looking to fil this whole
God, I just stay busy all the time...work or just hanging out with some friends... I am constantly doing something. I have felt so weird this past week.. I have had heroin on the brain. My good old friend boy! I have brought it up to a few of my friends a couple times, I wnat to talk about ti becasue I am scared I'm going to do something stupid.. But everyone seems uninterested in listening to me about it. I am having cravings like fucking cray....I dream about it I can smell it.....God, I fucking want it so bad sometimes it hurts! I wish I could jsut make that Feeling go away. I wish I had never touched that shit in my life. I miss that feeling, The high. It was like touching god, it was like I had found everything I had ever been missing from my life in one tiny moment. But when I am all doped out of my mind I ruin my life. I do horribel stupid things and then I cant function anymore. But god, If I could still go to work and pay my bills and shoot dope, I would hesitate to do it. (ver sick, I know ).
My heart is still acheing. I hate that I see him everyday, but I love it too! I hate feelign less than, that I didnt make the fucking cut. Trying to figure out if there was something I should ahve done differnt. What could I have said to change his mind>? What could I have done? I keep asking yself I want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me anyway? I deserve more than that, Dont I? Its just fucked up, you meet someone who appears to everythign you could ever want in a person and more and you are rejected. Now you have this person as a comparison for anyone else you will ever meet.....I am scare no one will ever be able to measure up. Waht then? do You settle for less? Good, god I am fucking tired....I need to shut my damn brain off and get some sleep.
My heart is still acheing. I hate that I see him everyday, but I love it too! I hate feelign less than, that I didnt make the fucking cut. Trying to figure out if there was something I should ahve done differnt. What could I have said to change his mind>? What could I have done? I keep asking yself I want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me anyway? I deserve more than that, Dont I? Its just fucked up, you meet someone who appears to everythign you could ever want in a person and more and you are rejected. Now you have this person as a comparison for anyone else you will ever meet.....I am scare no one will ever be able to measure up. Waht then? do You settle for less? Good, god I am fucking tired....I need to shut my damn brain off and get some sleep.