Olden but Golden.
A few funnies i got emailed at work thought i'd share.
A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'Try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'.
My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients. It's a real shame because he's a really good vet.
A pretty woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading, 'For sale - clitoris-licking frog'. She goes in and the shopkeeper says 'Bonjour Madame'.
Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much. It scared the shit out of me so today I decided I'm never reading again.
A little girl gets lost in Tesco's and the security guard asks her, 'what's your mum like?' The little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen ask, 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said, 'Burrr-Gurr-King '.
A boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office and the boss says, 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off'. Ann says, 'You'd better jack off, I've got a headache'.
It's important to keep fit as you get older. My granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel. They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her vagina. The doctor says, 'that looks nasty'. She says, 'Nasty? It's just the tip of the iceberg!'
Two newly-weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks, 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers, 'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'.
A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'Try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'.
My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex with his patients. It's a real shame because he's a really good vet.
A pretty woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading, 'For sale - clitoris-licking frog'. She goes in and the shopkeeper says 'Bonjour Madame'.
Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much. It scared the shit out of me so today I decided I'm never reading again.
A little girl gets lost in Tesco's and the security guard asks her, 'what's your mum like?' The little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen ask, 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said, 'Burrr-Gurr-King '.
A boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office and the boss says, 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off'. Ann says, 'You'd better jack off, I've got a headache'.
It's important to keep fit as you get older. My granny started walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we don't know where the hell she is!
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of tinsel. They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her vagina. The doctor says, 'that looks nasty'. She says, 'Nasty? It's just the tip of the iceberg!'
Two newly-weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite. The receptionist asks, 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers, 'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'.