A Summary of 2006, a bit of 2005.
2006. Wow. I have 4 words to say about it:
THANK GOD IT'S OVER.
Sure, there were some good things about it.
The beginning of the year was awesome. For multiple reasons, including:
-"Tom Jones"
-Accepted by USC
-My wonderful, loving, then-boyfriend, Rhys
-Friends
-Graduation
-Missing Prom, but Rhys throwing me one
-London with my family and Rhys
And, my final decision to attend USC was well worth it. I LOVE it there. LOVE IT. I'm a completely different person there than in Kingwood. I'm the outgoing, obnoxious, noisy one that's always up for a party and always has the guts to do anything. I have tons of friends, I'm comfortable and confident, yadda yadda yadda.
But I need to face the fact that this year pretty much sucked for other reasons.
This was dominated by my relationship with Rhys, which I will now narrarate in great detail (which means you should probably skip this part unless you're interested).
Rhys and I were never supposed to be together, but it just sort of happened. There were always problems. Always.
I liked Rhys my junior year. But of course, all the girls liked him. We started to get close during "The Miser" and I thought we would start dating soon. We would hang out alot. I was so excited when he came to my 17th birthday, and one of his sisters told me all the effort he had put into making and getting my gift. We had jokes about our favorite animals and I ended up with the name "Unicorn Princess," so for my birthday he got me a unicorn and made a crown for it.
I was so excited, but I was really busy during my party. One of my "friends" ended up flirting with him the entire party, while she knew I liked him, and asked him out that night. He said yes, and right when he left, she asked if she could kiss him, and they kissed right in front of me. I was deeply upset.
I shoved Rhys in the back of my brain, and ended up having a thing with another guy. Lol. It was pretty meaningless though, and we broke up after 3 months.
In the spring of junior year, someone in my family became really depressed. Like, suicide attempts and everything, the works. It was one of the worst experiences in my life, and pretty much shattered any faith I had in people. Rhys and I were still friends (after he had broken up with my "friend") and for some reason I found it really easy to talk to him about anything. So, he really helped me through this. It was hard juggling this when no one else was there for me. I acted normal at school and at "Romeo and Juliet" practice, but deep down, I had lots of hurt and pain. Rhys always knew how to make me smile and take me away from everything. Sure, my friends were there, but they didn't know the story, and I didn't want everyone to feel sorry for me, so I kept it between the two of us.
At the time, one of my friends really liked him, but I couldn't help liking him too. I didn't tell her that I liked him because I didn't want to make her angry or sad or upset. And besides, I didn't think anything was going to happen.
He ended up asking me out one night when we were swimming. I couldn't resist. I didn't want to hurt my friend, but I knew how much I genuinely cared for him after all he had gotten me through. I knew I had missed out on my last chance with him and thought I would miss out if I did't seize this opportunity. So I said yes. But at the same time, I felt horrible about telling my friend who liked him.
So, we decided to keep us a secret. This started to work, but eventually, it became too much of a hassle. So, we told everyone, and my friend who liked him was far from happy. She ended up getting very depressed, for a number of factors, and it made me feel even more horrible about it. This only added to the depression I was already experiencing from someone in my family, and I felt so much pressure and trouble. But, Rhys helped me through.
I think it made me really angry that depression seemed to have taken over my life, dictating me what to do and think and feel based on other people's moods. I shouldn't have thought that way, because I knew that these people needed help, but I was really stressed and surrounded by it everywhere. It was taking over my life at home and socially.
Well, life went on, and our relationship went on. People got better. Girls were always trying to flirt with him, leaving us with another obstacle. I got kind of protective, but just as any girlfriend would. We saw each other practically every night, but neither of us ever protested. We would do homework or something. Rhys would be tired alot, but never complain about it.
I applied to college and got into my dream school and Rhys's school. I had to choose between the two, including a full-ride to UH with him or a no-ride to USC and be 1500 miles away from home with no one that I knew. It was hard. I got pressure to go to both. I ended up sending in my card to USC, mainly after lots of pressure from Sheffield, but I never cancelled UH. I didn't really decide where to go until July.
Because of college, I started to get really stressed about Rhys and I. We loved each other and both decided to stay together no matter what I really wanted to stay near him, but he wouldn't tell me what to do. I asked him what he would do in my position, and he said that he would go to USC. After much consideration, I decided to go to USC.
After I decided, I really wanted to see him alot, so we hung out almost every day that summer. Not all day, every day, but most days. Half the time it was just a visit before bed or something. He went to London with me and we had lots of fun. But as time went on, from the end of school into summer, we always found ourselves in petty arguments. They started getting worse and worse. We would always resolve them, but they happened alot.
We ended up breaking up in late July, after almost 14 months. He said something that made us decide to mutually break up, although we weren't fighting at the time. I don't know if it's true or not. I think the real reason he said it was because of our arguments, which he later told me that he couldn't take anymore. I was devastated. I cried for weeks. I couldn't sleep the first night, I couldn't eat for several days. Time drew closer to USC starting.
Right before I left, I convinced him to try us again. I went off to USC, and making an effort to keep us together, I called him everyday. We got into an argument, and he immediately stopped this second try, not much longer after we started. He upset me so much. I cried so much at USC about him, in fact, the first thing I ran out of there was tissues. Luckily, my friends were there for me.
I came back for his birthday. We had a good time, but we got into an argument. We resolved it though.
I came back for Thanksgiving too and we got into another argument. After this, I purposely made an effort to not get into arguments with him. I realized how we both needed space. I decided to give him some space and at break try to get us together one last time.
This Christmas, I came back, and we got along great. I joked about how all I wanted for Christmas was him. I don't think he understood how serious I was though. We had a great time with no fights. So, on the 23rd, I bought him roses and made him a mix cd, asking for one last try. We talked, but he refused to even try it. I talked about how I wanted us to date other people too, knowing how unrealistic it was to keep the relationship exclusively, but he refused to even try. He ended up screaming at me that night for being persistent. I was overcome with tears. He didn't seem to care.
After this, I realized something. As much as I cared, and as much effort as I put into getting back together with him, he wouldn't even give it a shot. If he wouldn't even give it a shot, than I shouldn't be putting that much effort into him.
All this time I had focused on how much we had overcome, only to be brought down by arguments. That's why he was so hard to get over. In addition, he had been my main source of comfort during the first really bad time in my life.
But, if he wasn't willing to give us a shot, then why was I even trying? I should want someone who wants me too.
So, as hard as it is to say goodbye (and I'm not saying it's not hard anymore, because that's not true), I think that it's time to move on.
He has done a million wonderful things for me and I will always love him, but I can't be like this anymore. I can't count how many days I've cried over him this semester, up to the day before I came back.
So, while I hate to say it, this year has been defined by Rhys and I breaking up, something I definetly did not see coming at the beginning of last year.
I had to get this off my chest. I don't want this inside of me anymore. It's unhealthy.
But now, it's time for me to have some fun and let loose!
With this, I give you my new year's resolutions:
1. Lose Weight (the usual)
2. Have fun in Love (and lust)
3. Don't take anything too seriously
Happy New Year! WOO 2007!
THANK GOD IT'S OVER.
Sure, there were some good things about it.
The beginning of the year was awesome. For multiple reasons, including:
-"Tom Jones"
-Accepted by USC
-My wonderful, loving, then-boyfriend, Rhys
-Friends
-Graduation
-Missing Prom, but Rhys throwing me one
-London with my family and Rhys
And, my final decision to attend USC was well worth it. I LOVE it there. LOVE IT. I'm a completely different person there than in Kingwood. I'm the outgoing, obnoxious, noisy one that's always up for a party and always has the guts to do anything. I have tons of friends, I'm comfortable and confident, yadda yadda yadda.
But I need to face the fact that this year pretty much sucked for other reasons.
This was dominated by my relationship with Rhys, which I will now narrarate in great detail (which means you should probably skip this part unless you're interested).
Rhys and I were never supposed to be together, but it just sort of happened. There were always problems. Always.
I liked Rhys my junior year. But of course, all the girls liked him. We started to get close during "The Miser" and I thought we would start dating soon. We would hang out alot. I was so excited when he came to my 17th birthday, and one of his sisters told me all the effort he had put into making and getting my gift. We had jokes about our favorite animals and I ended up with the name "Unicorn Princess," so for my birthday he got me a unicorn and made a crown for it.
I was so excited, but I was really busy during my party. One of my "friends" ended up flirting with him the entire party, while she knew I liked him, and asked him out that night. He said yes, and right when he left, she asked if she could kiss him, and they kissed right in front of me. I was deeply upset.
I shoved Rhys in the back of my brain, and ended up having a thing with another guy. Lol. It was pretty meaningless though, and we broke up after 3 months.
In the spring of junior year, someone in my family became really depressed. Like, suicide attempts and everything, the works. It was one of the worst experiences in my life, and pretty much shattered any faith I had in people. Rhys and I were still friends (after he had broken up with my "friend") and for some reason I found it really easy to talk to him about anything. So, he really helped me through this. It was hard juggling this when no one else was there for me. I acted normal at school and at "Romeo and Juliet" practice, but deep down, I had lots of hurt and pain. Rhys always knew how to make me smile and take me away from everything. Sure, my friends were there, but they didn't know the story, and I didn't want everyone to feel sorry for me, so I kept it between the two of us.
At the time, one of my friends really liked him, but I couldn't help liking him too. I didn't tell her that I liked him because I didn't want to make her angry or sad or upset. And besides, I didn't think anything was going to happen.
He ended up asking me out one night when we were swimming. I couldn't resist. I didn't want to hurt my friend, but I knew how much I genuinely cared for him after all he had gotten me through. I knew I had missed out on my last chance with him and thought I would miss out if I did't seize this opportunity. So I said yes. But at the same time, I felt horrible about telling my friend who liked him.
So, we decided to keep us a secret. This started to work, but eventually, it became too much of a hassle. So, we told everyone, and my friend who liked him was far from happy. She ended up getting very depressed, for a number of factors, and it made me feel even more horrible about it. This only added to the depression I was already experiencing from someone in my family, and I felt so much pressure and trouble. But, Rhys helped me through.
I think it made me really angry that depression seemed to have taken over my life, dictating me what to do and think and feel based on other people's moods. I shouldn't have thought that way, because I knew that these people needed help, but I was really stressed and surrounded by it everywhere. It was taking over my life at home and socially.
Well, life went on, and our relationship went on. People got better. Girls were always trying to flirt with him, leaving us with another obstacle. I got kind of protective, but just as any girlfriend would. We saw each other practically every night, but neither of us ever protested. We would do homework or something. Rhys would be tired alot, but never complain about it.
I applied to college and got into my dream school and Rhys's school. I had to choose between the two, including a full-ride to UH with him or a no-ride to USC and be 1500 miles away from home with no one that I knew. It was hard. I got pressure to go to both. I ended up sending in my card to USC, mainly after lots of pressure from Sheffield, but I never cancelled UH. I didn't really decide where to go until July.
Because of college, I started to get really stressed about Rhys and I. We loved each other and both decided to stay together no matter what I really wanted to stay near him, but he wouldn't tell me what to do. I asked him what he would do in my position, and he said that he would go to USC. After much consideration, I decided to go to USC.
After I decided, I really wanted to see him alot, so we hung out almost every day that summer. Not all day, every day, but most days. Half the time it was just a visit before bed or something. He went to London with me and we had lots of fun. But as time went on, from the end of school into summer, we always found ourselves in petty arguments. They started getting worse and worse. We would always resolve them, but they happened alot.
We ended up breaking up in late July, after almost 14 months. He said something that made us decide to mutually break up, although we weren't fighting at the time. I don't know if it's true or not. I think the real reason he said it was because of our arguments, which he later told me that he couldn't take anymore. I was devastated. I cried for weeks. I couldn't sleep the first night, I couldn't eat for several days. Time drew closer to USC starting.
Right before I left, I convinced him to try us again. I went off to USC, and making an effort to keep us together, I called him everyday. We got into an argument, and he immediately stopped this second try, not much longer after we started. He upset me so much. I cried so much at USC about him, in fact, the first thing I ran out of there was tissues. Luckily, my friends were there for me.
I came back for his birthday. We had a good time, but we got into an argument. We resolved it though.
I came back for Thanksgiving too and we got into another argument. After this, I purposely made an effort to not get into arguments with him. I realized how we both needed space. I decided to give him some space and at break try to get us together one last time.
This Christmas, I came back, and we got along great. I joked about how all I wanted for Christmas was him. I don't think he understood how serious I was though. We had a great time with no fights. So, on the 23rd, I bought him roses and made him a mix cd, asking for one last try. We talked, but he refused to even try it. I talked about how I wanted us to date other people too, knowing how unrealistic it was to keep the relationship exclusively, but he refused to even try. He ended up screaming at me that night for being persistent. I was overcome with tears. He didn't seem to care.
After this, I realized something. As much as I cared, and as much effort as I put into getting back together with him, he wouldn't even give it a shot. If he wouldn't even give it a shot, than I shouldn't be putting that much effort into him.
All this time I had focused on how much we had overcome, only to be brought down by arguments. That's why he was so hard to get over. In addition, he had been my main source of comfort during the first really bad time in my life.
But, if he wasn't willing to give us a shot, then why was I even trying? I should want someone who wants me too.
So, as hard as it is to say goodbye (and I'm not saying it's not hard anymore, because that's not true), I think that it's time to move on.
He has done a million wonderful things for me and I will always love him, but I can't be like this anymore. I can't count how many days I've cried over him this semester, up to the day before I came back.
So, while I hate to say it, this year has been defined by Rhys and I breaking up, something I definetly did not see coming at the beginning of last year.
I had to get this off my chest. I don't want this inside of me anymore. It's unhealthy.
But now, it's time for me to have some fun and let loose!
With this, I give you my new year's resolutions:
1. Lose Weight (the usual)
2. Have fun in Love (and lust)
3. Don't take anything too seriously
Happy New Year! WOO 2007!