(no subject)
What have I become this semester? Where did my former self run off to, and what estranged being has taken his place? I can remember vividly the amount of effort and diligence that I forced upon myself during high school. I might not have done my homework for every class every night, but nevertheless I did what was required of me to succeed to an acceptable level. Never have I been so negligent of my duties as I have been since coming to college. Why of all times in my life must I now choose to fail? Why now, when this part of my life will follow me around forever? As if my shameful acknowledgement of failure wasn't enough, I am doing so in an area of academia that has been more dear to me and more natural to me than most others. I have never loomed so close to the collapse of my dreams; I am hanging by a thread over a cliff that carries my downfall. To be utterly blunt, if I don't get my act together elsewhere, I'm fucked. So much for the dreams of excellence. Now I must struggle and push myself harder than ever before just to achieve mediocrity. What have I done? What have I become?