing more than to be a little girl again and crawl into bed with her. She had this picture of a little girl and her mother snuggling and it was just reassuring to look up at.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Mostly, just random thoughts and ramblings because I really don't know how I feel anymore. These blue walls are suffocating and I really do get tired of looking at the same scenery every day.