Help me help myself [private conversation]

[chilichoc]

[Being little wasn't horrible, but it was annoying, and Mel is quite happy when she turns back Wednesday afternoon. The room, sadly, does not grow up with her, stubbornly remaining a duplicate of her Wammy's House room. She remembers Pinkie wanting to talk about things that her kid-self wouldn't quite get, and goes out and looks around for him, but

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[justiceishot]

(A soft laugh comes from outside the door, accompanied by a just-as-gentle knock. Pink pokes his head into the room, gesturing to the sign, looking somewhat cheerful.)

Heh, thanks for the sign, makes it easier.
Grown up again?

[chilichoc]

Hey, Pinkie. The mansion did that, actually.

*she smiles at him*
Very glad to be! You look happier, too. Come on in.

[justiceishot]

Did it? How handy.

(He smiles back, and lets himself in, going over to sit on the edge of the bed.)
Somewhat happier, I suppose. Thanks for letting me visit.

[chilichoc]

It might be making fun of me with it, but it does make me easy to find.

*She tidies the papers into a stack and sits next to him, legs crossed under herself.*

It's my pleasure! What's on your mind?

[justiceishot]

Heh, true. I'm hardly ever in my room lately, to be honest.

(He tugs at his sleeves a bit nervously when she sits closer, but he continues to smile. He does sound a bit sad when he speaks:)

Ohh. Depressing things, as usual.

[chilichoc]

*She frowns a little, and pats his knee*

Did something happen?

[justiceishot]

Mmm, a lot of things, really. All piling on me at once, as usual.

(He sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. He's determined not to cry today; it's a goal of his.)

I mentioned B coming back, right?
And you know about Lex...

[chilichoc]

*She tries to stay matter-of-fact; she knows too much sympathy makes her feel even worse, sometimes.*

Yes, you said he was back. And Lex is- not coping with that very well?

[justiceishot]

Actually, it's the other way around. B is not pleased about Lex, and Lex is... unhappy. I think somehow he thinks that he's not as good for me as B is.

(He plays with his toes absently as he talks. He keeps fidiling with his sleeves.)

Which isn't true. Not at all.
And... and I think they're expecting me to choose between them, and I don't know if I can do that.

[chilichoc]

*She tips her head, frowning thoughtfully, and trying not to obviously look at his sleeves. She doesn't really get this kind of relationship, but she'll be supportive.*

You need them both?

[justiceishot]

Right. Exactly.

(Damn, this would be the time that his wrists decide to be itchy. He pointedly ignores it, for as long as possible.)

They don't seem to understand that I cannot live without either of them.
That isn't an exaggeration, either.

[chilichoc]

What-

*adjusts her position, putting her knees up and resting her elbows on them, still wearing a look of concentration*

Maybe neither understands why he can't be enough on his own? I mean... I don't judge you for needing both, 'cause some people just do, but if they didn't know it would be like that...

[justiceishot]

That's probably the case... B is more possessive. He doesn't want there to be anyone but him for me, because that was how it was before, but...

But Lex... Lex and I fought a few days ago. Screaming fight.
He... he implied that if this didn't resolve itself, he was going to give me to B.

(He pulls his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them.)

... I don't want to... to let that happen.
It was scary to hear Lex scream like that.

[chilichoc]

I'm pretty possessive myself... What do you get from Lex that B can't give you?

*she pats his knee again briefly*
I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't know Lex very well. *doesn't much like him, either, but won't be saying that* But do you think he could get to a point where he accepts this, given time?

[justiceishot]

... It's... it's not that. It's not what they can give me. That sounds... sounds weird.

I love them both equally. It's not a matter of what they give me or what they have that the other doesn't. They're both kind to me, compassionate, loving... I need them to breathe.

(He sighs, and hides his face in his knees. His voice is a bit muffled.)

He already does. He has it in his mind that if it will make things better for me, he'll give me up to B. It won't make things better, though. It'll make it worse. It'd...

(Tiny voice:)

I think it might actually kill me.

[chilichoc]

*She listens, nodding and trying to understand.*

I don't think I could feel that for two people... *It's hard enough for her to need one.* It must be difficult.

*She moves over and puts her arms around him, resting her cheek on his hair.*
Then... you need to tell him it'll be worse if he goes.

Oh, Pinkie, no... *She holds him tighter.*