Lessons learned!!! Lacunati and the mechanism of . . . .Next!
Over the last couple of days, I touched the nearest trailing edge toward apprehension on and old puzzlement and moved a considerable way deeper to comprehend another old itchy boggle.
My mental "Hmmmmmmm file" far exceeds anything I think I understand. It's nice that allies taught me to see it as Keat's "Negative Capability" complete with literary footnote "...capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason-.." http://www.mrbauld.com/negcap.html I'm aware that I am endlessly reaching after understanding and the "fact and reason" that I gather like twigs and string in a sort of nesting impulse toward some distant hatching of understanding that's the minimal apprehension that grows to wobbly fledging flight of comprehension.
Because I just barely have the lacuna/lacunati thought -- if it was material it would be something massive and in motion that I've got hooked by the tips of my fingernails. Don't hang on too hard or you'll lose It AND your nails. Reel it in as the swells bring it near.
It's about people who are either attracted or fall into and successfully inhabit lacuna -- and, in the process bridge, personify, (need lots more words here -- the words are thread to tether what I've got so I can use my fingernail for something else) Sometimes these people call themselves bridgebuilders, but that's not it at all . . . Just a few fingernails on apprehending --
The other is hard to write about because it's painful. Good pain, but still aversive and distracting. Lets see . . . can I make this funny? Humor is like hydraulics - pump some in and stuff shifts easier.
Both of my clients have a dynamic central to their current problems that I have in even more excess. They don't celebrate success. Instead, each accomplishment is a platform to reach the next impossible task.
I knew all sorts of personal and social dynamics that create and perpetuate this, but I didn't have the core "nut" . . . and now I think I may. My lens is my general sense that drama is an instictive organic impulse to fill the nonlinear and linked psychosocial needs fulfilled by ritual. Another way to say it is that drama is instictive ritual. The words may be bullshit -- I have never poked at them to see -- but I don't think in words and just use this sort of thing as a mneumonic to find the place where I have the thoughts.
Connie called yesterday morning and held my feet to the fire on my despair about something that was a major achievement and a problem created by someone else and delegated down into my zone.
My therapist later in the day puzzled about how/why Connie is among the few people who can really help in these zones. Tim talked about his personal difficulty that like most people when he tries to reframe my experience to count my successes all he does is add to my burden because on top of whatever I'm dealing with now I have a failure to achieve the requested happy emotional state and understanding. Easy - Connie is one of the few people in my life who, like me, is authentically in what's REAL than achieving what's presumed to be "good" She is my sister AND a scorpio, so we also share the presumption that once we really have a handle on what's real, we'll be restacking the blocks toward some purpose. Tim would, in years past, have been trying to shift my perspective. Connie instead drew my attention TO my fractile perspective(s) and the ways the edges were damaging me rather than supporting.
Under question, I finally told Tim, that having drawn my attention to what Tim calls the mismatch between emotional logic and intellectual logic, Connie will hold her own view of my impressive success while I experience my sense of failure and distress. It has to do with social geometry.
And all that build a Swiss Army knife tool for shifting awareness.
What I GOT -- for me and for my clients -- is the way I use drama internally like I orient on drama externally. My preferred way to manage/direct conflict externally is to identify a mutually held deeply desired goal, and get everybody moving toward achievement. It allows everyone to compete and be passive aggressive and all the shadow stuff everybody's going to do anyway, but in a direction so instead of tangled stuckness, social geometry can be unwound and the needless snarls untangled and smoothed out so that the knots that are left can be recognized for their value and shifted around to best orientation.
AND I do that within myself. Need to take a few days and examine whether that's idiosyncratic or a normal human dynamic (and probably a byproduct of the dualism that comes from bilateral symmetry)
As to apprehending/comprehending . . . I really do comprehend something -- I GOT it -- but I don't how it fits in the larger landscape and certainly not over time in all it's faceted tumbling and unfolding. I tend to get excited when I first "get it" and try to make it fit everywhere.
This is AN answer, but who knows if it's the answer to any of the boggles my clients face. Holding it in its form in myself, I'll be a whole diffent "shape" for my clients to bounce off.