well oh well
Technically, I'm entering the first hour of Christmas Eve, wide awake and ready to do business.
Alot of things have changed since last post, and by changed, I mean they've changed back to normal. The only things on my mind are not-so-important things, like work I've missed and the tests I have to make up. Essentially. I am. A vegetable again. Congratulations to me.
Or not so much. Negative thoughts still come and go, but I just have one startling, probably lasting piece of news I'd like to give to myself before I truly become immersed in nothing but work: You are alone. That's right me, you are an island. No shrink, no counselor, no pastor, parent, sibling or friend would know what you talk about or actually mean. That's because they aren't with you. Or remotely around you. You exist in your own little world and you like it that way. You sure as hell like it that way. Your mirror is like another television and every waking moment in front of it is an opportunity to live out a memorable scene in the silver screen hall of fame. You know what I mean. You act out your every move, regardless of whether you are with someone or alone, and you compose yourself according to how you would look better in a camera. You pretend like people are watching you with the same attentiveness with which you do, because it's comforting to know you have your very own audience. Well, you should really know that you have no audience. No one will ever know what you are thinking, and no one cares if you continue this charade or not. No real person anyways. Since you seem to treat your life like one big goddamned movie, which person who isn't in it really cares?
Alone. No one watches me. And I don't give a fuck.
Alot of things have changed since last post, and by changed, I mean they've changed back to normal. The only things on my mind are not-so-important things, like work I've missed and the tests I have to make up. Essentially. I am. A vegetable again. Congratulations to me.
Or not so much. Negative thoughts still come and go, but I just have one startling, probably lasting piece of news I'd like to give to myself before I truly become immersed in nothing but work: You are alone. That's right me, you are an island. No shrink, no counselor, no pastor, parent, sibling or friend would know what you talk about or actually mean. That's because they aren't with you. Or remotely around you. You exist in your own little world and you like it that way. You sure as hell like it that way. Your mirror is like another television and every waking moment in front of it is an opportunity to live out a memorable scene in the silver screen hall of fame. You know what I mean. You act out your every move, regardless of whether you are with someone or alone, and you compose yourself according to how you would look better in a camera. You pretend like people are watching you with the same attentiveness with which you do, because it's comforting to know you have your very own audience. Well, you should really know that you have no audience. No one will ever know what you are thinking, and no one cares if you continue this charade or not. No real person anyways. Since you seem to treat your life like one big goddamned movie, which person who isn't in it really cares?
Alone. No one watches me. And I don't give a fuck.