Paris to hell
I miss home. I miss Enoki, I miss feeling at ease. I'm sick of lugging my luggage around because I can't settled down somewhere, I'm sick of feeling bad about my 'eccentricities' (which apparently include that i get up and go to the bathroom early in the morning, i'm not proper and i talk loud and fast), i'm sick of proper european girls that i never understand. so i just had a 'talk' with alex about the living situation. basically i pissed off his girlfriend majorly during the first night i was here because i didn't know that even walking around one step in the next room would wake her up and fuck up all her day. i spent the second day in paris calling around for hostels, and ended up taking a private room in the hostel i'm staying right now in order to switch to dorm rooms in the next nights, w hich i did. i thought i would run out of funds during my last two nights here since i DID pay for a private room and i didn't even budget in hostel costs when i planned for this trip, so i told alex that i'll go back to his house for my last two nights here, thinking that if it's just two nights she probably wouldn't think it was such a big deal. The two nights soon became one night (tomorrow night), cos i realized i have more money than i thought and i should stay in the hostel as long as i could. Well, nope, apparently miss claire has been stressed out ALL THIS WEEK because i was going to go back her apartment and she thought she's gonna be kept up for two nights again. Serious, after the cold look she gave me on weds morning and the cold shoulders this whole time (exhibited by her refusal to speak english in front of me), did she really think that i'm gonna try to move at all while staying there except lying in my bed? my cough got worse after arriving paris, all i did was i put a glass of water on the table, got off my bed, took two steps to the table to drink water when i cough. all this time while switching on the bedside table. apparently THAT woke her up too, desipte there's a wall and a door between us. i moved out right away and that wasn't enough, she's STILL remembering it. fuck i thought *I* am a light sleeper, but i've been sleeping like a baby (10 hours at one point) every night at the hostel. probably cos i was imagining i would be doing all these fun things with them while i'm here, none of those happened and it took me awhile to adjust my expectations. since we got off the wrong foot, apparently all these little things i did became a sign of 'i'm not normal,' and i couldn't believe it when alex recounted it to me. i was trying to stay out of her way and she thinks of it as rudeness. fuck, now at least i'm not seeing her again when i'm here, but it's been become hard for me to be friends with alex anymore because i can't believe he too takes her side and the view that I AM NOT NORMAL. it's ironic how we even had a good discussion about why i find north america much more tolerant and i would never want to live in europe. all my friends know what kind of person i am, normal or not, but no one would point out in a way that makes it seem like it's wrong. fuck now i wish i hadn't talked about this with him at all, cos i was finally feeling much better today after the low point of feeling utterly alone yesterday afternoon. paris was so much mroe fun when enjoyed with another person, and friday with sofi and arnaud/wife demonstrated that. it was hard going back to travelling alone and realizing actually your friend won't be able to spend that much time with you because his girlfriend officially hates you. i noticed that apparently not many people come to paris alone, even in the hostel, everyone was in groups, because how are you going to all these cool/chic restaurants/cafes on your own, what you end up is getting creepy old men following you into the metro.