The Dream, The Nightmare, and the Epiphany
I dreamed very well last night, reminded me of the summers before this one.... Except this time, I woke up to a Crying baby, 3 hours after I had started to dream... It was my roommate's baby crying 9 in the fucking morning, crying and crying, I finally took the initiative to see what the fuck was going on. As I opened my door it was a baby in a chair... in the middle of the hallway, and in the living room was the roommate... ignoring it.. playing a fucking game. Finally she asked me "I'm sorry, was the baby waking you up? I figured you didn't mind since your alarm clock is this loud."... It made sense, to a degree where my alarm clock wakes me up 8 hours into sleep rather than 3, and everyone else is awake, and I can SHUT THE FUCKING THING UP WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE! but I shrugged it off and went back to my room to sleep once she decided to take care of the fucking baby she promised her "sister". But, at long last... it was silence. only thing now is I am too hungry to even think about sleep... the pain clawing inside me, Ironically I eat a rice crispy... to no avail... it did nothing. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. 1 meal a day with a side order of rice crispy treats or any little Debbie I can find.
Well, I was up... and there wasn’t a damn thing I can do about it. So I decided to pick up my camera and get the 300 for my car, and 225 for my apartment. Leaving me only 50 dollars till pay day. After riding on fumes to get my camera, I spent 30 for gas to get me to work... till my next pay check... It seems I will be living off the dollar menu for quite sometime.
So I get home and then walk to jack in the box to save what gas I have. My car is now a ticking time bomb waiting to get a fucking oil change so I don’t destroy anything thats a couple thousand dollars. but til I have the money, I must not think about it much. and now I decided to post this...
Its truly amazing to see everything morph, To see strife, To see success. I sat there in Jack in the box regretting my fucking life, when I looked through the window to realize, I wasn't the only one, surly someone in one of the cars on highway 79 are going through the same shit that I am now, just surviving pay check, to pay check. and then I thought of all the people I know that are pulling it off...
My friend from Bosnia, Dennis... who grew up in a war torn country, picking up land mines as a kid and sold them for 5 dollars to the allies, who fought in the war, who's father also fought in the war, and had loved ones killed in the war. This person grew up in a fucking Refugee Camp not knowing if he will make it through the night... and now he is working at IFS making more money than most people there at 20$ an hour....
My old friend of mine, Tanya... who once held me dear in her eyes, and now I am nothing but a remnant on her wrist. she works her ass off just to get a lot of it take by her parents, who forced her to drop out of high school and urged her to become a stripper, she bought a stolen car that she was unaware of, in which blood and chunks of flesh was scattered through it. She now works at garden ridge went to school behind her parents back and graduated.
My Dad, who grew up in the projects of Pennsylvania, left home when he was 15, worked in carnivals and circus's for a few years traveling across the country, made a living in Oregon, then hitch hiked all the way there to Austin Texas to be closer to his sister, (Aunt Ruthie). Where he met a woman by the name of Sandra. Raised a kid, a hard working man, from being damn near homeless he has a house, and 2 new vehicles.
and of course Chasity... I would find it rude for me to tell the story I know of her here, but now she drives, works at Ikea, maybe getting full time, paying an equal amount of rent and everything only having a couple dollars to make it through the next 2 weeks for gas and food
And then... I look at myself.. and realize there is one difference between me, and them... I am 19, making 12.10 an hour earning about 800 every pay check... I buy luxuries out the ass, a new xbox, a new bed, soon to be new futon, and a new laptop and new books for college... I shouldn't even consider myself in the same dilemma as these people... I myself put me in the same situation with a few handicaps compared to them.
I am not here to complain "what a horrible life I live" I am here to say if I fail myself now with all the luxuries handed to me, not only will I fail myself, but I will insult all the people who are making it through even more of a rough time then I. and to the utmost respect, I tip my hat off to you guys and raise my glass to the ceiling, for tonight... I thank you...
Well, I was up... and there wasn’t a damn thing I can do about it. So I decided to pick up my camera and get the 300 for my car, and 225 for my apartment. Leaving me only 50 dollars till pay day. After riding on fumes to get my camera, I spent 30 for gas to get me to work... till my next pay check... It seems I will be living off the dollar menu for quite sometime.
So I get home and then walk to jack in the box to save what gas I have. My car is now a ticking time bomb waiting to get a fucking oil change so I don’t destroy anything thats a couple thousand dollars. but til I have the money, I must not think about it much. and now I decided to post this...
Its truly amazing to see everything morph, To see strife, To see success. I sat there in Jack in the box regretting my fucking life, when I looked through the window to realize, I wasn't the only one, surly someone in one of the cars on highway 79 are going through the same shit that I am now, just surviving pay check, to pay check. and then I thought of all the people I know that are pulling it off...
My friend from Bosnia, Dennis... who grew up in a war torn country, picking up land mines as a kid and sold them for 5 dollars to the allies, who fought in the war, who's father also fought in the war, and had loved ones killed in the war. This person grew up in a fucking Refugee Camp not knowing if he will make it through the night... and now he is working at IFS making more money than most people there at 20$ an hour....
My old friend of mine, Tanya... who once held me dear in her eyes, and now I am nothing but a remnant on her wrist. she works her ass off just to get a lot of it take by her parents, who forced her to drop out of high school and urged her to become a stripper, she bought a stolen car that she was unaware of, in which blood and chunks of flesh was scattered through it. She now works at garden ridge went to school behind her parents back and graduated.
My Dad, who grew up in the projects of Pennsylvania, left home when he was 15, worked in carnivals and circus's for a few years traveling across the country, made a living in Oregon, then hitch hiked all the way there to Austin Texas to be closer to his sister, (Aunt Ruthie). Where he met a woman by the name of Sandra. Raised a kid, a hard working man, from being damn near homeless he has a house, and 2 new vehicles.
and of course Chasity... I would find it rude for me to tell the story I know of her here, but now she drives, works at Ikea, maybe getting full time, paying an equal amount of rent and everything only having a couple dollars to make it through the next 2 weeks for gas and food
And then... I look at myself.. and realize there is one difference between me, and them... I am 19, making 12.10 an hour earning about 800 every pay check... I buy luxuries out the ass, a new xbox, a new bed, soon to be new futon, and a new laptop and new books for college... I shouldn't even consider myself in the same dilemma as these people... I myself put me in the same situation with a few handicaps compared to them.
I am not here to complain "what a horrible life I live" I am here to say if I fail myself now with all the luxuries handed to me, not only will I fail myself, but I will insult all the people who are making it through even more of a rough time then I. and to the utmost respect, I tip my hat off to you guys and raise my glass to the ceiling, for tonight... I thank you...