completely random
I just got back from Tunica. I haven't spent time with the fam like that in a long ass overdue time. I had forgotten how annoying yet comforting it was to ride in a car with the 3 of them for an ungodly amount of time and then eat too damn much before driving back after shopping. It takes alot out of me. All I got out of the deal was a pair of flip-flops, some thongs (Rue 21 has em for $1), and alot of quality time. I'm extremely sore all over too cos Randall got me to work out with him at the gym where he just got a membership. wtf, he has like zero bodyfat! He's a workout-aholic and I am his lazy sister who is now in more pain than imaginable.
Before July 10th I'll be contracted with Williams, Weiss, Hester & Company CPA firm to work on the Gulf Coast passing out FEMA money to the damaged businesses and then auditing them. They pay about a thousand a week. My only concern is that I don't know really know how to audit anything. I've done pretend audits in school, but they don't count! There's so much scandal about misappropriation of funds to sex changes, etc. Its hard to believe they would delegate such a huge responsibility to someone as inexperienced as myself. *shrug* I've learned throughout the years that its best to pretend like you know what's going on even when you don't have the slightest clue--this way, people won't think you're clueless. Then when you finally figure out what the hell is up, you just pretend like you knew all along. That is the best approach.
Speaking of pretending to know what I'm doing...I obviously don't. I may be able to fool my future bosses but I sure as HELL can't fool my friends. haha. They know me all too well. So Drew and I are back together (Am I so predictable?). Like I said, I love him. I've just been confused and scared to move away from familiarity. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I mean, sure I've loved other guys but not like this. not even close. This love is almost like insanity. To me, he isn't just security or a comfort zone that I want. I need him. I have never thought that I could actually one day marry anyone that I've dated. But as time goes by I have seen everything in this one person, and I love more than do not. I wonder what is the difference between fantasy and reality? It is our perception of its existence. I hope the relationship that he and I have will be where these two extremes merge. In some ways, I feel that they already have.
Listen to me ramble. I've just been thinking alot. Its weird hearing Hank's voice on the phone and remembering all the emotions and that I used to sleep beside him everynight for 2 years. I don't miss it, but I remember everything that has been between us. the good and the bad. I especially remember why Julie painted a red "A" on my arm when we were painting her house--It was a scarlet letter. Oh, my face burns with shame. I will never ever cheat again--even if it was his eye for 4 of my eyes. haha, stupid metaphor. That reminds me of when Alecia said that her parents "spoiled the rod and spared the child."
So I have learned my lessons well. And I will never do anything to mess up this beautiful thing that I have now. Drew is doing so well too. The extra 20 pounds he has gained are an indicator of how hard he is trying to stay clean. Plus he's managing the office in Greenville by himself now which makes me so proud. His aunt Bobbi tells me I am the best thing to ever happen to him. That is more encouragement to me than a compliment. I've never had a guy care about me so much that he would do anything for me and even give up things that he loves (eventhough inanimate objects can't love him back). He's grown up so much. He really is trying to make things work--I need to stop being so selfish. I know that things cannot always be perfect, so I will have to take the good with the bad. I must also realize that puppy love will inevitably grow into a different more mature kind of love that I must learn to accept and comprehend.
Before July 10th I'll be contracted with Williams, Weiss, Hester & Company CPA firm to work on the Gulf Coast passing out FEMA money to the damaged businesses and then auditing them. They pay about a thousand a week. My only concern is that I don't know really know how to audit anything. I've done pretend audits in school, but they don't count! There's so much scandal about misappropriation of funds to sex changes, etc. Its hard to believe they would delegate such a huge responsibility to someone as inexperienced as myself. *shrug* I've learned throughout the years that its best to pretend like you know what's going on even when you don't have the slightest clue--this way, people won't think you're clueless. Then when you finally figure out what the hell is up, you just pretend like you knew all along. That is the best approach.
Speaking of pretending to know what I'm doing...I obviously don't. I may be able to fool my future bosses but I sure as HELL can't fool my friends. haha. They know me all too well. So Drew and I are back together (Am I so predictable?). Like I said, I love him. I've just been confused and scared to move away from familiarity. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I mean, sure I've loved other guys but not like this. not even close. This love is almost like insanity. To me, he isn't just security or a comfort zone that I want. I need him. I have never thought that I could actually one day marry anyone that I've dated. But as time goes by I have seen everything in this one person, and I love more than do not. I wonder what is the difference between fantasy and reality? It is our perception of its existence. I hope the relationship that he and I have will be where these two extremes merge. In some ways, I feel that they already have.
Listen to me ramble. I've just been thinking alot. Its weird hearing Hank's voice on the phone and remembering all the emotions and that I used to sleep beside him everynight for 2 years. I don't miss it, but I remember everything that has been between us. the good and the bad. I especially remember why Julie painted a red "A" on my arm when we were painting her house--It was a scarlet letter. Oh, my face burns with shame. I will never ever cheat again--even if it was his eye for 4 of my eyes. haha, stupid metaphor. That reminds me of when Alecia said that her parents "spoiled the rod and spared the child."
So I have learned my lessons well. And I will never do anything to mess up this beautiful thing that I have now. Drew is doing so well too. The extra 20 pounds he has gained are an indicator of how hard he is trying to stay clean. Plus he's managing the office in Greenville by himself now which makes me so proud. His aunt Bobbi tells me I am the best thing to ever happen to him. That is more encouragement to me than a compliment. I've never had a guy care about me so much that he would do anything for me and even give up things that he loves (eventhough inanimate objects can't love him back). He's grown up so much. He really is trying to make things work--I need to stop being so selfish. I know that things cannot always be perfect, so I will have to take the good with the bad. I must also realize that puppy love will inevitably grow into a different more mature kind of love that I must learn to accept and comprehend.