No title, just rambling...
You're right, Nadia, it is hard to really be sure about things that are not absolute. It'd probably be easier if I were a decisive person. but I'm always so gullible. Hell, i could even fool my own self into believing things. That's the grandeur of it, I'm not even immune to my own deception. Well, maybe not "fool" myself, but I sure can believe what I want myself to believe. and it sure is stupid.
Back to the point, when things are not definite, its hard to draw the line between what is there and what isn't. Its hard to figure out when enough is enough. Even after seeing Julie's situation. It just never hits home with me, its like i'm stupid or blind or both. I never know what I truly want. I just want everything, I'm greedy. And sometimes I want what I don't really want, just because I can. Or I want to keep things that I already have, even when i'm not really sure what to do with it or because I don't know what the hell else to do. I just get so confused, so easily. And then I wonder If everyone feels this way--I'm sure we all do at sometime or other. Obviously, I haven't figured it all out yet. If life were a paint-by-number book, I feel like right now, on page 22 and 1/2, I only have 3 colors in my hand. and it sucks. It also sucks that I've resorted to such shitty metaphors.
Back to the point, when things are not definite, its hard to draw the line between what is there and what isn't. Its hard to figure out when enough is enough. Even after seeing Julie's situation. It just never hits home with me, its like i'm stupid or blind or both. I never know what I truly want. I just want everything, I'm greedy. And sometimes I want what I don't really want, just because I can. Or I want to keep things that I already have, even when i'm not really sure what to do with it or because I don't know what the hell else to do. I just get so confused, so easily. And then I wonder If everyone feels this way--I'm sure we all do at sometime or other. Obviously, I haven't figured it all out yet. If life were a paint-by-number book, I feel like right now, on page 22 and 1/2, I only have 3 colors in my hand. and it sucks. It also sucks that I've resorted to such shitty metaphors.