(no subject)
Hello.
It's obvious that I haven't written anything in livejournal for many months. But, I know it's always here for me when I need it.
I've been in recovery for a couple of years now and I -thought- I was far enough into it that I could cope with difficult issues without restricting. Turns out that my issues are just way too much for me to handle all at once.
During the past two months of once-a-week therapy, my therapist and I have dusted off the lingering, traumatic horrors of my past. In addition, my upcoming wedding in October has brought up some family issues. All of which are just plain fucked up.
I am so scared right now. I've been a nervous f*ing wreck. Instead of prn clonopin, it's 3 times a day and a double dose at night to help me sleep for more than an hour at a time. Not to mention, being able to fall asleep after bad dreams and night terrors.
This is the first time I've felt that I actually -need- the support of my livejournal friends and ed_recovery.
I'm losing my mind and pounds off of my body. Pounds that I've worked so hard for. I just feel like I'm sinking into that dark downward spiral without a choice. My mind has swithced to autopilot.
It's obvious that I haven't written anything in livejournal for many months. But, I know it's always here for me when I need it.
I've been in recovery for a couple of years now and I -thought- I was far enough into it that I could cope with difficult issues without restricting. Turns out that my issues are just way too much for me to handle all at once.
During the past two months of once-a-week therapy, my therapist and I have dusted off the lingering, traumatic horrors of my past. In addition, my upcoming wedding in October has brought up some family issues. All of which are just plain fucked up.
I am so scared right now. I've been a nervous f*ing wreck. Instead of prn clonopin, it's 3 times a day and a double dose at night to help me sleep for more than an hour at a time. Not to mention, being able to fall asleep after bad dreams and night terrors.
This is the first time I've felt that I actually -need- the support of my livejournal friends and ed_recovery.
I'm losing my mind and pounds off of my body. Pounds that I've worked so hard for. I just feel like I'm sinking into that dark downward spiral without a choice. My mind has swithced to autopilot.