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Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters - though I'd love to have Seungie sitting in my room all day for me to look at. This story is just a product of my currently-crazed imagination.
Junhyung-ah,
You don’t know how much it hurts me to see you with her. I know it started out with the company wanting us to do fan service and stir things up. But didn’t you see, at the very first glance, that I loved you for real? Is it that hard to tell?
Doojoon knows, you know. He once told me, you’re one flighty guy, and you’re never going to stay. How could I not notice that at first sight? It’s just that, you make it impossible for me not to fall in love with you. Sometimes, no, always, when you start with the skinship for everyone to see, I find myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’re not pretending. I pray desperately that there is some tiny part within you that actually means it.
But no.
I could have sworn I heard my heart shatter today when I see you and her. I’ve always had this inkling that you don’t really care about me in the way that lovers should. No, you don’t even care for me in the way that friends should. But reality hit me full force just at that moment, when I saw you holding her hand. You, wearing our couple’s shirt, holding her hand and smiling for the camera lurking somewhere. And it knocked the wind out of me. In all our who-knows-how-long supposed relationship, you have never, ever done that. Taking me out on a date, buying me coffee… She must be a special girl for you to hand that privilege while withholding the same thing from me, who fucking LOVE you.
I know you never said anything even when we touched. But please, please tell me, is it too much for me to ask of you, what I am to you? Is it too much to ask, whether I’m someone whose existence you actually know, or just the object for you to satisfy your needs with, or simply, just that nameless deliverer of pizza and beer and guys’ hangout nights you’ve never taken the time to notice?
I’ve never regretted anything, but I have to say this. You’re the closest to regret that I’ll ever feel. If I could turn back time, I would never have met you. I would never have fallen in love with those breathtakingly deep eyes of yours, or drowned in that low, coarse voice of yours. I would never have spread my legs for you so easily. Then you would never have seen me, never have known me, never have kept me around waiting to please you at your beck and call.
It’s part of my fault, really. I should never have fallen for you. Look at me now. Wallowing in self pity in a corner, looking on as you two play lovely couple for the world to see. I’m just too pathetic for words.
Even Dong Woon sees it. He’s supposed to be the young, unobservant guy. And yet he knows. He once told me, “You seem to have forgotten that there’s another three billion guys out there, who might possibly be waiting for you. If you don’t try, how do you know who is the “it” guy for you?” Of course he’s right. It’s just that I can’t forget you. Or rather, I can’t mutter up any desire to forget you.
I hope you’ll let me go. Stop calling me. Stop surprising me with your sweet actions only for me to see you repeat them with someone else. Stop making me wait around on you. Stop making me love you.
Or maybe, don’t. I’m going to drown in my own tears if I don’t see your face any more. Gods, I don’t even know what I’m doing.
I just know that I love you to the point that the word “love” alone doesn’t even convey half the things I feel about you.
I’m making a wish right now, on an airplane like in that silly song. If you have any feelings for me at all, please love me back. If you can’t ever care for me, then I wish, somehow, I can forget you.
This should be the part when I, in a selfless gesture, wish you a happy future with her. I’m sorry because I can’t get it out. Seeing you with her, being happy at this very moment, is already too much. But I know that you’d probably be happy with her, a beautiful, nice girl instead of me, a sore loser and a guy.
I’ll try to get used to it. It’s JunRa now. Not JuRan anymore.
I still love you. A lot.
Huynseung.
Junhyung-ah,
You don’t know how much it hurts me to see you with her. I know it started out with the company wanting us to do fan service and stir things up. But didn’t you see, at the very first glance, that I loved you for real? Is it that hard to tell?
Doojoon knows, you know. He once told me, you’re one flighty guy, and you’re never going to stay. How could I not notice that at first sight? It’s just that, you make it impossible for me not to fall in love with you. Sometimes, no, always, when you start with the skinship for everyone to see, I find myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’re not pretending. I pray desperately that there is some tiny part within you that actually means it.
But no.
I could have sworn I heard my heart shatter today when I see you and her. I’ve always had this inkling that you don’t really care about me in the way that lovers should. No, you don’t even care for me in the way that friends should. But reality hit me full force just at that moment, when I saw you holding her hand. You, wearing our couple’s shirt, holding her hand and smiling for the camera lurking somewhere. And it knocked the wind out of me. In all our who-knows-how-long supposed relationship, you have never, ever done that. Taking me out on a date, buying me coffee… She must be a special girl for you to hand that privilege while withholding the same thing from me, who fucking LOVE you.
I know you never said anything even when we touched. But please, please tell me, is it too much for me to ask of you, what I am to you? Is it too much to ask, whether I’m someone whose existence you actually know, or just the object for you to satisfy your needs with, or simply, just that nameless deliverer of pizza and beer and guys’ hangout nights you’ve never taken the time to notice?
I’ve never regretted anything, but I have to say this. You’re the closest to regret that I’ll ever feel. If I could turn back time, I would never have met you. I would never have fallen in love with those breathtakingly deep eyes of yours, or drowned in that low, coarse voice of yours. I would never have spread my legs for you so easily. Then you would never have seen me, never have known me, never have kept me around waiting to please you at your beck and call.
It’s part of my fault, really. I should never have fallen for you. Look at me now. Wallowing in self pity in a corner, looking on as you two play lovely couple for the world to see. I’m just too pathetic for words.
Even Dong Woon sees it. He’s supposed to be the young, unobservant guy. And yet he knows. He once told me, “You seem to have forgotten that there’s another three billion guys out there, who might possibly be waiting for you. If you don’t try, how do you know who is the “it” guy for you?” Of course he’s right. It’s just that I can’t forget you. Or rather, I can’t mutter up any desire to forget you.
I hope you’ll let me go. Stop calling me. Stop surprising me with your sweet actions only for me to see you repeat them with someone else. Stop making me wait around on you. Stop making me love you.
Or maybe, don’t. I’m going to drown in my own tears if I don’t see your face any more. Gods, I don’t even know what I’m doing.
I just know that I love you to the point that the word “love” alone doesn’t even convey half the things I feel about you.
I’m making a wish right now, on an airplane like in that silly song. If you have any feelings for me at all, please love me back. If you can’t ever care for me, then I wish, somehow, I can forget you.
This should be the part when I, in a selfless gesture, wish you a happy future with her. I’m sorry because I can’t get it out. Seeing you with her, being happy at this very moment, is already too much. But I know that you’d probably be happy with her, a beautiful, nice girl instead of me, a sore loser and a guy.
I’ll try to get used to it. It’s JunRa now. Not JuRan anymore.
I still love you. A lot.
Huynseung.