(no subject)
My Grandma died yesterday.
God, it's weird. It's like I should care more. It's not that I don't care, it's more like my family has this thing where we don't show our emotions and get upset unless we really feel it.
I do feel it. I feel a loss, a little black hole in my heart where she used to be. I went up to Inverness to visit her last weekend and that was good enough, I was excited to see her. Tried to make her laugh through all the nurses moaning at her for not drinking enough fluids and she didn't seem to know I was coming up so I got the glorious surpried smile and laugh when I came in.
I wish I knew her better.
So here is to my grandmother, Elizabeth Gault Morrison. A woman who was widowed 50 years ago, with 3 kids under 8. A woman who raised them singled handed and never had another love other than my grandfather, which is beautiful and something to be cherished.
A woman who wouldn't have held for any moping and mourning.
A woman who could COOK!
A woman who was a down to earth breath of fresh air.
A woman with secrets.
A woman who never complained.
A woman whom in all things embodied what I hope to be: a fighter, adored, respected and valued.
I don't know how to feel about it. I still feel her kiss goodbye from Saturday, I still feel the urge to tell her I love her, even though at the hospital last Saturday it felt like I was tempting fate and daring death to take her before I came for another visit.
Her GP told us that for the first time in a very long time, she had to put 'natural causes' as cause of death. She hasn't done that in years.
It's beautiful in a way, I wouldn't want it any different.
I feel...numb. Shocked, even though it's been such a long time coming. I have so much shit going on in my head that I almost can't believe it. About 5 years ago I waspreparing to making my final goodbyes and yet she powered on.
An inspiration. I miss her already.
God, it's weird. It's like I should care more. It's not that I don't care, it's more like my family has this thing where we don't show our emotions and get upset unless we really feel it.
I do feel it. I feel a loss, a little black hole in my heart where she used to be. I went up to Inverness to visit her last weekend and that was good enough, I was excited to see her. Tried to make her laugh through all the nurses moaning at her for not drinking enough fluids and she didn't seem to know I was coming up so I got the glorious surpried smile and laugh when I came in.
I wish I knew her better.
So here is to my grandmother, Elizabeth Gault Morrison. A woman who was widowed 50 years ago, with 3 kids under 8. A woman who raised them singled handed and never had another love other than my grandfather, which is beautiful and something to be cherished.
A woman who wouldn't have held for any moping and mourning.
A woman who could COOK!
A woman who was a down to earth breath of fresh air.
A woman with secrets.
A woman who never complained.
A woman whom in all things embodied what I hope to be: a fighter, adored, respected and valued.
I don't know how to feel about it. I still feel her kiss goodbye from Saturday, I still feel the urge to tell her I love her, even though at the hospital last Saturday it felt like I was tempting fate and daring death to take her before I came for another visit.
Her GP told us that for the first time in a very long time, she had to put 'natural causes' as cause of death. She hasn't done that in years.
It's beautiful in a way, I wouldn't want it any different.
I feel...numb. Shocked, even though it's been such a long time coming. I have so much shit going on in my head that I almost can't believe it. About 5 years ago I waspreparing to making my final goodbyes and yet she powered on.
An inspiration. I miss her already.