(no subject)
i feel like... a ... loser?
we got her a card, gift certif and a flower. they kept on talking about people they know and i dont know. idk.
i wish i were someone else, anybody else. high school was just high school. i was never a part of any crowd.
it sucked hearing about so many people and i couldnt jump in at the least bit say something because i'm no one in that sense. true that i dont go to their school but i cant even say stuff about people that go to my own school. =(
i havent been invited to any parties. actually, i've never been invited to any party. the ones that i've been to, i have simply just been the tag-along. :/
it fuckign sucks and wrecks wonders to my selfesteem. i really am that big of a loser. admitting it doesnt do me any good, i dont know why i bother writing about it. its just more humiliation i put on myself.
bonnier got into ucla. all the kids at school that got accepted into big schools are now being know. they have ugly, loser friends but theyre know.
their families cared about them. they always go to back to school night and open house. they go to their awards ceremonies.
what am i saying? their parents have something to be proud of. my parents dont.
lisa said that she tried hard and got straight A's last semester except for an F in precal. i tried hard and got B's and C's.
i'm not cut out for college. maybe a junior college.
i'm not good at anything.
this isnt something joe can fix. i wish he'd call me so i can at least feel that someone out there knows my name.
i let him tell me lies so i feel better. he asked if i was like the "supermodel" of my family. i dont know why he said that. he's going out with me, of course he thinks that i'm hot. i'm really not. i'm fucking ugly.
i have nothing.
i feel like cutting again.
i've never gone with a group of friends. the guys just wanted to fuck me.
its depressing.
i'm running out of options here.
i dont want to call joe because he needs to do hw.
it just sucks that i'm going to die like this, lonely and wanting so much more out of life.
joe kissed me today. heh. it was wonderful.
i know exactly what he'd say if i were to tell him all of this.
he'd say and would plead me to not think about it.
i cant be like him. i cant ignore the big ugly monster in the closet.
i'm going crazy inside. i want to throw things. i want to break things. i want to throw myself against walls.
i dont do this physically, perhaps, because no one would listen.
i dont have anyone.
how do nobodies end up after highschool? they get a good education and have money to feast on. i wont have that, though. i'm not smart.
we got her a card, gift certif and a flower. they kept on talking about people they know and i dont know. idk.
i wish i were someone else, anybody else. high school was just high school. i was never a part of any crowd.
it sucked hearing about so many people and i couldnt jump in at the least bit say something because i'm no one in that sense. true that i dont go to their school but i cant even say stuff about people that go to my own school. =(
i havent been invited to any parties. actually, i've never been invited to any party. the ones that i've been to, i have simply just been the tag-along. :/
it fuckign sucks and wrecks wonders to my selfesteem. i really am that big of a loser. admitting it doesnt do me any good, i dont know why i bother writing about it. its just more humiliation i put on myself.
bonnier got into ucla. all the kids at school that got accepted into big schools are now being know. they have ugly, loser friends but theyre know.
their families cared about them. they always go to back to school night and open house. they go to their awards ceremonies.
what am i saying? their parents have something to be proud of. my parents dont.
lisa said that she tried hard and got straight A's last semester except for an F in precal. i tried hard and got B's and C's.
i'm not cut out for college. maybe a junior college.
i'm not good at anything.
this isnt something joe can fix. i wish he'd call me so i can at least feel that someone out there knows my name.
i let him tell me lies so i feel better. he asked if i was like the "supermodel" of my family. i dont know why he said that. he's going out with me, of course he thinks that i'm hot. i'm really not. i'm fucking ugly.
i have nothing.
i feel like cutting again.
i've never gone with a group of friends. the guys just wanted to fuck me.
its depressing.
i'm running out of options here.
i dont want to call joe because he needs to do hw.
it just sucks that i'm going to die like this, lonely and wanting so much more out of life.
joe kissed me today. heh. it was wonderful.
i know exactly what he'd say if i were to tell him all of this.
he'd say and would plead me to not think about it.
i cant be like him. i cant ignore the big ugly monster in the closet.
i'm going crazy inside. i want to throw things. i want to break things. i want to throw myself against walls.
i dont do this physically, perhaps, because no one would listen.
i dont have anyone.
how do nobodies end up after highschool? they get a good education and have money to feast on. i wont have that, though. i'm not smart.